OLD IS… – IOTW Report

OLD IS…

Sunday, 26 June 2016, 12:54 BFH Uncategorized 85

‘OLD’ IS WHEN…

Your wife says, ‘Let’s go upstairs and make love,’ and you answer, ‘Pick one; I can’t do both!’

‘OLD’ IS WHEN…

Your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and you’re barefoot.

 

‘OLD’ IS WHEN…

Going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.

‘OLD’ IS WHEN…

People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.

 

 

 

‘OLD’ IS WHEN…

‘Getting lucky’ means you find your car in the parking lot.

‘OLD’ IS WHEN…

An ‘all nighter’ means not getting up to use the bathroom.

‘OLD’ IS WHEN…

It takes longer to rest than it did to get tired.

‘OLD’ IS WHEN…

Your knees buckle, and your belt won’t.

‘OLD’ IS WHEN…

You can’t remember the last time you lay on the floor to watch TV.

‘OLD’ IS WHEN…

In a hostage situation, you are likely to be released first.

‘OLD’ IS WHEN…

People call at 9:00 p.m. and ask, “Did I wake you?”

‘OLD’ IS WHEN…

 

Your turn.

 

 

 

 

85 Comments on OLD IS…

  11. Old is when (and this is true) the two words you don’t want to hear from your doctor are “age related”
    Also, as we age our metabolism gets slower – that’s okay – time speeds up to make up for it.

  20. All those old tv characters who looked so ancient when you watched as a kid, now when you watch the same shows you think about how nice and young some of them look.

  25. When your uncle was the first one in the family to buy a color TV.
    And only about 2 shows per week were in color.
    And the color sorta looked like you were looking through a kaleidoscope.

    izlamo delenda est …

  38. I went to a tavern last weekend for a casual get together of people in my high school class. The strange thing about the mind is you tend to remember people looking like they did the last time you saw them. It had been exactly 50 years since I’d seen any of them. Of course I’m the only one who looked the same.

  47. . . . when you’re playing in the WSOP Super Senior poker tournament and there’s a Depends concession stand in the lobby.

    (Not true, but I mentioned that and suggested Depends as a sponsor to the tournament director and he made a note of it for next year.)

  51. ‘OLD’ is when you get looked at like you’re a fossil by someone with multicolored hair and a pair of Doc Martins exactly like you had when this imp of Satan was jumping from ball to ball to escape bastardy

  52. C and P’d
    You know you’re getting old…

    1. You and your teeth don’t sleep together.

    2. Your try to straighten out the wrinkles in your socks and discover you aren’t wearing any.

    3. At the breakfast table you hear snap, crackle, pop and you’re not eating cereal.

    4. Your back goes out but you stay home.

    5. When you wake up looking like your driver’s license picture.

    6. It takes two tries to get up from the couch.

    7. When your idea of a night out is sitting on the patio.

    8. When happy hour is a nap.

    9. When you’re on vacation and your ENERGY runs out before your money does.

    10. When you say something to your kids that your mother said to You, and you always hated it.

    11. When all you want for your birthday is to not be reminded of your age.

    12. When you step off a curb and look down one more time to make sure the street is still there.

    13. Your idea of weight lifting is standing up.

    14. It takes longer to rest than it did to get tired.

    15. Your memory is shorter and your complaining lasts longer.

    16. Your address book has mostly names that start with Dr.

    17. You sit in a rocking chair and can’t get it going.

    18. The pharmacist has become your new best friend.

    19. Getting “lucky” means you found your car in the parking lot.

    20. The twinkle in your eye is merely a reflection from the sun on your bifocals.

    21. It takes twice as long – to look half as good.

    22. Everything hurts, and what doesn’t hurt – doesn’t work.

    23. You look for your glasses for half an hour and they were on your head the whole time.

    24. You sink your teeth into a steak and they stay there.

    25. You give up all your bad habits and still don’t feel good.

    26. You have more patience, but it is actually that you just don’t care anymore.

    27. You finally get your head together and your body starts falling apart.

    28. You wonder how you could be over the hill when you don’t even remember being on top of it.

  56. Rat Fink, I was working for TI when that came out. But I was on the 2500 line, not the SR!0. Later I had an HP41. I also had a Singer with Nixie tubes…who else remembers them?

    For what it’s worth I still have a second generation Macintosh in its original box along with an external drive and printer.

