A woman who had been married three times walked into a bridal shop one day and told the sales clerk that she was looking for a wedding gown for her fourth wedding.
“Of course, madam,” replied the sales clerk, “exactly what type and color dress are you looking for?”
The bride to be said, “A long frilly white dress with a veil.”The sales clerk hesitated a bit, then said, “Please don’t take this the wrong way, but gowns of that nature are considered more appropriate for brides who are being married the first time – for those who are a bit more innocent, if you know what I mean? Perhaps ivory or sky blue would be nice?”
“Well,” replied the customer, a little peeved at the clerk’s directness, “I can assure you that a white gown would be quite appropriate. Believe it or not, despite all my marriages, I remain as innocent as a first-time bride.
You see, my first husband was so excited about our wedding that he died as we were checking into our honeymoon hotel.
My second husband and I got into such a terrible fight in the limo on our way to our honeymoon hotel that we had that wedding annulled immediately and never spoke to each other again.”
“What about your third husband?” asked the sales clerk.
“That one was a Democrat,” said the woman, “and every night for four years, he just sat on the edge of the bed and told me how good it was going to be, but nothing ever happened.”
h/t Doc.
Two doctors meet at a medical convention, hit it off, and decide to go upstairs to his room together. Afterwards, as she’s dressing to leave the male doc asks “What kind of MD are you?” “Primary care” she responds, “And you must be an anesthesiologist” “How did you know?” he replies. She says “Because I didn’t feel a thing”
A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced four husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband, “Please be gentle, I’m still a virgin.”
“What?!?!” said the puzzled groom. “How can that be if you’ve been married four times?”.
Well, husband #1 was an engineer: he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.
Husband #2 was a psychologist: all he ever did was to get under the covers and talk about it and talk about it.
Husband #3 was a gynecologist: all he did was was to get under the covers and look at it.
Husband #4 was a stamp collector… Boy do I miss him!
But now that I’ve married a lawyer, I know I’m finally gonna get fucked!
Both jokes are funny!!!!
Make that all 3
Old joke. I heard it decades ago, and the final husband was a software salesman for IBM.
@TRF
As an engineer I take offence at your joke. I NEVER took three years to develop anything.
I do know some engineers who rushed their designs, which arrived too early, with far less than spectacular results, significantly disappointing the customer…
Jethro – It’s only a joke, but as a fellow engineer I can tell you probably never worked at FERCO. Now those guys knew how to drag out a design!
Feeling slow this afternoon, TRF. Why was the stamp collector missed.
Yeah, I know, if you have to explain it…
TRF & Jethro… What kind of trains did y’all drive? 😉
@Dadof4
TYCO
@ Jethro OCTOBER 20, 2022 AT 3:35 PM
Hahahah! Thanks for that. Perfect.
After it was all over, he said “If I had known you were a virgin, I’d have taken more time.”
She replied, “If I’d had more time, I would have taken off my panty hose.”
Feller told me once that on his wedding night his bride sat on the edge of the bed and cried…”I can’t, it’s too big.”
On their fifteenth anniversary he sat on the edge of the bed and cried…”I can’t it’s too big.”
Un-important comment – I made sure my only wife wore a cream colored wedding dress. White was unacceptable.
I was her second husband.
Truth matters.
@DavidW — Heh! Me, too! It works well as an IBM joke.
Here’s another you may have heard…
Three IBMers in a car pool were driving to work when there was a loud BANG! and the car started to shimmy and shake.
Everybody says, “Hey, what was that?”
The IBM sales rep says, “Nothing. We don’t have a problem. Everything’s fine.”
The software engineer says, “I think there may be a problem but to be sure we’ll have to submit an APAR and wait for the fix in the next release.”
The customer engineer (that’s a repairman in IBM-speak) says, “No, we have a flat and we need to diagnose the situation right now. Let’s stop and rotate the tires and see if the problem moves.”
@DavidW: I lead a sheltered life, first time I ever heard those jokes, and I laughed. I need to get out more….
Peanuts!
Hahahahahahaha …… git it?
oh wate ….. maybie it was pink-eye …..
How many packer fans does it take to change a lightbulb?
6, one to change the bulb and five to talk about how good the old one was