The Missing Wife
Husband went to the Sheriff’s Department to report that his wife was missing.
Husband : My wife is missing. She went shopping yesterday and has not come home…
Sergeant: What is her height?
Husband: Gee, I’m not sure. A little over five-feet tall.
Sergeant: Weight?
Husband: Don’t know. Not slim, not really fat.
Sergeant: Color of eyes?
Husband: Sort of brown I think. Never really noticed.
Sergeant: Color of hair?
Husband: Changes a couple times a year. Maybe dark brown now. I can’t remember.
Sergeant: What was she wearing?
Husband: Could have been pants, or maybe a skirt or shorts. I don’t know exactly.
Sergeant: What kind of car did she go in?
Husband: She went in my truck.
Sergeant: What kind of truck was it?
Husband: A 2015 Ford F150 King Ranch 4X4 with eco-boost 5.0L V8 engine special ordered with manual transmission and climate controlled air conditioning. It has a custom matching white cover for the bed, which has a matching aftermarket bed liner. Custom leather 6-way seats and “Bubba” floor mats. Trailer package with gold hitch and special wiring hook-ups. DVD with full GPS navigation, satellite radio receiver, 21-channel CB radio, six cup holders, a USB port, and four power outlets. I added special alloy wheels and off-road Michelin’s. It has custom running boards and indirect wheel well lighting.
At this point the husband started choking up.
Sergeant : Don’t worry buddy. We’ll find your truck.
________
h/t MT
Pretty funny, but insensitive. Did you get this joke from Trump?
JFK told that joke at the Ted Kennedy Welcome Roast down here about six years ago.
I think Megyno Kelley’s hubby told it on Pornhub.
A man is in town on business and has to hold over until Monday. He decides he will attend a church. At the entrance, an usher tells him he must wear a tie to worship.
“What!! you’re kidding”, Nope. Gotta wear a tie.
He decides to sneak in a side door, but the same usher meets him there. “saw you trying to sneak in. Still gotta wear a tie”. ]
The man returns to his car dejected. He’s looking everywhere for something to use as a tie. T-shirt? Sock? Ah, jumper cables. That will work” he thinks.
He approached the front door and the usher spots him wearing jumper cables for a tie.
“well, i guess that will do, but you better not start anything”.
I see what you GYNO did there.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g-4-gLlF0uw
An Alabama preacher said to his congregation, “Someone in this congregation has spread a rumor that I belong to the Ku Klux Klan. This is a horrible lie and one which a Christian community cannot tolerate. I am embarrassed and do not intend to accept this. Now, I want the party who did this to stand and ask forgiveness from God and this Christian Family.”
No one moved. The preacher continued, “Do you have the nerve to face me and admit this is a falsehood? Remember, you will be forgiven and in your heart you will feel glory. Now stand and confess your transgression.” Again all was quiet.
Then slowly, a drop dead gorgeous blonde with a body that would stop traffic rose from the third pew. Her head was bowed and her voice quivered as she spoke, “Reverend there has been a terrible misunderstanding. I never said you were a member of the Ku Klux Klan. I simply told a couple of my friends that you were a wizard under the sheets.”
LOLOLOL
Husband and dog missing since Thursday.
$500 reward for return of dog.
John and Mary, husband and wife, were on the balcony gazing at the moon shining over the pines, and sipping wine. A most romantic setting.
You are the love of my life, said John.
Is that you or the wine speaking? said Mary
I was speaking to the wine, said John.
He is still in intensive care, seems he fell off the balcony.
A guy wakes up after a night of drinking at the bosses party. He asks his wife what happened last night. She says, “you got drunk and made a complete ass of yourself, really embarrassed your boss.”
Guy says, “ah, piss on him.”
Wife says, “you did, and he fired you.”
Guy says, “So what. Fuck him!”
Wife says, “I did. You can go back to work Monday.
So what was the punchline?
Guy on phone with credit card company – I guess I need to report that my wife’s credit card was stolen, but whoever stole it doesn’t spend as much as my wife
A handsome young prince once asked the beautiful princess in the next kingdom over to marry him. She refused, and he spent the rest of his life living happily hunting and fishing.