Honest Don

HONESTDON

Lindsey Graham? The guy’s a fag. You know it and I know it. My fish know it. But who cares? I don’t. But maybe he cares. The guy is gayer than a picnic basket but won’t admit it. That makes him a target for blackmail. Next.

Jeb Bush? He’s the Rachel Dolezal of Mexicans. He wants to be Mexican so bad he mows his lawn 3 times a day. When he passes gas it sounds like La Cucaracha. I agree, he should be president… of Mexico. Next.

Hillary Clinton? Is she finished with her menopause yet? I don’t think so. One minute she’s sitting around, depressed, sun glasses, wearing a winter coat on a plane. Next minute she’s got her bingo wings out and she’s laughing like a lunatic. I think her prescription pills and the booze aren’t mixing right. I’d stay away from this one.

John McCain? I think we all know how I feel about this guy. He’s a little guy whose chubby daughter has to stick up for him. But it’s his wife I’m afraid of. Isn’t she the alien prostitute in Mars Attacks?  I want to make it clear, I do agree McCain was a war hero and that he was tortured. Apparently, they beat the height right out of him. He’s short. He’s a little guy is what I’m saying. I’ll do him a favor and let him stand on my wallet at the debates.

Joe Biden? I won’t make fun of the retarded. It’s a sin.

Bernie Sanders? He’s a nothing from a nothing state. My first treehouse had a higher GDP. I don’t understand, they ski and sell syrup and that’s it. This is his qualification? And he’s not even the governor. He’s a senator. He rolls out of bed with the hair and the dirty teeth and pushes a button, yay or nay. Whoopee. I’m happy the Jewish guy found a gig in the mountains, but I’m sure his mother was disappointed.

Scott Walker? Is it just me or does he seem sluggish? And he’s got that one eye that’s lazier than a Mexican. I don’t know if he’s looking at you, me or if he’s having a stroke. It’s off-putting. And I don’t trust a guy who doesn’t know how to maximize his hair and cover a bald spot. You think this guy can rebuild our infrastructure? He can’t comb his hair from one side of his head to the other. Not for me.

Who else you got?

53 Comments on Honest Don

  1. 25 million gubmint personal infos hacked. Remember that? They can all be blackmailed. (I wish it was Trump who had all that info, but it ain’t.) So think of what all these Dems & Rinos are thinking with that horror show lingering in the back of their lone stupid synapses. I hope it drives them all to suicide. On YouTube, please. We wanna watch.

  2. Stop! Stop! If you keep this up I’ll have to start wearing Depends. The jokes are hilarious and so close to the truth. What’s even more funnier, no one knows how to deal with this guy. Keep it rolling Trump!

  3. Next Marco Rubio. Talented young guy that can’t figure out if he’s an American or a Cuban. By the way Marco, rule number one is biz, read shit before you sign it. Your fired. Next

  4. Al Sharpton? Can you still become a reverend off a match book cover? They had to take the steeple off his church – it was getting hit by lightning so much. If you put money in this guy’s collection plate, you’re supporting organized crime.

  5. Nancy Pelosi? My son has stuffed hunting trophies that look more natural than her. The mortician is dreading her passing on – then they have to find out what’s inside her. When they took that big gavel away from her, she went to the fair and played whack a mole for a week, screaming Bush!!!

  6. I’ve been tied up for a couple days and this is the first thing I’ve read since then. That is damn funny!

  7. Michael Moore? I feel sorry for the guy – it’s not easy going through life looking like a lesbian truck driver. The biggest holocaust at Columbine was when he went to the bowling alley and cleaned out the candy counter. He hasn’t seen his carbon footprint in thirty years.

  8. Eric Holder? He’s still bitter about losing his bit part in Barney Miller. I’m amazed at how many creepy friends Obama has. Politicians make strange bedfellows, but enough about Reggie.

  9. AND then there’s Obama……………..
    Let me just say that I long for the day when we can look back at this era and say “Barack who?” in English.

  10. It’s settled; I want to have your baby. Holy Moses, the comments are as clever and funny (and extremely on-point) as the column. Thanks, everyone, for lifting my spirits today!

  11. “Hillary and Bill Clinton, along with their dog, Chelsea, are an organized crime family worthy of New York’s original five families. But unlike those five originals, the Clinton Crime family has no limits to what they’ll do. They will stoop to any new low to extort, cajole, extract or destroy – whichever happens to pay better. They’d steal flies from a blind spider. They not only take the towels, the soap and the light bulbs, they even steal the paint off the wall of their comp hotel rooms….”

  12. Like Rickles, Trump says what EVERYONE is thinking.

    His power comes from the nine-billion dollars in his wallet. That is essentially “fu*k-you money”. He doesn’t have to kiss ass on PACs, lobbyists, special interest groups, rich donors or anyone.

  13. Hilarious BigFurHat! Apparently, Trump thought so too as he just twittered out your phone number.

  14. I went to a political rally and it turned into a celebrity roast.

    Jeffrey Ross should have you on speed dial BFH.

  15. (in the voice of Donald Trump)
    John Kasich? Please. Are you kidding? Come on. He isn’t even interested in going after Hillary Clinton on Benghazi or her missing emails. And besides, who wants their president to look like Alfred E. Neuman? By the way, I have to ask the voters in Ohio, ‘what is your problem?’. You’ve got this Howdy Doody character Kasich for your governor, and you send this loser John Boehner to Washington to enable Obama to wreck the country in between crying jags and being smashed on scotch. They will never make America great again.

  16. And have you seen Obama’s wife? Yeah, she belongs on the cover of a magazine… Moose Breeder’s Quarterly! (badaboom)
    Look, when I want to see a beard I’ll watch Duck Dynasty, OK? Am I right? Huh?
    But, I’ll say this, she’s got everything a man could want… broad shoulders, hairy arms, and a flat solid chest. (rim shot!)

  17. “Jeb Bush? He’s the Rachel Dolezal of Mexicans. He wants to be Mexican so bad he mows his lawn 3 times a day.”

    ROTFLMAO

    Hilarious!

  18. Can you imagine all the congressmen who use that service? they must be shaking in their boots. Now we’ll know who the perverts are. Goober? Goober?

  19. You all are so funny. You are feeding off BFH original spiel. I keep coming back to this post to read the highlights of the original and to read your comments. This needs to be a sticky, at least until Trump runs out of anti-RINO material. That may be another 16 months.

  20. Michelle Obama? Oh, I’m sorry that’s the next election, until then, she’ll be fired shortly. Unfortunately, not soon enough.

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