Uproxx: A Florida Man Who Was Arrested With Coke And Meth Wrapped Around His Penis Swears It Isn’t His.
If you’re ever caught smuggling drugs on your person (not that we’d ever condone that), we can all learn a little somethin’ from Patrick Florence—namely, that junk on your junk is a bad idea. As Raw Story reports, the 34-year-old Florida man was pulled over by police early Saturday morning for driving a car that that did not have its lights on. But things only got worse from there when, according to Orlando Weekly, Florence was “arrested by police for DUI and possession of marijuana. A search of the car uncovered a gun under Florence’s seat.” more
“This isn’t my penis. I’m just holdin’ it for a friend.”
Um-humm. Yeah, right. Is this your “friend”?
https://i.pinimg.com/736x/12/55/95/125595a9a997e1982e478a6af380eba7.jpg
I’m impressed with the guy that could tape 89 bags of reefer to his dick. Either he was packing or those were some pretty small bags
So if it wasn’t his pecker whose pecker is it? Does the guy have an extra dick hidden in his pants somewhere that he doesn’t know about?
Did I tell you about the man with five penises?
His pants fit like a glove.
Could be an exciting new career for Michelle O as a drug mule.
“I’m not waiting on a lady
I’m just waiting on a friend”
Sorry Mick…
I hope he was pulled over by Polk County deputies and Sheriff Graddy Judd has a press conference.
That’s a limp excuse.
Florida Man doesn’t disappoint. Well played.
He should have used the ballsack mask and then blamed The Kung Fu Flu.
Probably would have gotten off scot-free.
Pro tip: if you are going to smuggle drugs at night, be sure your headlights are on.
Lost and Found report:
“Lost: my penis. Last seen it was cold and shriveled. If found please call 555-555-5555.”
“Found: One penis wrapped with drugs. Sold the drugs, thanks. Now offering penis to highest bidder. Call 555-555-5554.”
Shriveled penis inspector: finally, a job for Kamala Harris.
Should have gave The Big Guy 10%, of the money and The Big Whore 10% of the penis.
That would have made all this go away.
Why no picture of the guy? I can only think of one.
Sometimes, my wife allows me to carry my own penis….
@Toenex: Here he is!
https://blacksportsonline.com/2021/12/florida-man-patrick-florence-says-bags-of-cocaine-and-methamphetamine-wrapped-around-his-penis-arent-his/
Is it possible he was just being sarcastic?