  61. Jim goes to the doctor and says ‘Doc, I’m concerned I’m getting old. What can I do to live longer?’
    Doc says ‘do you drink whiskey?’
    ‘Nope.’
    ‘Smoke cigars?’
    ‘Nope.’
    ‘Have sex?’
    ‘Nope.’
    ‘Then why the heck do you want to live longer?”

  63. Ah, slide rules! I still have my K&E mahogany one and my aluminum Pickett log-log duplex trig. My dad told me about slide rules when I was about five. The next day I showed him my paper strip adder slide rule, and the day after that he brought me a present: a 6″ K&E simplex.

    Old is when you spend fond moments thinking about your happy slide rule days!

  64. Old is when you realize youre next on the funereal list and your mourners will be only a few family members who might remember who you were.

  72. obamaplease – FYI – I rejuvenated SR-10 with a lithium battery.
    As you know it originally ran on 3 ni-cads or about 3.6V which a single lithium cell work fine as a replacement for with similar voltages and much longer lasting.
    And yes, I do remember Nixies. Had an old HP freq counter with them.
    Was the Singer a calibrated receiver?
    I also have a couple of slide rules right here in my hand from the early 70s that I stopped using when I go the SR-10. When Mxyzptlk remembers how to use ’em maybe he can teach me 🙂

  74. Old is having witnessed the coming and going of eight tracks, videocassette recorders, quadrophonic sound, laserdiscs, boomboxes, stereo/TV combo consoles, and duophonic (fake stereo) sound.

  75. @Rat Fink, I’ve still got a few rat finks and troll dolls. Wonder if they sell on eBay?

    Old is a rotary dial phone with a number that started Hudson-4.

    Old is pre-zip codes, not to mention, bar codes.

    Old is a 1/2 cent Franklin post card stamp.

    Old is a Barbie doll with the red Jackie Kennedy style swing coat, pill box hat and pearls.

    Old is when you remember going downtown to the Y for swimming lessons and had to wear a dress, Mary Jane’, a hat and gloves because it was DOWNTOWN.

    Old is empty orange juice cans for hair rollers, Dippity Doo, Hair tape, Breck Girls, flipped up hair.

    Old is go-go boots in 2 colors.

    Old is sheath dresses and stockings with the seam up the back. Are my seams straight???

    Old is not being able to watch Laugh-In because your parents were highly suspicious of cable TV.

    Old is no MTV.

    Old is thinking Pat Boone and Andy Williams were cool, watching Dick Clark, secretly loving Soul Train better than Clark.

    Old is It’s My Party and I’ll Cry If I Want To.

    Old is gray coochie hairs. That’s the day you want to resign and call it quits.

    Old is having worked high school summers at the lunch counter and soda fountain in Rose’s Dime Stores when the floor was wood and there were ceiling fans.

    Old is a large can of cat food was 10 cents, ground beef wasn’t much more, gas wars, penny candy.

    Old is when gay meant happy and carefree and queer meant something odd.

  77. @plutonium kid. Old is when you were in that business for most of that. Pre recorded audio cassettes once overtook vinyl sales in 1982. Vinyl went away but now it’s back pretty substantially.

  80. Old is remembering when How Much is that Doggie in the Window recorded by Patti Page was No. 1 on the Hit Parade.

    It was in 1953. I was four. I didn’t know it at the time, but that was about when Elvis Presley first started recording at Sun Studio in Memphis.

  82. OLD is knowing better.
    Old is being able to tell a lie from the truth
    Old is where we all end up
    Old is smarter, better and wiser
    Old is pushed off as old and irrelevant but is in fact
    the answer to all your questions.
    Don’t be FECKIN STUPID ask someone who knows.

  84. I still have a A.W. Faber-Castell German made slide rule in a nice wooden case and a Sterling Decimal Trig Log-Log.

    But let me tell you what old is …

    Old is calling your internet provider because the internet stops working (again, just last night) after a big lightning storm, even though you unplugged the phone line when the storm started, and they send a guy out who tells you you plugged the phone line into the wrong socket when you plugged it back in.
    Son of a monkey democrat, that’s embarrassing!

    Old is knowing how to make a crystal radio and remembering tuning in to your favorite station with one.

    Copper pennies and silver quarters. A buck was worth a buck. You could collect pop bottles and cash them in. I remember taking wagon loads to the corner store. Good to have all those memories.

    So many fantastic comments on this post!

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