ACSH: A few years ago, my mother gave me a Christmas present (nice Jewish family, right?). I had no idea what it was, and I was a bit puzzled by the package — a plain cardboard box with the following on the label:
WARNING: This product contains chemicals known to the State of California to cause cancer and birth defects or other reproductive harm.
This got me wondering why my mother would get me weapons-grade uranium as a gift. After all, I’ve been a pretty good son, and I don’t remember asking for any. Then again, the package was too light, so I ruled that out pretty quickly. But, what could be in there?
A plastic bird house.
If you’re wondering why a box containing a bird house requires a Proposition 65(1)warning label, you are not alone. But, if you live in California, you won’t even notice it. Proposition 65 stickers are everywhere: hotel rooms, restaurants, automobile showrooms, art supply stores, supermarkets, parking garages, hardware stores, Starbucks, and on beaches.
But not on your penis. That would actually make some sense scientifically. More
WARNING: If you are allergic to nuts, this could be hazardous to your health.
Guy I know used to say “that guy’s nuts! grab em!”
Carefull faggot, you’ll put your eye out.
New Speak:
On a bag of peanuts: “This product contains peanuts.” and “This product processed in a facility which processes nuts, including tree nuts and peanuts.”
No. Sh*t.
https://scontent.cdninstagram.com/t51.2885-15/s640x640/sh0.08/e35/12940872_958751674206809_701084703_n.jpg?ig_cache_key=MTIyMTc2MTg1MDM2NjQ2NDkyMQ%3D%3D.2.l
The linked site is running a contest for the best catchy public campaign slogan. My entries:
We don’t care how you swing,
Put a tag on that thing!
Don’t be a zero – be a real hero!
Give her a chance – now lower your pants!
And my idea for the actual warning label:
WARNING: Contents of shorts may be smaller than illustration, and cause cancer
I paraphrase BS Pulley,
“Just a regular guy with a short ropney with a label on it that said ‘Shorty’s'”
“But when it became aroused, it said: Shorty’s Pizzeria and delicatessen. We deliver in the morning, we deliver at night. When then in the Bronx dial…Biloxi 555…..”
my wife of 40 years- God rest her soul- used to laugh at me when I drooped my draws but afterwards she would smile. 🙂
Walnut is the second hardest wood. The hardest wood is in my pants!
The instructions should read: “Stick up your ass, and THEN in your mouth.”
Or: “If it don’t make you bleed, there ain’t no need.”
A warning label on MY penis?
Nooooo. That’s silly.
It’s long but, good grief, it’s not THAT long. I could only reach Ft. Worth from here.
Oldie:
Two drunk guys on their way home after the bar closes stop on a bridge to pee.
1st drunk thought he’d be funny and said: Man, the water is cold tonight.
2nd drunk didn’t miss a beat: Yeah, and DEEP too!
Shouldn’t Catherine Zeta-Jones have one of those labels then as well?
I’m just askin’.
And I thought I worked with a bunch of sickos…