Remember Mr. Bill, and Sluggo and Spot? Well, this is Mrs. Bill. We’re starting slow, just introducing the premise. Click into the post for Mrs. Bill #1.
If anyone wants to submit an idea (make it simple!!) send it on in with the subject line Mrs. Bill, and we’ll see if we can use it. You’ll get the writing credit.
Please make her walk into the tailrotor.
Mrs. Bill is leaving a totally scripted Down¹ hall campaign event and walks through the media lickspittles protected by her trademark moving rope line. Then she gets to a point where the character of the crowd subtly changes. They are still wearing the H-arrow T-shirts and wearing the “We’re Ready For Hillary” hats, but their eyes have a glint Mrs. Bill hasn’t seen before. The weird crowd uses pepper spray and stun guns and gets control of the rope. They start circling closer and closer, wrapping Mrs. Bill in a cocoon until she looks like a Pod Person.
I’ve got a few ideas for how that might end up, but I figure the artist will know best how to bring this climax to a satisfactory denouement.
1. Not a typo
Dang, some a$$ just phoned in the Joe Walsh show and said he was going to write in Crudz because the man said he was very conservative. Can we put all those idiots in a cartoon being spanked by helicopter rotters?
Or put them in a Photoshop with the “OH Lord, you Stupid.”
That should be “Oh Lawd, you stupid.”
Mr. Bill was always the victim of mayhem. How about Mrs. Bill meeting some nice muzzies that she really likes, giving them some cushy positions, and then getting dismembered by them?
Maybe Mrs. Bill somehow gets impaled on the White House fence. And squirms for hours.
Mrs. Bill n her way up the steps to Fem force One..and the door SLAMS Shut…. What? What was that? TRUMP Airlines?
Mrs. Bill Hosting her First Evah Fitna Dinner with all her little Saudi Friends and one of those Figs or Dates gets stuck in her throat…and the musics so loud..
Up now on Drudge: “DNC DIRT FILE ON HILLARY
HACKERS BREACH CLINTON FOUNDATION”
DNC Researched Clinton Speeches, Travel Records
Hacked internal documents are latest leaked by “Guccifer 2.0”
http://thesmokinggun.com/documents/crime/dnc-researched-clinton-speeches-travel-records-621985
When she discovers Huma’s a man.
Make her dodge sniper fire…poorly.
Mrs Bill gets convicted for her crimes. On the day of sentencing, the Judge directs her gaze to the Picture of the New President Mr. Trumpo, then reads the Sentence:
One spin of the ‘Wheel O’ Punishment’
On the wheel are the various punishments ranging from:
Slap on the wrist, to
Eaten by Hyenas
Mrs. Bill spins the wheel…
High drama ensues as the wheel slows down.. will it be…
One year in a cushy elite Prison?
Sold to the Muslims?
Cut off your own Pinky?
Two hundred hours Mentoring at risk youth?
Sewn in a sack with a bobcat?
Aaaaaaand its..
Medieval Punishments that rhyme with your name
“Bring out the Pillory”
“Oh Noooo”
It was a beautiful sunset in Benghazi. Mrs. Bill decided she’d go out for a stroll…
The arms should pull way out like “Stretch Armstrong” for Stiller’s “Walter Mitty”.
Mrs Bill loses the election.
At her concession speech her anger is such she reverts to her original form: a Giant Mantis!
She eats the heads of all the campaign staff and flies off to kill Mr. Trumpo.
She is met over Virginia by the entire might of the US Air Force. But using her alien powers, she converts the energy from the missiles into mass!
She begins to grow.
After stomping most of DC flat she is met on the lawn by the final brave line of Secret Service who prepare to suffer the same fate as the National Guard that lies in ruins on the street.
They are waved to the rear by Mr. Trumpo.
He loosens his tie, and takes of his suit coat and hands it to a young agent. He frowns up at his adversary
His gimlet eyes begin to glow the golden glow of righteous anger and he too begins to grow, and as he grows; he rolls up his sleeves.
As they reach parity the Mantis slashes with her mighty forelegs, and is deflected by the smart-metal tie, now a titanium sword, eighty feet long.
The battle is long.
They fight well into the night. On land, on sea, and in the air.
Finally Mr Trumpo plays his final card, showing the Mantis he is not without his own resources.
He grabs the high tension wires and converts the power in them into his own mass. He grows and grows until he is truly titanic.
The shoe that descends on Hilary is as big as a city block
How about Mrs. Bill goes out for some bowling to meet the voters. Mr. hand can help them with their equipment.
My thought immediately went to a 15 lb bowling ball being dropped on her by Mr. Hand. Then maybe she can be squished on the ball and sent down the lane, making a final appearance in the ball return smashed between two other balls.
Mr. Hand being a very small handed helper with an orange hue to the skin.
@ alltoomuch – that would have a happy ending, for someone. Not for Hill or Huma. Maybe Barry.
How about Mrs. Bill catches Mr. Bill with his intern, Ms. Slurpo, and takes a rolling pin to them both……..?
A Hillary Death Fantasy
A group of peace-loving Muslim extremists finds Hillary and Huma enjoying a spread of carpet entrees. Because Allah gives them no choice, they say they must throw both of them off the roof of a building. They lock them up overnight, then pray that Allah will guide them in finding a building entirely suitable to the task at hand.
When they go to mosque the following day, they hear a voice booming over their prayers. They think it’s Allah. It’s actually @greetingsfromyonkers–she of the voice so deep the choir director had her sing tenor and who is frequently called “Mr. Yonkers” over the phone–speaking via a megaphone from behind the mosque.
“Listen to me, you sniveling faggots. I am Allah, he othrt than whom there is no god. Follow my instructions and you will be redeemed with the company of 72 virgins in paradise, none of whom will have mustaches, I promise. Fail to follow my instructions and you’ll get a troupe of Rosie O’Donnell impersonators, who will ceaselessly nag you to go down on them when they’re on the rag.
There is only one building that is suited for this task. I want you take both these harridans–one an infidel, the other an outright apostate!–to the roof of 725 Fifth Avenue in that city oF infidel misguidance, New York. Then you are to push both of them off the roof to their doom–but, and this is of gravest import–only from the north side of the building.”
The Muslims ponder this. Finally Abdul asks Allah a question.
“Oh great and mighty Allah, other than whom there is no god, I fully understand the significance of choosing that particular building for the doom of these two pitiful excuses for women. But why the building’s north side, especially since Mecca, the center of our greatness and spiritual infallibility as a religion, is to the east of the building?”
“Because,” chortles the infidel poseur Yonkers, “Donald Trump’s office faces Central Park, and I want him to wave to Hillary and Huma on their way down.”
The ghost of Vince Foster comes back to haunt her nightly. For years she cannot sleep and must take uppers in the day to stay awake and downers at night in order to get at least a pitiful amount of sleep each night. Of course they are chased down with a fifth of gin per day.
Her health deteriorates until she cannot generate a coherent thought stream sufficient to maintain a press conference, moderate length platform speech or interview without it being carefully scripted and read off a teleprompter placed behind the head of the interviewer.
Wait a minute….that seems to be happening now.
Frame one: secret service greeting her and her foul mouth response.
Frame two: secret service looking the other way as jihadis climb the fence and swarm towards her in the rose garden.
Lazlo, that was anything but “simple” …but still hilarious.
Huma has her teeth replaced with surgical steel blades and give Mrs. Bill a clitorectomy. Mrs. Bill bleeds out and buzzards peck her eyes out.