The FDA has approved a new device that lets a person drain the contents of their stomach straight into the toilet. Basically, once the AspireAssist is installed, one merely opens a value 30 minutes after eating to watch all those calories flow right out.
The device is approved for people who can’t lose weight any other way.
Trial participants have recorded a 15 percent loss of body weight in a year.
So… This means I can eat more, right?
What they don’t have an app for that?
Only 15% weight loss in a year?
If some fatty weighs 350 he weighs 297 after a year of wasting food?
Hmmm, other than the disgust factor wouldn’t emptying your stomach contents then lead you to be hungry again sooner and hence eat more? So it follows you dump 30% of your calories at each meal and yet people are just losing 15% of their weight?! Because they are eating more?!
If your gonna be anorexic, do it the traditional and honorable way….PUKE IT UP!…
No shit?
Why not JUST NOT EAT.
They need to come up with a device that will grow will power. Like Jerry M. said, just quit stuffing your damn piehole, lard ass.
Just have them move to a food desert.
AspireAssist? Should have called it “The Beer Tap” – works pretty much the same way
FYI Willys, that is bulimia nervosa, not anorexia.
LBS, Really?…..I thought that was the hot Colombian on Modern Family….
Coming to you soon: “Aspire Assist Bag-It-Up” and send it to Venezuela. They’ll eat anything about now.
The goberment thinks this is a good idea…
Might as well dump it out.
It’s only EBT government cheese.
Plenty more where that came from.
Oh, sexy. Great birth control device.
“…you wanna fuck me WHERE?!”
Can I refry it and eat again like refried beans?
15% in one year? Really? One teaspoon of dishwashing detergent will get the same results in one weekend.
Medically assisted bulemia. No thanks. I’m happy with my gastric sleeve. 2 1/2 months out and down 50 lbs.
I ate handlebars a while back. Jaws wired shut and 7 root canals later after 6 months I went from 6’2″ 170 lbs to 125 lbs. I took on a liquid diet that comprised 8000 calories per day and still shredded the pounds (ensure, eggs, ice cream, protein drink..) Didn’t shit but once every other week. Put the fork down and pick up the straw there’s no gaining anything.
First world problems.
I mean seriously?
Fuck-N-A!
Here’s an idea! We implant a hose into your esophagus which diverts your food back to your plate, and you can spend all day just eating, eating, eating…
NO, just fookin NO.
FUCK THE FDA.
Barry used them to kill off parts of the medical device industry, what do they have to say when he jerks off Michael.
Modern version of the Roman vomitorium.
I knew the comments were going to be good but the one that got my attention was this one,
8,000 calories/day and no weight gain? In fact, a 45 pound weight loss? Whoa.
Guys that ride the Tour de France don’t even eat that much and they’re pedaling up mountains.
Also I sure don’t envy a mouthful of root canals all at one time. Yikes.
“This device is approved for people who can’t lose weight any other way.”
well,wouldn’t work for me – i don’t eat 1000 calories/day even on thanksgiving….here, let’s see if i can FIFY…..
“This device is approved for people who REFUSE to lose weight any other way.”