What Does One Do With a 1-Ton Pumpkin?

25 Comments on What Does One Do With a 1-Ton Pumpkin?

1. “What Does One Do With a 1-Ton Pumpkin?”

   …this…

   https://kawarthanow.com/2018/10/31/see-canadas-biggest-jack-o-lantern-on-display-in-kawartha-lakes/

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2. Buy a really big pie pan.

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3. Find a Business Reply Mail card from some organization you hate, preferably something associated with the Dem party or GBLTs or satanists, tape the card securely to the pumpkin, and unload where it blocks the post office loading dock.

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4. Well it is Colorado… The seasonal solution would be to make pumpkin spiced dope!

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5. uh … make a two-ton pie?

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6. Quick, someone tell Linus Van Pelt that it’s really the Great pumpkin.

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7. God bless Charles M. Schulz!

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8. One ton punkin chunkin.

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9. Call Elon Musk and send it into space.

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10. He could send his kids to college by selling the seeds.

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11. You’re going to need an extra-large trebuchet, catapult or giant air cannon to launch a 1-ton pumpkin very far. But it’d be fun as all get out to watch just as long as you’re not downrange when it makes a ginormous splat.

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12. Sell it to Peter Pumpkin-eater

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13. Last week a ~400lb. pumpkin appeared on a 4 foot square pallet on the side of the Bay road I live along. Monday two more mysteriously appeared alongside the first one. You’d need a serious trebuchet to launch one of these gourds!

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14. cultural weight-appropriation, said the ghettopotamus

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15. “What Does One Do With a 1-Ton Pumpkin?”

    …Drop it from a crane as a form of execution on the next person who wants to make a Pumpkin Spice version of anything.

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16. Make a pie for Lizzo.

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17. How high do you need to drop the pumpkin from to make an enormous splat?

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18. I’m picturing a Monty Python sketch that takes place in DC.

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19. I’m a stoner and I’m OK. NOT!

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20. Combine it with a whole lot of eggs, cream, brown sugar, salt, cinnamon, ginger, cloves, allspice and nutmeg and pour the result in the world’s biggest pie crust (10′ diameter by my approximation) consisting of ____ lbs. of flour, ____ lbs. of lard, ____ of salt, ____ cups of almond extract and ____ gallons of water. (You do the math – I’ve given up on it.)

    Lite the town of Boulder, CO on fire and bake the pie there.

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21. Imagine it in the middle of a demolition derby event and the winning car has to hit it at full speed in order to get the prize.

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22. With God as my witness, I thought pumpkins could fly…

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23. How to get your house egged and TP’d –

    https://izismile.com/2024/10/15/daily_picdump_60_pics-29.html

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24. Pumpkins can only fly if they’re shot from a trebuchet, a catapult or a high-powered air cannon. We could bring back Les Nessman to cover that story. Oh, the humanity! And show it on Thanksgiving Day on the Discovery channel.

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25. When life hands you a 1-ton pumpkin, you make lemonade out of it.

    I think that’s how it’s supposed to go.

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