Diogenes’ Middle Finger: In an industry where the sum total of testosterone would fail to equal that found in a single 19-year-old paratrooper, CNN’s Brian “Tater” Stelter stands out as an example of how a fat, balding guy can try to pull off an androgynous look and fail miserably. Ostensibly a “media analyst” with a show named, hilariously, “Reliable Sources,” Stelter was arguably saved from anonymity by political satirist Mark Dice.
For the past four years, Stelter has had two fetishes: he pushed every hare-brained Russia Hoax allegation that appeared anywhere, and he hates Fox News, in particular, Sean Hannity and Tucker Carlson, with the heat of a thousand lumps of burning soy product.
Stelter has a new book out, HOAX: Donald Trump, Fox News, and the Dangerous Distortion of Truth, in which he undertakes the role of a one-man Truth Commission to attempt to discover why Fox continually kicks CNN’s ass in ratings. As you can see from his Amazon blurb, the answer is Sean Hannity: more
HOAX… it autta be an autobiography!!
CNN: The Clownfart News Network
(where all the “news” smells funny)
ZzzzzzzzzzxZzzzzzzx
Yeah.
I’ll be dashing to the Barnes and Noble for that fecal emanation.
Seriously. Do these idiots have a clue as to how much they are reviled?
Apparently not.
They are clueless.
Just who would buy his drivel? He lies as easily as he breathes. Humpty Dumpty is a great nickname but Tater beats them all.
…”the heat of a thousand lumps of burning soy product.”
(Snort.) Would you like to visualize it or would you like to do the math?
Pop quiz: Compute the heat of combustion of Brian “Tater” Stelter.
Extra credit: What are the byproducts?
@Jimmy — I can’t give you a numeric answer, but in relative terms “Tater’s” heat of combustion would be greater than burning one buttered and syruped waffle from a Hamilton Inn free breakfast buffet, but slightly less than a Dove facial cleansing bar.
As for byproducts, there would be none save for a trace scent of Dolce & Gabbana “The One” perfume.
Ooo Ooo Jimmy, I got this!
Creamy peanut butter times golf ball-sized hail. Take the difference between a pile of dog fur and a box of kleenex.
Pretty flowers need fingernail polish but stones that climb trees have no sense of smell.
Did I win?
Oh, wait. I just plagiarized Biden! Never mind.
I don’t think Tater is who he pretends to be. I think he’s a damn Mexican National here just to stir up shit. Take a hard look at this bastard. He ain’t from around here.
They call him…Tater Tot. Unless you want to hear the whole joke, skip to the 5:00 minute mark
https://duckduckgo.com/?q=ron+white+they+call+me+tater+salad&t=ffnt&atb=v198-1&iax=videos&iar=videos&ia=videos&iai=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3D-enTBWgtVPY
Bad_Brad, I keep trying to warn people that his “smile” is his tell. He struggles, but he cannot replicate that particularly human expression of happiness. Like a satanic blend of John Wayne Gacy and a tarantula. I hope he doesn’t come to my Costco to sign his book.
Uncle Al and Claudia, you’re both incredibly close to the exact answers!
But after reviewing deep (state) quantum mechanics applied to soy-fed pudge balls, chemists have concluded he could easily be the most combustible organic conglomeration of caliginous compounds yet discovered. Estimates:
H = 70.4 Mega-Joules/kg • m
m = 100 kg
H = 7,040.4 Mega-Joules
(Enough to heat your home at the North Pole for several days.)
Byproducts: Untested but speculated to be hundreds of aromatic hydrocarbon compounds: aka STENCH.
Thirdtwin
Exactly. We are picking up on the same thing. There’s something seriously not right about this midget bald gay clown.
@Jimmy ~
Pop quiz: Compute the heat of combustion of Brian “Tater” Stelter. … I’d have to know the burner fire-rate, w/ the efficiency of air vs. excess air within the flame & the BMI of the lard-butt
Extra credit: What are the byproducts? … chard lard
@Jimmy — I’m sure your caloric calculations and chemical analyses are quite correct, but only if one assumes that Tater is either a mammal or a marsupial. That is not a fact in evidence.
Don’t bend over in the garden Granny, that tater’s got eyes.
Just think that one network has a Fredo and a Tater.
Uncle Al, Molon’s point about leftover, unburned fats in the oven suggests you could be right. Reptile, or, lizard alien, possibly? Also, apparently his teeth were unoxidized and still in their smiling dweeb state, favoring unknown chemistry there, that’s for sure.