Thinking about starting a line of realistic welcome mats with things like ”Please don’t stay long!” or ”I hope you brought booze.” Any more suggestions?
– Jack.
50 Comments on Realistic Welcome Mats
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Come back with a warrant!
I found one for Bad Brad:
http://www.hayneedle.com/product/stillwannaknockindooroutdoordoormat.cfm?ltype=child&tid=HCI204-1
😉
A friend has one that says “Go Away”
Place Feet Firmly on mat to measure accurate weight.
The best part of having guests is watching them leave.
A nicely scripted “Fuck Off!”
Servants Entrance.
Please be discreet.
We don’t want any.
Trap Door Cover
Have one that says:
My other welcome mat doesn’t say anything
And another one:
I can’t talk
Don’t Turn Around
Friends Welcome!
Relatives by Appointment Only.
No Democrats
Pitbull Bait
You’re on my Doorstep Why?
Stand Here If You’re Stupid
COULDN’T YOU JUST TEXT US?
Stand Here Dummy
(brevity is the soul of wit and wish I could take the last one back)
Punchable Faces Only
Doorbells broke
Holler Ding Dong
Loud
annie Go Trump
Lye Deliveries Here
Drone Target (with an image of a target behind the text)
Wash When Finished
Moonwalk Here
@ Zonga Gave a “Go Away!” mat to a cantankerous BiL.
He loved it. It was his mat until he died a few years later.
One friend has: “Beware! Dog can’t hold his licker!”
WELCOME, INFIDEL!
(I KEEL YOU.)
If you are not expected, you are in danger.
No words on the mat.
Just have a fake lever on the wall with a sign under it: Pull for immediate response
Attach a round piece of metal to the porch ceiling right above the mat.
Then have red splatter radiating out from the mat with bloodless shoe prints in the middle.
Add security cams for youtube hits.
Beware of the Chihuahua
Quick, get inside…
Bosnian sniper fire spotted by Hillary
Alcoholic Sanctuary City
My sister had a bathroom mat that said wipe your ass
Go Away! Or Do I have to Speak to You in 12 Gauge?
Press 2 for Espanol
ICE notified gracias.
I just took your picture.
LET ME SHOW YOU
PICTURES OF MY
GRANDCHILDREN
Did you call first? If not, back away from the door.
THIS HOME PROTECTED
–BY CORAL SNAKES–
PLEASE TELL US IF THE
BELL STILL SHOCKS YOU
Made From 100% Pube Hairs
Correction:
Press 2 for espanol.
Then run like the wind.
I’m in the market for gnarly doormats. Census Bureau has me in their crosshairs since I’m not complying with American Community Survey. They’ve already badgered me by mail and phone. They’ll be door knocking soon.
They have no idea with whom they are fucking with.
@PHenry – How about a mat that says
IF YOU’RE FROM THE CENSUS
MY ANSWER IS “TWO”
That’s assuming there are two people in residence at your address. That is the only Constitutionally permissible question they can insist you answer.
I’ve never had the displeasure of a Census visit, but my fantasy is to answer the door and respond to any and all questions or comments with TWO and never say anything else. Or maybe just hold up two fingers the way the Brits do.
DUCK!
“Say Hello, Matt”….
” My brother’s being held captive in front of the tub”…
We had one that went away in hurricane force winds that said…
DOGS WELCOME
PEOPLE TOLERATED
One of my favorites:
Rottweiler can make it to your car in 36 seconds.
Can you?
DERKA DERKA!
@uncle al. The ACS is especially intrusive. Questions about income, education level, size of land, size of house, hot&cold running water? Bathtub? Shower? Fridge? Stove?desktop and/or laptop? Smartphone?internet access It just goes on and on. No fucking way I’m cooperating on this.
Gadsden flag “Don’t Tread on Me”