A hysterical young New York woman was so depressed that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the ocean, but just before she could throw herself from the docks, a handsome young man stopped her.
“You have so much to live for,” said the man. “I’m a sailor, and we are off to Italy tomorrow. I can stow you away on my ship. I’ll take care of you, bring you food every day, and keep you happy.”
With nothing to lose, combined with the fact that she had always wanted to go to Italy, the woman accepted.
That night the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a small but comfortable compartment in the hold. From then on, every night he would bring her three sandwiches, a bottle of red wine, and make love to her until dawn.
Three weeks later she was discovered by the captain during a routine inspection. “What are you doing here?” asked the captain. “I have an arrangement with one of the sailors,” she replied.
“He brings me food, and I get a free trip to Italy.”
“I see,” the captain says.
Her conscience got the best of her and she added, “Plus, he’s screwing me.”
“He certainly is,” replied the captain,”This is the Staten Island Ferry.”
h/t Not at all confused
HA!
What did the giraffe say to his pals the lion and the rhinoceros when he invited them to a saloon for a drink?
“Hey guys, the highballs are on me”.
Heh. Starts out Hallmark, ends up Lifetime.
If he makes love to her ‘til dawn he must have an erection that lasts longer than 4 hours which means he should seek medical help.
…..Just thinking of his well-being and state of health.
Somehow, COVID is not involved in the story. But I was prepared. 🙂
Good one! thanks 🙂
Sounds like the 2020 election.
That joke is older than Johnny’s old lady.
…a man was walking down the beach one day and saw a crippled young woman in a wheelchair out on the end of one of the piers looking sadly into the ocean.
“What’s wrong, why so sad?” He asked.
“I had an accident that ruined my legs before I could start dating, so I’ve never been kissed before.” she confessed.
To that he smiled and said, “We can fix that right now”, and he took her in his arms and kissed her deeply, then set her back im her wheelchair tenderly with stars in her eyes, and walked away without another word, feeling pretty pleased with himself.
A week later, he was walking on the same beach and saw the same woman on the same pier, again looking sadly into the sea.
“What’s wrong young lady, why so sad?” he again asked.
“Becase this happened before I could start dating, I’ve never been screwed before”, she whispered.
Smiling widely, he said, “But we can fix that too, and right away!”, and with that he again gathered her tenderly in her arms.
Then he took her to the end of the pier and threw her into the deepest water, and said “Now you’re screwed!”, and walked away, feeling pretty pleased with himself for again making her dreams come true…
Marco December 23, 2020 at 6:35 pm
That joke is older than Johnny’s old lady.
———————-
Well, I’m Johnny’s old lady and I’ve never heard that joke before. 🙂
Goldenfoxx: Johnny’s Mother was calling for him by his full name, and he yelled back that he was engaged in that activity and couldn’t do it any faster.
Marco
DECEMBER 23, 2020 AT 7:57 PM
“Goldenfoxx: Johnny’s Mother was calling for him by his full name,…”
“JOHNNY F**KERFASTER!”
…ain’t heard THAT one in awhile…
I think i heard that when HST was dP:resident.
Of Course I did not understand; of course.
SSN: I remember hearing that joke when I didn’t know what it meant. It’s that old. Older than Johnny’s old lady. They were probably telling that joke in Ancient Greece. In Greek of course.
…and now Goldenfoxx is off yelling at her husband for crap he doesn’t remember doing as a kid…