The insomniacs definitely got the jump on me.
Last night I had begun this little Obama Bar riff in the post entitled, “Obama On Dem Loss – “Too Many Bars Have Fox News On the Tee Vee”. After a few contributions like “Fort Dicks”, “Orifice Max”, “The Muslim BrotherHunk”, “Rear Admiral’s”, “Club Manwich”, and “Pole Vaulter’s” it was beginning to look like it was just me and Perspective dukin’ it out.
So, I turned off the computer for the night.
Then, BFH, who never sleeps, except when he’s in the tub, picked it up and I saw this morning that I was judging this contest. And no, I will NOT be picking my own entry. (Ted Baxter voice: “I COULD, y’know!”)
The criteria for tallying entries is actually one that has served our country well for over 200 years. I’m referring, of course, to The Electoral Junior High.
This system derives it’s name from the fact that, generally speaking, the more juvenile the entry, the more apt I am to like it.
The prize will be a big one: The winner will get to pick the next Trump cabinet member. Now, in the interest of full disclosure, I haven’t been able to reach the President-Elect just yet but I’ll keep trying. (He must be busy or something.)
Honorable mentions that made me laugh:
Rusty B. – The Manhole
Ted Nougat – International House of Mancakes
Bamo – The Inverted Stool
Chalupa – Malcolm’s Exes
Bad_Brad – The Male Box
Chalupa – Al’s Jizzeera
Ted Nougat – Fundamental Trans Formation Club
judgeroybean – Push Your Stool Inn
All Too Much – The Closet
MJA – Suspicious Package
MJA – The Happy Hamster
Cato – Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell
Blink – South End Union
RacKAttacK – The Meating Room
Joe O’C – Buns N Hoses
Hard to narrow it to one but I have to so my pick goes to….
Ted Nougat for the brilliantly funny “The Exit Pole” which is hilarious on so many levels.
Nicely done, Ted! The next Trump cabinet pick is yours.
Disclaimer: If you choose Lindsay Graham the whole contest is null and void.
I never win anything that requires talent, creativeness. skill or even blind luck. Other than that I’m good.
Congrats to you Mr. Nougat
There is just soooo much talent here, it’s hard to believe we all didn’t get PARTICIPATION TROPHIES!
Good Job Y’all!
The most disturbing part is that you know that BFH sleeps in his tub….
I wish I could UNknow it. – Irony
All those are hysterical. Congratulations to Ted Nougat. At least send him some of those tiny paper umbrellas to put in his drink.
Congrats!! Ted Nougat. Well done.
I was disappointed to find there were folks more juvenile than me.
I’m saddened, but encouraged to try harder.
If Obama had lost this contest, he would have blamed it on Fox News playing in too many bars.
I think I’ve turned gay from reading those entries.
I didn’t win. Guess i will go burn some sh!t.
LOL nice! I liked that one, too. 😀
Whale oil beef hooked. I lost again even with the best entries.
You’re a racist, deplorable. homobophobic. prick Irony. LOL great show. The manhole, The male Box, for fuck sake. The Ramrod was the place to go in NYC. I met BFH there once years ago. Hee, hee.
Tommy, I think it’s a rigged system. And I think it has something to do with Furs sleeping habits and Black Male. That was going to be my next entry but I fell asleep.
LOLOL…The name is….’He sleeps in his tub’…there ya go…
Know what we call the International House of Mancakes in Arizona?
IHUMP
Here’s one I didn’t post because it wasn’t mine; apparently thought up by Kurt Schlichter
Rockin’ The Assbar
Wowser, I won a spot on the honorable mention list. Thanks.
All I ever won before was the military draft in 1972 , and 15 years later a cheap tv given away by a gas station.
Thanks! I’m honored to be able to pick a cabinet member for the Trump administration. How about Dennis Prager as Secretary of the Department of American Greatness?
Excellent pick!!! – Irony
“The Exit Pole” ? Awesome!
Loved’em all!
A special group here. Thank You!
If I win I’m picking myself for his Cabinet.
I want to be Secretary of dreaming up cool stuff for NASA to do.
Like building bases on the moon for practice for Mars, but more importantly, we need to go to the moon so I can retire there eventually.
Imagine the golf courses! Hole 6, Par 5, 45 miles.
If you fall you can call the paramedics on the way down.
Exit Pole was.. was.. disgusting… and juvenile.
I’m surprised Jerry Manderin didn’t think of it.
(I concur with The Exit Pole as the winner. So many levels.)
I’ve fallen asleep so many times in the tub people are starting to call me Whitney.
Aw right,,,Ted Nougat needs to be stripped of his authority….Dennis Prager?…when he could choose Sofia Vergara for Secretary of the trampoline?….or Meg Ryan for Secratary of anything that might have touched my thumb…Raquel Welch for Secretary of….Goddam you’ve alway been beautiful…
“I’ve fallen asleep so many times in the tub people are starting to call me Whitney.”
Sooo, a couple questions. What of the following is also in the tub, water, pillows, blankie, chickens, woman, electrical appliances, Voyage to the Bottom of the Sea replica Submarine, Mermaid, several issues of Mad Magazine, anatomically correct inflatable doll?
Hey, Fur – didn’t you do an interview from the tub with Andrea Shea King?
…YOU in the tub, Andrea on the phone … not in the tub with you.
I’ll stop now.
A great collection and the winner was right on top.
I missed all the fun. I would have submitted this.
Fidel Attraction.
Am I being too critical or too sober when I say these suck?
Loco, actually just your usual self. Let’s hear yours. The rest of us retards just do the best we can. So go ahead, show us how stupid we are.
The Nut Shack
The Gooey Bone
Hairy’s Ass Bar
Pardon me while I amuse myself. 😇
The Butt Punch
Faggies
Anal’s
Bone Home
I demand a recount! I am going to burn my IOTW flags!!!
Well, there all funny an shit … an confabulations Nugget … but, y’know, just cuz I couldn’tna thunk of anything funny don’t mean htat I should’nta notta won somethin!
I meen, I had the funnyest one never, but soon as I got to tiping it, somebody elese wood tipe sunthin an then I’d forget … it ain’t my fault!
As one condom said to the other outside The Ramrod, “let’s go in and get shitfaced.”
Dont want to rain on your parade, Ted, but isn’t the male penis more of an entrance pole, as opposed to an exit pole.
So that’s one level where “Exit Pole” doesn’t work for me; because it reminds me that eventually I do have to pull out and get on with the rest of my life
He’ll probably just end up in a bar named “Lindsey’s” or “Barney’s” anyway.
Broke Barack Mounting
Congrats Ted!! If it were me, I’d pick Nancy Pelosi as Secretary Of The Inferior.
The In&OUT Bugger and Bar!
Isn’t that a new place opening soon in chitown?