Does it come in Bill of Rights taupe? That would be great for Obama.
Almost like using a poison ivy leaf after shatting in the woods.
Obobo will be trying to substitute that for his Tampoon.
@Deplorable and Irredeemable PJ
Showing the moon in the woods? Oh My!
Just when you thought things couldn’t get any rougher.
Next: artisanal condoms
Perspective, Yep. Once, on our way to Mt. St. Helen’s, I demanded to pull off the road and find some weeds for me. All of a sudden a military helicopter hovered over me and our car. Didn’t know we pulled into the outer peripheral of a military base. 🙂
Uncle Al, that would be sheep intestines, right?
A few years back, my wife went to visit family in her home country of Kazakhstan. I helped her unpack when she returned and I found a roll of brown crepe paper and asked her what it was. Turns out it was toilet paper. After thinking about it, I could see the advantage of the texture in trapping unwanted fecal matter so I tried it. I’m now a lifelong fan of the capitalistic wonders of Quilted Northern. ‘Merica!
Hilarious !!
They could probably actually sell that on the Left Coast.
I can picture Dan Aykroyd doing a spot for it on SNL.
“Now with pine needles.”
@D&I PJ – Yep. Keep ’em wet, cut off appropriate length, tie a knot in one end, and have a go!
EXTRA VIRGIN BIRCH for me!!!
(nice guitar soundtrack, though)
@Deplorable and Irredeemable PJ
Funny how nothing matters when you gotta go!
Hey, did you you surprise/shock your sister? I just had to ask.
Someone I know uses the cheapest, thinnest “Septic Tank Friendly” toilet paper. It feels like something Dunkin Donuts serves pastries on.
@Moxie Man, hehe. I have a friend that uses that stuff. I just pull off a huge wad to make up for the thin stuff! hehe
Perspective. No I haven’t yet. 🙂
“No I haven’t yet”
Well, you had me giggling my ass off. I’m walking around with no ass and waiting for a funny story lol.
You’re so funny. Thank You!
Moxie Man and Claudia. That thin, cheap stuff that’s safe for septic actually is safe for septic. For about 3 months, I used the “soft” paper, and when the septic cleaning guy came he asked DH how many females live here. Oops. That soft stuff doesn’t decompose in the tank.
Unfortunately, the cheap stuff hasn’t been perforating the sheets consistently. I buy the huge package and there were two unperforated rolls so far in the batch. Hope this isn’t going to be a trend.
@ D and I PJ – Phoenix airport has non-perforated TP. I’m some low level employee received a $1000 bonus to save the airport $80,000 salary of the Lead Perforator.
Perspective, 🙂 thank you. Will let you all know when I decide to freak her out. I have to time this right. She is 75 years old now. hee, hee, hee! Don’t want her passing out from fright even though she will know who did it. Noteworthy birthmarks never go away. Because of that though, maybe I don’t want Zuckerburg to be able to identify me. 🙂
Moxie Man. Poop! It’s probably going to become a trend. The only real benefit to unperforated TP would be to kids TP-ing or throwing rolls of TP at college football games at a touchdown. Did both, and a broken streamer of TP was irritating especially when one had a work of art going on someone’s trees.
I even drove the get-away car for my daughter and her friends for their first TP-ing adventure. They all loved their HS principal. Good guy, straight shooter. They got his house. He recognized my car, and phoned me later suggesting that I should let him know before we do it again so he can scare the heck out of them.
TP-in was a way of life in our community. The local LEOs were good with it. Kids had fun, no damage done, etc.
Up here in the far north Great Lakes we use corncobs and only recently have gone electric.
Ah, but nothing can compare with the Sears Catalog in my grandparents outhouse. As a child, I thought it was a hoot. My mother, growing up with it, didn’t find it nearly as neat.
Oh dear,
I was going to say something about using Maple leaves, but I wouldn’t want to offend our Canadian friends. But seeing photos of a lot of Canada, it looks like one might have to run a long way through a wheat field to find a tree of any kind anyway.
For those commenting on septic-friendly ultra-thin TP… This isn’t for everyone, but I use and recommend one of those Japanese high-tech bidet toilet seats. Adjustable temp (water and seat), adjustable water flow, built-in gentle warm air drier. It is the cleanest, most comfortable thing, and you will use a few squares of TP at most, just to “check” so to speak. The only down side is the whole process takes a bit longer. Take a newspaper, or your tablet to check iOTW!
Sears Catalogs! lol. Well, I’ve used butcher paper so I can’t laugh all that hard. 😀
If there was only some way to cycle the never Trumpers for toilet use, they would at least serve a legitimate purpose.
“If there was only some way to cycle the never Trumpers for toilet use, they would at least serve a legitimate purpose.”
Yup, kinda hard to roll them up. They’re already too wrapped up in themselves to fit on any roller.
Good luck trying to get somebody to pull those splinters out.
An old hunter explained how to wipe with a single sheet. Said he learned while in the military. You fold the sheet, and tear a small piece from the center of the folded edge. Now open, and you have a single sheet with a hole in the middle, and a tiny round piece.
Drop the single sheet over your least appreciated index finger. Take care of business. With the other hand, Pull the sheet up around your finger, and while squeezing from all sides, squeegee up over the finger. Now use the tiny round piece to clean under your fingernail.
This is probably what Cheryl Crow is doing…. 🙂
Uncle Al, I just read up on bidets, and they all say they are hygienic. If water hits ones posterior via the little sliding wand of the water delivery system, doesn’t the soiled water dripping from one’s posterior fall back on the sliding wand? Curious. How does that wand get cleaned?
I won’t use a hand held shower in a hotel because of that.
