INTERMISSION – IOTW Report

41 Comments on INTERMISSION

  1. Excellent.

    The other day I watched Charlton Heston in the Ten Commandments.

    There he was as Moses in some tent dipping bread into whatever goo ancient Israelites dipped bread into.

    He dips, he eats….. and then….MOSES DOUBLE DIPS!!!!!

    I’m having some sort of ecclesiastical crisis over this.

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  3. …i really liked the sketches, but I’m not sure they constitute a break from politics. “Pub Dog” made me think about how people who pay for stuff get screwed by those looking to take from them by any means necessary, and the barkeeper is like the police in CA arresting Republicans for not wanting to be easily vicimized.

    The way that “Guard” was distracted by a shiny object to the point he lost the Castle, then shrugged and easily changed allegiance with a uniform HE ALREADY HAD just makes me think of Romney/Ryan “Republicans”.

    …still cute cartoons, though. It’s me, not you. Thanks for TRYING to lighten it up, anyway…

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  4. I’m going bear hunting in Northern Idaho in May. I’ve known for four months and I haven’t told my wife yet. I thought it would just unnecessarily worry her thinking about a bear tearing me to shreds all this time as she worries about things like that. I’ll have to tell her eventually. Am I being a bad husband for not telling her yet or a good husband for sparing her months of worry? When should I tell her? lol

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  5. I have that dog. He’s short legged though, so he prowls bars with a handicapped placard…..His name is Tex….He demands ranch dressing dip for his chips…..Sometimes he answers trivia questions as long as it ends in ruff….

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  6. Hambone… I just tried to sneak some 600 dollar baby moons past the wife.

    You gotta’ tell ’em. Just…. you know…. tell her you’re going hunting. No need to be specific.

    If it gets sketchy, go with grouse. That’s how I’d go. “Baby, I’ma going ter Idaho to hunt me up some grouse.”

    “Big grouse….. that’s why I’m taking my bear rifle. Don’t own a big enough grouse rifle.”

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  7. “He dips, he eats….. and then….MOSES DOUBLE DIPS!!!!!”

    …you know, in the Bible, Moses comes back to his father-in-law’s land and seriously jacks it UP, @Aaron Burr…

    ” And they warred against the Midianites, as the Lord commanded Moses; and they slew all the males.”

    -Numbers 7

    …and, the wife was evidently a bit peeved at him, but his SON seemed to get the worse of it…

    “Then Zipporah took a sharp stone, and cut off the foreskin of her son, and cast [it] at his feet, and said, Surely a bloody husband [art] thou to me.”

    -Exodus 4:25

    …kinda puts double-dipping in perspective…

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  10. Hambone March 15, 2019 at 10:34 pm

    Your reasons for withholding may be two-fold.

    It’s reasonable to lessen any fretting. Who wouldn’t sympathize with that and see it as a good thing? It IS a good thing.

    It’s also a convenient excuse not to run plans by the little lady when you really want to get your way. Call it: Not taking any chances of being talked out of this thing I want.

    I know this because my wife did this all the time.

    Gave my sons a tip last year when they were complaining about something she did. ‘If her sentence starts with: “Well, I figured since…” she’s already screwed you over and is trying to break it to you easy.’

    I’d tell her beforehand. How early? How will you answer the question: “How long have you been planning this?”

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  11. This is a start. Hey Moe these are right up our alley.

    Happy St Patrick’s Day. Some old, some new! 😂

    Six retired Irishmen were playing poker in O’Leary’s apartment when Paddy Murphy loses $500 on a single hand, clutches his chest, and drops dead at the table. Showing respect for their fallen brother, the other five continue playing standing up.

    Michael O’Connor looks around and asks, ‘Oh, me boys, someone got’s to tell Paddy’s wife. Who will it be?’

    They draw straws. Paul Gallagher picks the short one. They tell him to be discreet, be gentle, don’t make a bad situation any worse.

    ‘Discreet??? I’m the most discreet Irishmen you’ll ever meet. Discretion is me middle name. Leave it to me.’

    Gallagher goes over to Murphy’s house and knocks on the door. Mrs. Murphy answers, and asks what he wants.

    Gallagher declares, ‘Your husband just lost $500, and is afraid to come home.’

    ‘Tell him to drop dead!’, says Murphy’s wife..

    ‘I’ll go tell him.’ says Gallagher.

    Into a Belfast pub comes Paddy Murphy, looking like he’d just been run over by a train. His arm is in a sling, his nose is broken, his face is cut, and bruised, and he’s walking with a limp.

