3 O’clock in the morning – IOTW Report

3 O’clock in the morning

It was three o’clock in the morning, and the receptionist at a posh hotel was just dozing off, when a little old lady came running towards her, screaming.

lady

“Please come quickly!” she yelled, “I just saw a naked man outside my window!”

The receptionist immediately rushed up to the old lady’s room.

“Where is he?” asked the receptionist.

“He’s over there,” replied the little old lady, pointing to an apartment building opposite the hotel.

The receptionist looked over and could see a man with no shirt on, moving around his apartment.

“It’s probably a man who’s getting ready to go to bed,” she said reassuringly. “And how do you know he’s naked, you can only see him from the waist up?”

“The dresser, honey!” screamed the old lady. “Try standing on the dresser!”

—–

h/t Jack

21 Comments on 3 O’clock in the morning

  1. After many years of marriage, Charlie and his wife were lying in bed, and suddenly his wife felt Charlie begin to massage her in ways he hadn’t done in quite some time.

    It almost tickled as his fingers started at her neck, and then began moving down past the small of her back . . . .He then caressed her shoulders and neck, slowly worked his hand down, stopping just over her stomach . . . .He then proceeded to place his hand on her left inner arm, working down her side, passing gently over her buttock and down her leg to her calf . . . .Then, he proceeded up her thigh, stopping just at the uppermost portion of her leg . . . .He continued in the same manner on her right side ….then suddenly stopped, rolled over and became silent . . . .As she had become quite aroused by this caressing, she asked in a loving voice….“Honey, that was wonderful ….Why did you stop?”

    To which Charlie responded, “I found the remote!”

  2. A couple in their late 80s decides to tie the knot. So they’re on their honeymoon and the woman says the her groom I’m going to slip into the bathroom to get into something a little bit more comfortable.

    When she reappears in the room she’s wearing nothing but a see-through diaphanous gown and says to her husband ” go easy on me, big boy… I’ve got acute angina”.

    “That’s a relief. Maybe it will make up for those saggy tits!”

  3. Bruce has applied to join the Sydney police force.

    The Sergeant doing the interview says : “Your qualifications all look good, but there is an attitude suitability test that you must take before you can be accepted.”

    Then, sliding a pistol across the desk with a few spare clips of ammo, he says “Take this pistol and go out and shoot six illegal immigrants, six drug dealers, six Muslim extremists, and a rabbit.”

    “Why the rabbit?”

    “Great attitude Bruce,” said the Sergeant. “When can you start ?

  4. Lol. In the early days,my hubby used to remark that someone could see me barely clothed if the drapes weren’t drawn. My reply was that if someone stood in the extremely awkward place in the apartment complex and looked up so that they could see me, that they deserved to…..

  5. A Zimbabwean couple are sitting in their hut, no food, no electricity, no water, no sewer. They are merely waiting for time to run out. Suddenly the lights come on and the water starts running.

    The husband shouts to his wife:
    “QUICK! … BRING ME MY AK47 …THE WHITES ARE BACK!!!”

  6. The Police Academy in Templemore, Co. Tipperary, Ireland recently graduated 50 new Gardai.

    Sean and Seamus became great friends during the grueling six months of training and hoped they would be assigned together

    The assignment officer, Sgt. Barney McGill was a fierce, but fair man and a devout Catholic. He judged men by their character. and general knowledge.

    Sean entered for his assignment:

    Who killed Jesus Christ? asked McGill

    Why, Pontius Pilate, the Roman Governor did , said Sean.

    Good lad said McGill. You’re assigned to traffic duty in Cork City.
    Now off with ya.

    Seamus entered next.

    Who killed Jesus Christ? asked McGill.

    Why, Sergeant, I’m not sure Sir, stammered Seamus.

    Not Sure? bellowed McGill, Not sure? Well here’s a pen and pad.
    I want you to go over to the library and don’t come back ’till you find out who did. Now off with ya.

    As Seamus was crossing the parade ground towards the Library,
    he ran into Sean.

    What’s up? said Seamus Aw fuck it, I’ve been assigned to traffic
    in Cork City, said Sean How about you?

    Ah boyo, no traffic for me. I’ve already been assigned to a murder investigation.

  7. An Italian, a Frenchman, and an American are discussing their sexual prowess
    The Italian: “When I am done making ze love to my mistress, I have a cigarette and watch her float six inches above the bed”
    The Frenchman: “When it is I who am finished with the act of Love, I enjoy a fine glass of wine, and watch my lover float two whole feet above the bed!”
    The American: “When I’m done ‘Payin’ the Rent’ to my Old Lady I wipe my dick on the curtains and she goes right through the roof”

  8. Just in…… Have you heard it?

    Playboy reportedly offered Sarah Palin $4 Million to
    pose nude in their next issue…

    Michelle Obama was offered 50 bucks from
    National Geographic…..

    And in other news…..

    We all remember the KFC “Hillary Meal”—
    two small breasts and two big thighs.

    Now, KFC has announced an addition to their chicken
    dinners. It’s called the “Obama Cabinet Bucket”.
    It consists of nothing but left wings and assholes.

  9. The elderly couple met and dated for a bit and finally tied the knot. Honeymoon might and the woman said she’d use the bathroom to slip into something more comfortable. She returned and he used the bathroom to get ready as well. When he came out he found his new bride against the wall standing on her head. “What are you doing?” He asked. She replied “in case you can’t get it up you can just drop it in”

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