Lindsey Graham? The guy’s a fag. You know it and I know it. My fish know it. But who cares? I don’t. But maybe he cares. The guy is gayer than a picnic basket but won’t admit it. That makes him a target for blackmail. Next.
Jeb Bush? He’s the Rachel Dolezal of Mexicans. He wants to be Mexican so bad he mows his lawn 3 times a day. When he passes gas it sounds like La Cucaracha. I agree, he should be president… of Mexico. Next.
Hillary Clinton? Is she finished with her menopause yet? I don’t think so. One minute she’s sitting around, depressed, sun glasses, wearing a winter coat on a plane. Next minute she’s got her bingo wings out and she’s laughing like a lunatic. I think her prescription pills and the booze aren’t mixing right. I’d stay away from this one.
John McCain? I think we all know how I feel about this guy. He’s a little guy whose chubby daughter has to stick up for him. But it’s his wife I’m afraid of. Isn’t she the alien prostitute in Mars Attacks? I want to make it clear, I do agree McCain was a war hero and that he was tortured. Apparently, they beat the height right out of him. He’s short. He’s a little guy is what I’m saying. I’ll do him a favor and let him stand on my wallet at the debates.
Joe Biden? I won’t make fun of the retarded. It’s a sin.
Bernie Sanders? He’s a nothing from a nothing state. My first treehouse had a higher GDP. I don’t understand, they ski and sell syrup and that’s it. This is his qualification? And he’s not even the governor. He’s a senator. He rolls out of bed with the hair and the dirty teeth and pushes a button, yay or nay. Whoopee. I’m happy the Jewish guy found a gig in the mountains, but I’m sure his mother was disappointed.
Scott Walker? Is it just me or does he seem sluggish? And he’s got that one eye that’s lazier than a Mexican. I don’t know if he’s looking at you, me or if he’s having a stroke. It’s off-putting. And I don’t trust a guy who doesn’t know how to maximize his hair and cover a bald spot. You think this guy can rebuild our infrastructure? He can’t comb his hair from one side of his head to the other. Not for me.
Who else you got?