    ‘What happened to you?’ asks Sean, the bartender.

    ‘Micheal O’Connor and me had a fight,’ says Paddy

    ‘That little skinny O’Connor?,’ says Sean, ‘How could he do that to you? He must have had something in his hand.’

    ‘That he did,’ says Paddy, ‘a shovel is what he had, and a terrible beatin’ he gave me with it.’

    ‘Well,’ says Sean, ‘you should have defended yourself ta same. Didn’t you have something in your hand?’

    That I did,’ said Paddy. ‘Mrs. O’Connor’s breast. And a thing of beauty it was; but useless in a fight.’

    An Irishman who had a little too much to drink is driving home from the city one night and, of course, his car is weaving violently all over the road.

    A cop pulls him over. ‘So,’ says the cop to the driver, ‘where have ya been?’

    ‘Why, I’ve been to the pub of course,’ slurs the drunk.

    ‘Well,’ says the cop, ‘it looks like you’ve had quite a few to drink this evening.’

    ‘I did all right,’ the drunk says with a smile.

    ‘Did you know,’ says the cop, standing straight and folding his arms across his chest, ‘that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?’

    ‘Oh, thank heavens,’ sighs the drunk. ‘for a minute there, I thought I’d gone deaf.’

    Mary Clancy goes up to Father O’Grady after his Sunday morning service, and she’s in tears.

    He says, ‘So what’s bothering you, Mary my dear?’

    She says, ‘Oh, Father, I’ve got terrible news. My husband passed away last night.’

    The priest says, ‘Oh, Mary, that’s terrible. Tell me, Mary, did he have any last requests?’

    She says, ‘That he did, Father.’

    The priest says, ‘What did he ask, Mary?’

    She says, ‘He said, Please Mary, put down that gun….’

    AND THE BEST FOR LAST . . ..

    A drunk staggers into a Catholic Church, enters a confessional booth, sits down, but says nothing.

    The Priest coughs a few times to get his attention, but the drunk continues to sit there.

    Finally, the Priest pounds three times on the wall.

    The drunk mumbles, ‘Ain’t no use knockin, there’s no paper on this side either.

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  14. Being astounded and shocked at some video can be a break. I suggest “The Execution of Marcel Toledo”. Its a bit from a movie made in 1968. Its on YouTube and it’s 15 minutes of the heart of the movie.

    When I first saw it a few months ago, I thought it was a documentary on the last few minutes of a condemned man’s life. I was literally astounded when I found out a couple of weeks ago it was a movie.

    The condemned man was played to perfection by the actor. It’s gut wrenching to watch, but stops short of being gory. He is guiottined, but they don’t actually re-enact the head being chopped off.

    Watch it and see if you are not blown away by the acting of the main character.

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  18. “Well….Supernightshade has gotten me to swear off tabooli completely now…..”

    …sorry, @Aaron Burr. Try the hummus instead….

    …you can wash it down with a totally halal desert drink…

    “The hadeeth referred to by the questioner is a saheeh hadeeth, in which it says that some people came to Madeenah and fell sick. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) told them to drink the milk and urine of camels, and they recovered and grew fat. In the story it also says that they apostatized and killed the camel-herder, then the Muslims caught them and executed them. Narrated by al-Bukhaari (2855) and Muslim (1671)”

    https://islamqa.info/en/answers/83423/the-benefits-of-drinking-camel-urine

    …and illustrated…

    http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-xpOOa_RZW-I/VoTVUeuJNoI/AAAAAAAADEM/iiscnu89Cxg/s1600/1909935_851627851649313_3465807748529399046_n.jpg

    …enjoy!

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  19. saaaaaaaay……. No Spams truck is up in Idaho…… maybe….
    maybe Hambone could say he’s goin’ truck shoppin’ instead of bar huntin’.

    “Honey! Look at this fantastic bar skin rug I got thrown in the deal with the truck….”

    Plus, the truck bed is big enough to fit a couple of bars. About 50 barhides if you don’t feel like feeding them.

    Hmmmmm. Say there No Spam, how many barhides would you take for that there truck?

    UPDATE!!!! c’mon nightshade, no way Charlton Heston drank camel pee.

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  22. A friend of my BIL stopped by the other day to take me for a spin in his new station wagon. This is the guy who got caught hiding cars from his wife all over town in old lady’s rented garages. Claims his wife doesn’t have a clue what he is up to with this one.

    Mercedes wagon 603-hp twin-turbo V-8; a nine-speed automatic and all-wheel drive grocery getter. We went for a spin and it is nutz

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  23. “This is the guy who got caught hiding cars from his wife all over town in old lady’s rented garages.”

