Safe at last! [Bikini Update] 😉 – IOTW Report

Safe at last! [Bikini Update] 😉

I took down my Rebel flag (which you can’t buy on EBAY any more) and peeled the NRA sticker off my rear window.

I disconnected my home alarm system and quit the candy-ass Neighborhood Watch.

I bought two Pakistani flags and put one at each corner of the front yard.

Then I purchased the black flag of ISIS (which you CAN Buy on EBAY) and ran it up the flag pole.

Now the local police, sheriff, FBI, CIA, NSA, Homeland Security, Secret Service and other agencies are all watching my house 24/7.

I’ve NEVER felt safer and I’m saving $69.95 a month that ADT used to charge me.

Plus, I bought burkas for me to wear when I shop or travel. Everyone moves out of the way and security can’t pat me down.

If they say I’m a male wearing a burka, I just say I’m feeling like a woman today.

Hot Damn… Safe at last.

h/t Zonga.

31 Comments on Safe at last! [Bikini Update] 😉

  1. “Now the local police, sheriff, FBI, CIA, NSA, Homeland Security, Secret Service and other agencies are all watching my house 24/7.”

    The actions you describe above would not buzz their radar one bit. In fact, they would offer a sigh of relief,”No need to worry about this guy, he is now one of the converted. Now we can focus on the real terrorists, those church going right wing Nazi types that think for themselves and don’t cotton to be told what to do”.

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  2. @rich taylor — You’re absolutely right about the local police, FBI, CIA, NSA, Homeland Security, and Secret Service, but if you’re in Polk County, Florida, I guarantee you that Sheriff Grady Judd will be keeping a very close eye on you.

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  3. Ah, to be 6’2″, 180 lbs., rich, handsome, and 30 y/o again …

    Sure looks happy! Musta been thinkin about me … no … she’d be belly-laughing.

    izlamo delenda est …

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  4. Burka burka!

    (The photo is a bit fuzzy, however. I safelay fails as photo ID – smart. Oh, I see. It’s a picture of a picture. I should loan you my scanner! 🙂 )

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