Does it come in Bill of Rights taupe? That would be great for Obama.
Almost like using a poison ivy leaf after shatting in the woods.
Obobo will be trying to substitute that for his Tampoon.
@Deplorable and Irredeemable PJ
Showing the moon in the woods? Oh My!
Just when you thought things couldn’t get any rougher.
Next: artisanal condoms
Perspective, Yep. Once, on our way to Mt. St. Helen’s, I demanded to pull off the road and find some weeds for me. All of a sudden a military helicopter hovered over me and our car. Didn’t know we pulled into the outer peripheral of a military base. 🙂
Uncle Al, that would be sheep intestines, right?
A few years back, my wife went to visit family in her home country of Kazakhstan. I helped her unpack when she returned and I found a roll of brown crepe paper and asked her what it was. Turns out it was toilet paper. After thinking about it, I could see the advantage of the texture in trapping unwanted fecal matter so I tried it. I’m now a lifelong fan of the capitalistic wonders of Quilted Northern. ‘Merica!
Hilarious !!
They could probably actually sell that on the Left Coast.
I can picture Dan Aykroyd doing a spot for it on SNL.
“Now with pine needles.”
@D&I PJ – Yep. Keep ’em wet, cut off appropriate length, tie a knot in one end, and have a go!
EXTRA VIRGIN BIRCH for me!!!
(nice guitar soundtrack, though)
@Deplorable and Irredeemable PJ
Funny how nothing matters when you gotta go!
Hey, did you you surprise/shock your sister? I just had to ask.
Someone I know uses the cheapest, thinnest “Septic Tank Friendly” toilet paper. It feels like something Dunkin Donuts serves pastries on.
@Moxie Man, hehe. I have a friend that uses that stuff. I just pull off a huge wad to make up for the thin stuff! hehe
Perspective. No I haven’t yet. 🙂
“No I haven’t yet”
Well, you had me giggling my ass off. I’m walking around with no ass and waiting for a funny story lol.
You’re so funny. Thank You!
Moxie Man and Claudia. That thin, cheap stuff that’s safe for septic actually is safe for septic. For about 3 months, I used the “soft” paper, and when the septic cleaning guy came he asked DH how many females live here. Oops. That soft stuff doesn’t decompose in the tank.
Unfortunately, the cheap stuff hasn’t been perforating the sheets consistently. I buy the huge package and there were two unperforated rolls so far in the batch. Hope this isn’t going to be a trend.
@ D and I PJ – Phoenix airport has non-perforated TP. I’m some low level employee received a $1000 bonus to save the airport $80,000 salary of the Lead Perforator.
Perspective, 🙂 thank you. Will let you all know when I decide to freak her out. I have to time this right. She is 75 years old now. hee, hee, hee! Don’t want her passing out from fright even though she will know who did it. Noteworthy birthmarks never go away. Because of that though, maybe I don’t want Zuckerburg to be able to identify me. 🙂
Moxie Man. Poop! It’s probably going to become a trend. The only real benefit to unperforated TP would be to kids TP-ing or throwing rolls of TP at college football games at a touchdown. Did both, and a broken streamer of TP was irritating especially when one had a work of art going on someone’s trees.
I even drove the get-away car for my daughter and her friends for their first TP-ing adventure. They all loved their HS principal. Good guy, straight shooter. They got his house. He recognized my car, and phoned me later suggesting that I should let him know before we do it again so he can scare the heck out of them.
TP-in was a way of life in our community. The local LEOs were good with it. Kids had fun, no damage done, etc.
Up here in the far north Great Lakes we use corncobs and only recently have gone electric.
Ah, but nothing can compare with the Sears Catalog in my grandparents outhouse. As a child, I thought it was a hoot. My mother, growing up with it, didn’t find it nearly as neat.
Oh dear,
I was going to say something about using Maple leaves, but I wouldn’t want to offend our Canadian friends. But seeing photos of a lot of Canada, it looks like one might have to run a long way through a wheat field to find a tree of any kind anyway.
For those commenting on septic-friendly ultra-thin TP…
This isn’t for everyone, but I use and recommend one of those Japanese high-tech bidet toilet seats. Adjustable temp (water and seat), adjustable water flow, built-in gentle warm air drier. It is the cleanest, most comfortable thing, and you will use a few squares of TP at most, just to “check” so to speak. The only down side is the whole process takes a bit longer. Take a newspaper, or your tablet to check iOTW!
Sears Catalogs! lol. Well, I’ve used butcher paper so I can’t laugh all that hard. 😀
If there was only some way to cycle the never Trumpers for toilet use, they would at least serve a legitimate purpose.
“If there was only some way to cycle the never Trumpers for toilet use, they would at least serve a legitimate purpose.”
Yup, kinda hard to roll them up. They’re already too wrapped up in themselves to fit on any roller.
Good luck trying to get somebody to pull those splinters out.
An old hunter explained how to wipe with a single sheet. Said he learned while in the military. You fold the sheet, and tear a small piece from the center of the folded edge. Now open, and you have a single sheet with a hole in the middle, and a tiny round piece.
Drop the single sheet over your least appreciated index finger. Take care of business. With the other hand, Pull the sheet up around your finger, and while squeezing from all sides, squeegee up over the finger. Now use the tiny round piece to clean under your fingernail.
This is probably what Cheryl Crow is doing…. 🙂
Uncle Al, I just read up on bidets, and they all say they are hygienic. If water hits ones posterior via the little sliding wand of the water delivery system, doesn’t the soiled water dripping from one’s posterior fall back on the sliding wand? Curious. How does that wand get cleaned?
I won’t use a hand held shower in a hotel because of that.