You mean unfunny jokes? Only people that can tell unoffensive jokes that can still be funny are related by 5 year olds.
I dream of a world where chickens can cross the road without having their motives questioned.
1
What did the pirate say when he turned 80?
Aye Matey
I’ve been told I’m condescending.
(that means I talk down to people)
There was that funny video by Kathy Griffin with her holding Trump’s severed head. That was hilarious!
Oh, you were offended? You just don’t have a sense of humor.
(Is [/s] really necessary?)
@ a non a moose: Roads are man-made, man-caused dangers to our environment and are hazards to the wellbeing of all flightless birds. If it wasn’t for man’s interference with the natural order of things, chickens wouldn’t have to risk their lives crossing roads.
Two cis gender white native born Amemerican men were taking a dump next to each other. The first guy finishes and when he stands up a nickel falls out of his pocket and into the mess he just left.
At that he reaches in his pocket and throws all of his change and his wallet in the shit.
The other guy looks with unbelief and asks him: Why did you do that? He replied: so it would be worth going after.
White males are not allowed to be offended so suck it up buttercup
I was locked in a room until I could produce a pun.
My immediate response: “Oh, pun the door!”
Any linguists out there? Offended?
A Black guy, Mexican, Asian, Pollack, Norwegian, Indian, Muslim, Australian Aborigine, and a Priest walk into a bar. The bartender looks up and says, “What is this? A joke?”
@ Flip:
Funnier than the first time I saw the “two men walking a breast” joke.
@flip. That was punny.
My recent favorite:
What do you tell a Muslim female with two black eyes?
Nothing. She obviously didn’t understand the first two times.
If somebody tells a totally non-offensive joke,
please point out the punch line so I can fake a laugh.
If a man tells a joke and no one is there to hear it, are liberals still offended?
Q: What makes more noise than a politician?
A: Two politicians! (Drum roll)
Everyone knows why the chicken crossed the road. To prove to the raccoon that it could be done.
Fellow walked into the grocery an requested a half a head of Lettuce. The employee went flying into the back room an said to the Manager some a@@hole wants a half a head of lettuce.Not knowing the customer had followed him back. Looks were exchanged. He quickly turned and said…. An This Fine gentleman wants the other half.
Here’s one that won’t offend anyone.
The wife asks the husband if he would be real nice and go get some ice cream at the fantastic ice cream stand down the road.
Without a word he heads down there and gets her the dark chocolate turtle whammy she was craving, and rushes home to his waiting honey. Mmmm. Tasty.
That night in bed, he rubs his wife’s back and asks for a favor for being such a nice guy.
“But I’m bleeding right now,” she says.
“Your mouth isn’t bleeding,” said Mr. Horny
Anymore, only Irish, Jewish, Italian, Polish, and Blonde jokes are acceptable. The rest of the world’s creatures are miserable asswipes who just can’t take a little ribbing. Think CNN etc.
Irish Text message: “Mary darlin’ I just stopped off at the pub for a pint with the lads. Should be home in an hour. If not, read this again.” Love ya, Sean.
What doesn’t belong on the list?
Lobster
Chinese man run over by a train
Clam
Shrimp
Clam. It’s a bivalve.
The others are crustaceans
President of my local community college actually got in
hot water for telling that one. And that was in 1992.
How do you get down off of an elephant? You don’t, you get down off of a duck. If that’s not inoffensive I don’t know what is. What, are stupid jokes now offensive because stupid people don’t understand them. I guess they must be liberals who are offended by everything especially the truth.
How do you blindfold a chinaman ? Use dental floss.
What are the two things you must never do in a crowd or in the bedroom?
Point and laugh.
The first testicular guard, the “Cup,” was used in Hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974. That means it only took 100 years for men to realize that their brain is also important.
I was in a Starbucks Coffee recently when my stomach started rumbling and I realized that I desperately needed to fart. The place was packed, but the music was really loud so to get relief and reduce embarrassment I timed my farts tthe beat of the music. After a couple of songs I started to feel much better. I finished my coffee and noticed that everyone was staring at me. I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my Ipod with ear piece – and how was your day?
