And he sees a woman in the dark shadows—
h/t Doc.
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Maldhoom lived alone in the Irish countryside with only a pet dog for company.
One day the dog died, and Maldhoom went to the parish priest and asked,
“Father, my dog is dead. Could ya’ be saying’ a mass for the poor creature?”
Father Patrick replied,
“I’m afraid not; we cannot have services for an animal in the church. But there are some Baptists down the lane, and there’s no tellin’ what they believe. Maybe they’ll do something for the creature.”
Maldhoom said,
“I’ll go right away Father. Do ya ‘think $5,000 is enough to donate to them for the service?”
Father Patrick exclaimed,
“Sweet Mary, Mother of Jesus! Why didn’t ya tell me the dog was Catholic?”
Finn told Paddy that the neighbors have been complaining about Paddy leaving the blinds open when he was makin’ love to his wife last Saturday.
Paddy says HAH! I fooled them, I wasn’t even home Saturday I was fishin’ with me friend Patrick!
“My God! What happened to you?” the bartender asked Paddy as he limped into the Belfast pub on a crutch with one arm in a cast and his face black and blue.
“I got into an argument with Mick”, replied Paddy.
“Mick? He’s just a wee fellow”, the barman said, surprised. “He must have had something in his hand.”
“Aye, that he did!” replied Paddy. “A shovel it was, and a terrible lickin’ he gave me with it!”
“Dear Lord…but didn’t you have anything in YOUR hand, Paddy?” asked the barman.
“Aye, that I did – Mick’s wife’s left breast”, Paddy said. “And a beautiful thing it was to behold, but not much use in a fight.”
Whale Oil Beef Hooked!
Do yourselves a flavor and do a youtube search for “Mobile Leprechaun”
“God made whiskey so the Irish wouldn’t take over the World.”
Man, I hate it when that happens!
Happy St Pat’s! To all YOUS…Irish or NOT… ;>)
The Waterboys, The Whole of the Moon, 1985:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8TON3PORRDQ
Little Billy MacDougal was walking down the sidewalk when a big truck came around the corner and rolled over right on top of him.
McTash, the local constable came along, and tried to console poor little Billy as he hadn’t much time to live.
He told Billy that it looked bad for the lad, and did he want him to summon a priest.
“Good lord McTash” cried Billy, “At a time like this, why would you be thinking about sex”?
Q. Whats the difference between an Irish funeral and an Irish wedding?
A. There’s one less drunk at the funeral.
First time I looked at tiktok – is that considered to be youtube for faggots or something?
Father O’Conner was in the confessional when Mary Fitzgerald came in. She was weeping inconsolably through the screen when he opened the door.
“Mary, what’s all this? What be troubling you?” he asked.
“Father, my husband Seamus passed on last night”, she said through her tears, “and his last words really upset me”
“That’s terrible, Mary! How awful that your husband died! But what did he say in passing that caused you to take it so to heart?”
“His last words were “Put down the gun Mary, and let me give you the beating you deserve”…
Officer McTavish went to the home of Sean O’Rourke to tell his wife her husband had died in a terrible accident in the brewery he worked in.
“He’d fallen in a vat of Stout and drown”, said the officer.
“”Merciful Mary! That’s terrible! Do you think he suffered?”, she wept.
“No mum, I don’t think so, seeing as he got out three times to pee before the end…”
Moe Tom we miss you.
Father Donnelly was an avid fisherman, and one Sunday dawned so bright and pleasant with just the right amount of breeze that he couldn’t resist and called the deacon to say he couldn’t hold services that day because he was sick. The deacon commiserated with him and said he’d get a visiting priest in and the whole congregation would pray for him.
The good Padre, his excuse made, then cheerfully whistled as he got rod and reel, and headed out to the lake.
Above him, God and St. Peter were watching from the clouds.
St. Peter knew that God was easily angered, and that he had little patience with disobedient priests who abandoned their flock, so he expectantly watched Father D to see what wrath God would unleash on him.
But nothing happened. The errant pastor fished on quietly and happily, no boils broke out, no frogs leapt up, the skies did not darken and the earth did not shake. Just a priest fishing in contentment was visible.
St. Peter looked at the face of God, and it was serene, even smirking slightly. He looked back and forth between God and His straying Fisher of Men, and nothing seemed to be happening, although God was rapturously watching.
After awhile, this required comment.
“Lord, I’m confused. Are you not going to punish this man?”
The Lord said, smilingly, “I AM.”
…St. Peter saw nothing.
…he looked again at God, who waved him to silence, then said, “WAIT FOR IT…WAIT FOR IT….NOW!”, and pointed at the priest.
Who in that moment, got a HUGE strike. He played it out and reeled it in, played it out and reeled it in, and after hours of work, landed an absolutely beautiful, record-shattering fish.
…this puzzled St. Peter more. He said, “Lord, is that the punishment? It looks like a reward!”
God said, “HE’S A FISHERMAN, RIGHT?”
Peter said, “Yes, Lord”.
God said, “HE JUST LANDED A TROPHY WINNING FISH, RIGHT?”
again, Peter said, “Just so, Lord”.
Then God said, “HIS CHURCHMEN AND ALL HIS CONGREGATION WERE LIED TO BY HIM, HE SAID GE WAS SICK, RIGHT?”
…Peter said, “yyuesss…”
…Then God said, “AND THERE IS THE WORST PUNISHMENT I CAN GIVE A FISHERMAN. HES CAUGHT THE BIGGEST FISH OF HIS LIFE, BUT…WHO’S HE GONNA TELL?”