    Holy moly! This superhero deserves his own thread!

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  24. at one point, I had 17 cars, all basically the same.
    I was advised to group them together, in small numbers, with similar colors in the groups.
    Also important was that you couldn’t see one group from another. If I was ever asked about them, I just would say ‘oh, yeah, I just moved them.’ It worked.
    for a while

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  26. Hambone: Tough call. Don’t tell her you were kidnapped, she’ll never buy it. Don’t tell her you had a spell and wandered off she might get the police involved in either case – trouble. How about you tell her your good friend xyz made plans to go on this trip and then may have had a transient ischemic attack (TIA) he was tested and they found nothing. And warned him it might have been one. But his wife has asked you to go with him, because he is hell bent to go and she is afraid to have him go it alone. God forbid something happened to him out in the woods alone (wink, wink). This is just the rough draft. You’ll need to polish it up allot, don’t have it be someone she might call to check up on your story with. (but you knew that) If you know someone (female) you can ask/pay to call and ask for you then talk about you going when your wife is nearby to over hear the conversation. Be sure to ask the woman calling how she got your number. You’ll need to rehearse your lines to land this story effectively. It would be best if you could be honest, but we all know how that works out/not. You never got this idea from me so I take no responsibilities for good/bad results and learn from the mistakes of others because you’ll never live long enough to make them all yourself. Good Luck… I never tested this in the field.

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  29. My Volvo died on the road this afternoon for the second time in one year. Requiring the hook. My cell phone was home on the kitchen counter charging. Should I shoot it?? (the Volov that is) I’ll give it points for having made it to Vermont and back yesterday for a skiing trip (300+ miles) without a problem. Todays trip 13 miles and it died.

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  30. You fellers make a good point. A movie as famous as The Ten Commandments was bound to have a book written about it. Turns out they is. It’s called the Bible. And man, is it a corker!

    Books is always more explicit than movies…… unless Mel Gibson is making them.

    Anyways, turns out the Bible is chock full of hair raisin’ tales like Moses’s.

    Someone should make a movie about them. People like action movies.

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  34. Hambone, I sympathize with you. I may have no standing to express this opinion (never married), but geeze, women! Give your men a break! Stop treating them like your kids and let them do man things.

    Now, that being said; I understand worrying about loved ones. I lived a few years with my little sister and when she was late from a night out, I couldn’t sleep. But the manipulation that women do to their men …. I just don’t get it.

    Sorry, do I have to turn in my woman card now?

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  35. Pub Dog! What a clever bit. It was like watching our younger Dane, Murphy. He is quite adept at counter surfing and if it is within reach his tongue will make certain his attempts are successful. Cute cartoon, thanks.

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  36. Funny – Moses (Moises or Moyses) was in the Ishmaelite tent of Jethro (Reuel) and they (ancestors of the ragheads) made it a habit of spitting in their food, their shoes, other peoples’ shoes, the water supply, drinking bowls, and in their hands.

    Same as Ethiopians, oddly enough.

    It seems that people who eat out of common pots share many diseases which tend to diminish their capacity for civilization. Though, observation isn’t proof.

    Mud huts, tents, shared pots of food, double-dipping, barefootin, biggest killer being worm-infestations, a reluctance to write – yep, yep, yep – pretty clear that all cultures are equal.

    (cultural anthropology – not politics)

    izlamo delenda est …

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  37. Hambone,

    Just go on your trip. If the wife finds out its bear hunting it’s easier to apologize than ask permission.

    And, if a bear ends up killing you, you’re off the hook with her completely!

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  38. I saw this show once where these two guys belonged to the “Sons of the Desert” brotherhood and wanted to attend the convocation in Chicago. So they told their wives that one of them was ill and needed a convalescence in Hawaii (I think). And then they went to the brotherhood thing and then came home … and stuff happened … but it turned out OK … nobody died or had a car crash … though there was a ship wreck.

    So, Hambone, you may want to tell your wife that you’re ill and need to go to Hawaii to recover! It worked for them other guys.

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  39. Thanks for everyone’s input. I have to say that Claudia gets it. I will go on the bear hunt and she will recover no matter what her reaction is. Actually, she will be fine with it. I have been doing the prep work like finishing all the final touches on the house after rebuilding from Hurricane Harvey. Her sister is coming from Kazakhstan to visit her next month and I will be the one who drives them all over Texas to see whatever they want to see, so I’m paying my dues. The only thing she won’t allow is a bearskin rug on the living room floor.

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