As God is my witness, I thought turkeys could fly
It’s offensive to fart at a Starschmucks or other liberal hangout or an elevator full of crowded people. But if you fart at Wally World no one will notice. OK, now a fart joke, Why do farts smell? So deaf people can enjoy them as well.
A 1984 “joke”
Q: What’s 2 + 2?
A: 5!…if you really WANT it to be!
A black guy, a Jew, and a queer walked into a bar.
The bartender said, “Hey! Get the hell out of here!”
(wait – isn’t the KKK Convention here this week?)
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To show the possum it could be done.
What did one casket say to the other?
That you coffin?
There are so many Asian drivers in California now, even the Mexicans are buying insurance.
I hit the car in front of me the other day.
A dwarf got out the car, walked over to my window, put his hands on hips, looked up and said:
“I’m am not happy”
I looked down at him and said, “Which one are you then?”
Dwarf jokes are the lowest form of humor.
@frank. Stealing that one.
“Good job Tyrone spelling BEFORE. Can you use it in a sentence?”
“Uh….two plus two, be fo…”
Mahatma Ghandi had developed callouses on his feet from walking bare footed and osteoporosis and bad breath from all his fasting.
He was known as a super calloused fragile mystic hexed with hallotosis.
A dwarf fortune teller was arrested, but escaped captivity.
He was a small medium at large.
A mother gave up her twin sons to be adopted.
One was adopted by a Mexican couple who named him Juan
The other was adopted by an Arab couple who named him Jamal.
Years later she got a picture of Juan.
She told her husband she would also like to se Jamal.
Her husband said, “They’re twins. If you’ve seen Juan, you’ve Jamal.”
Roy Rogers got some new boots and had just rubbed them down with daddies soap. He put them out on the porch to dry.
A mountain lion chewed the boots up.
He saddled up Trigger and rode off in search of the mountain lion.
A couple of days later he rode back with a dead mountain lion strapped over Triggrr.
Dale Evans rushed out and called out, “Pardon me, Roy. Is that the cat who chewed your new shoes.”
So … a nigger, a wop, and a kike … did something … and it had to do with the fukkin Pope!
I can’t remember the rest – but it wasn’;t doffensive ……………
Why did the chicken cross the road?
You mean unfunny jokes? Only people that can tell unoffensive jokes that can still be funny are related by 5 year olds.
I dream of a world where chickens can cross the road without having their motives questioned.
What did the pirate say when he turned 80?
Aye Matey
I’ve been told I’m condescending.
(that means I talk down to people)
There was that funny video by Kathy Griffin with her holding Trump’s severed head. That was hilarious!
Oh, you were offended? You just don’t have a sense of humor.
(Is [/s] really necessary?)
@ a non a moose: Roads are man-made, man-caused dangers to our environment and are hazards to the wellbeing of all flightless birds. If it wasn’t for man’s interference with the natural order of things, chickens wouldn’t have to risk their lives crossing roads.
Two cis gender white native born Amemerican men were taking a dump next to each other. The first guy finishes and when he stands up a nickel falls out of his pocket and into the mess he just left.
At that he reaches in his pocket and throws all of his change and his wallet in the shit.
The other guy looks with unbelief and asks him: Why did you do that? He replied: so it would be worth going after.
White males are not allowed to be offended so suck it up buttercup
I was locked in a room until I could produce a pun.
My immediate response: “Oh, pun the door!”
Any linguists out there? Offended?
A Black guy, Mexican, Asian, Pollack, Norwegian, Indian, Muslim, Australian Aborigine, and a Priest walk into a bar. The bartender looks up and says, “What is this? A joke?”
@ Flip:
Funnier than the first time I saw the “two men walking a breast” joke.
@flip. That was punny.
My recent favorite:
What do you tell a Muslim female with two black eyes?
Nothing. She obviously didn’t understand the first two times.
If somebody tells a totally non-offensive joke,
please point out the punch line so I can fake a laugh.
If a man tells a joke and no one is there to hear it, are liberals still offended?
Q: What makes more noise than a politician?
A: Two politicians! (Drum roll)
Everyone knows why the chicken crossed the road. To prove to the raccoon that it could be done.
Fellow walked into the grocery an requested a half a head of Lettuce. The employee went flying into the back room an said to the Manager some a@@hole wants a half a head of lettuce.Not knowing the customer had followed him back. Looks were exchanged. He quickly turned and said…. An This Fine gentleman wants the other half.
