h/t Doc.
AN OLD WOMAN WALKED UP AND TIED HER OLD MULE TO THE HITCHING POST.
AS SHE STOOD THERE, BRUSHING SOME OF THE DUST FROM HER FACE AND CLOTHES, A YOUNG GUNSLINGER STEPPED OUT OF THE SALOON WITH A GUN IN ONE HAND AND A BOTTLE OF WHISKEY IN THE OTHER. THE YOUNG GUNSLINGER LOOKED AT THE OLD WOMAN AND LAUGHED, “HEY OLD WOMAN, HAVE YOU EVER DANCED?”
THE OLD WOMAN LOOKED UP AT THE GUNSLINGER AND SAID, “NO,… I NEVER DID DANCE… NEVER REALLY WANTED TO.”
A CROWD HAD GATHERED AS THE GUNSLINGER GRINNED AND SAID “WELL, YOU OLD BAG, YOU’RE GONNA DANCE NOW,” AND STARTED SHOOTING AT THE OLD WOMAN’S FEET.THE OLD WOMAN PROSPECTOR — NOT WANTING TO GET HER TOE BLOWN OFF –STARTED HOPPING AROUND.
EVERYBODY WAS LAUGHING. WHEN HIS LAST BULLET HAD BEEN FIRED, THE YOUNG GUNSLINGER, STILL LAUGHING, HOLSTERED HIS GUN AND TURNED AROUND TO GO BACK INTO THE SALOON.
THE OLD WOMAN TURNED TO HER PACK MULE, PULLED OUT A DOUBLE-BARRELED SHOTGUN, AND COCKED BOTH HAMMERS.THE LOUD CLICKS CARRIED CLEARLY THROUGH THE DESERT AIR, AND THE CROWD STOPPED LAUGHING IMMEDIATELY.
THE YOUNG GUNSLINGER HEARD THE SOUNDS, TOO, AND HE TURNED AROUND VERY SLOWLY. THE SILENCE WAS ALMOST DEAFENING.
THE CROWD WATCHED AS THE YOUNG GUNMAN STARED AT THE OLD WOMAN AND THE LARGE GAPING HOLES OF THOSE TWIN BARRELS.THE BARRELS OF THE SHOTGUN NEVER WAVERED IN THE OLD WOMAN’S HANDS, AS SHE QUIETLY SAID, “SON, HAVE YOU EVER KISSED A MULE’S ASS?”
THE GUNSLINGER SWALLOWED HARD AND SAID, “NO M’AM… BUT I’VE ALWAYS WANTED TO.
THERE ARE FIVE LESSONS HERE FOR ALL OF US:
1 – Never be arrogant.
2 – Don’t waste ammunition.
3 – Whiskey makes you think you’reΒ smarter than you are.
4 – Always make sure you know who has the power.
5 – Don’t mess with old women; they didn’t get old by being stupid.
PHenry is NOT going to like those ALL-CAPS!
Just ask Benito…
Benito? Where art thou?
Where’s πππ ππππ ππ πππ πππππ?
I’ve been saying Number 5 a lot these days.
Cute.
I like it.
Don’t eat yellow.
Don’t fuck with people that handle your food.
Yeah where is the Bombed Beaner anyway?
/Salute
Been married 66 years. NEVER CALL WIFE OLD! I’m old; got that way by , sometimes, not being dumb!
Wife has MacCraken blood. Told me 66 years ago if I ever “fooled around” she would cut my nuts off! I never did.
But we are both pacifists. NOT
I didn’t type it…I’m not a fan on CAPS unless I’m REALLY PISSED OFF! I did like the moral of the story, don’t waste ammo!
Old age and treachery will beat youth and skill every time.
Another lesson from the story:
A loaded double barrel cures stupidity
Brown Eyed Girl
Not the ones here refusing to vote for Trump in 2024. A new level of stupid.
An old cowboy went to a bar and ordered a drink. As he sat sipping his whiskey, a young lady sat down next to him. She turned to the cowboy and asked, “Are you a real cowboy?”
He replied, “Well, I’ve spent my whole life on the ranch, herding horses, mending fences, and branding cattle, so I guess I am.”
She said, “I’m a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about women. When I shower, I think about women. As I watch TV, or even eat, I think about women. Everything seems to make me think about women.”
The two sat sipping in silence. A short time later, a man sat down on the other side of the old cowboy and asked, “Are you a real cowboy?”
He replied, “I always thought I was, but I just found out that I’m a lesbian.”
You hear “Bless your heart” from folks in the South. What is disconcerting is hearing it from sweet little old ladies. The tone and timbre suggests it’s true hidden meaning…