Here’s one that won’t offend anyone.
The wife asks the husband if he would be real nice and go get some ice cream at the fantastic ice cream stand down the road.
Without a word he heads down there and gets her the dark chocolate turtle whammy she was craving, and rushes home to his waiting honey. Mmmm. Tasty.
That night in bed, he rubs his wife’s back and asks for a favor for being such a nice guy.
“But I’m bleeding right now,” she says.
“Your mouth isn’t bleeding,” said Mr. Horny
Anymore, only Irish, Jewish, Italian, Polish, and Blonde jokes are acceptable. The rest of the world’s creatures are miserable asswipes who just can’t take a little ribbing. Think CNN etc.
Irish Text message: “Mary darlin’ I just stopped off at the pub for a pint with the lads. Should be home in an hour. If not, read this again.” Love ya, Sean.
What doesn’t belong on the list?
Lobster
Chinese man run over by a train
Clam
Shrimp
Clam. It’s a bivalve.
The others are crustaceans
President of my local community college actually got in
hot water for telling that one. And that was in 1992.
How do you get down off of an elephant? You don’t, you get down off of a duck. If that’s not inoffensive I don’t know what is. What, are stupid jokes now offensive because stupid people don’t understand them. I guess they must be liberals who are offended by everything especially the truth.
How do you blindfold a chinaman ? Use dental floss.
What are the two things you must never do in a crowd or in the bedroom?
Point and laugh.
The first testicular guard, the “Cup,” was used in Hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974. That means it only took 100 years for men to realize that their brain is also important.
I was in a Starbucks Coffee recently when my stomach started rumbling and I realized that I desperately needed to fart. The place was packed, but the music was really loud so to get relief and reduce embarrassment I timed my farts tthe beat of the music. After a couple of songs I started to feel much better. I finished my coffee and noticed that everyone was staring at me. I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my Ipod with ear piece – and how was your day?
As God is my witness, I thought turkeys could fly
It’s offensive to fart at a Starschmucks or other liberal hangout or an elevator full of crowded people. But if you fart at Wally World no one will notice. OK, now a fart joke, Why do farts smell? So deaf people can enjoy them as well.
A 1984 “joke”
Q: What’s 2 + 2?
A: 5!…if you really WANT it to be!
A black guy, a Jew, and a queer walked into a bar.
The bartender said, “Hey! Get the hell out of here!”
(wait – isn’t the KKK Convention here this week?)
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To show the possum it could be done.
What did one casket say to the other?
That you coffin?
There are so many Asian drivers in California now, even the Mexicans are buying insurance.
I hit the car in front of me the other day.
A dwarf got out the car, walked over to my window, put his hands on hips, looked up and said:
“I’m am not happy”
I looked down at him and said, “Which one are you then?”
Dwarf jokes are the lowest form of humor.
@frank. Stealing that one.
“Good job Tyrone spelling BEFORE. Can you use it in a sentence?”
“Uh….two plus two, be fo…”
Mahatma Ghandi had developed callouses on his feet from walking bare footed and osteoporosis and bad breath from all his fasting.
He was known as a super calloused fragile mystic hexed with hallotosis.
A dwarf fortune teller was arrested, but escaped captivity.
He was a small medium at large.
A mother gave up her twin sons to be adopted.
One was adopted by a Mexican couple who named him Juan
The other was adopted by an Arab couple who named him Jamal.
Years later she got a picture of Juan.
She told her husband she would also like to se Jamal.
Her husband said, “They’re twins. If you’ve seen Juan, you’ve Jamal.”
Roy Rogers got some new boots and had just rubbed them down with daddies soap. He put them out on the porch to dry.
A mountain lion chewed the boots up.
He saddled up Trigger and rode off in search of the mountain lion.
A couple of days later he rode back with a dead mountain lion strapped over Triggrr.
Dale Evans rushed out and called out, “Pardon me, Roy. Is that the cat who chewed your new shoes.”
So … a nigger, a wop, and a kike … did something … and it had to do with the fukkin Pope!
I can’t remember the rest – but it wasn’;t doffensive ……………