Moe Tom sent me a video, but the one I’m posting was a recommended link.
The version I told, when I was about 12, was with an Arab and a camel and an American tourist.
22 Comments on One of the first jokes I ever learned
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The version I heard of this joke was a Mexican dude.
Yeah, It coulda been a Congressman at work too. WTF!
When I was 12 we were getting fucked by carter and
the arabs.
Din’t know what a muzzie was……
Then Reagan blew their asses up.
A fellow walks into his doctor’s office, complaining that he thinks he
might have a tapeworm. The doctor makes a physical examination and
listens to the symptoms, and concurs with the self-diagnosis.
“I want you to come back tomorrow, to start treatment. And bring a
banana and a cookie with you” said the doctor.
Despite the seemingly odd request, our hero complies, and returns the
next day with a banana and a cookie. The doctor says “Okay, now drop
your pants and bend over. This is going to hurt a bit.”
Although leery about the turn of events, the patient drops his pants
and bends over. The doctor peels the banana and with one deft motion
rams it up the guy’s ass. While the doctor consults
his watch, our hero dances around the room shouting at the doctor.
“Okay, one minute is up, and we have to complete the second part of the
treatment if your truly want to get rid of this tapeworm” advises doc.
Despite the pain, the patient does want to be cured, so complies with
the order to bend over again. Again, the doctor takes the cookie and
rams it up the patients ass.
“Okay, tomorrow I want to see you here at the same time, and bring
another banana and a cookie” says the doctor. The now humbled patient,
with tears of pain in his eyes, nods his head.
Next day, the same routine ensues. First the doctor rams up a banana,
waits exactly one minute, then rams up a cookie.
And the next day, and the next day and the next!! Every day UP goes a
banana, wait one minute, then UP goes a cookie.
After one full week of treatments, the doctor finally says “Well,
tomorrow is the LAST day of treatments. I want you to bring in a
banana and a hammer.”
“Not a cookie?” asks the very frightened patient, trying to imagine what
a hammer was going to feel like. “Nope, a hammer” confirmed the
doctor.
The last day the doctor says “Okay, you know the routine”. So the man
drops his pants and bends over. UP goes the banana, and the doctor
looks at his watch and picks up the hammer. One minute passes. Then
two minutes. Three. Four minutes pass. Then a little head pokes out
the patient’s ass and says “WHERE’S MY FUCKING COOKIE!?!?”
Heard Kathy Griffin is directly responsible for London Bridge pranksters.
Then Bill somebody said it was just a joke.
…hmmm.
What’s that taste, Kathy?
A Gas Truck?
Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh…
The child was Nancy Pelosi. That’s how she talks.
I first heard this joke on a Cheech and Chong album.
Joke works with West Virginians, Spaniards, Mexicans, Czechs, and Albanians just as well.
Won’t work with Californians, Oregonians, Illinoisans, and Washingtonians cuz they’d be sucking the donkey’s cock (the Demonrats, of course, not the humans).
izlamo delenda est …
How do you describe a machine that, although there is nothing wrong with it, still refuses to work?
It’s on the “Fritz”
As a male child the kitchen was a very dangerous place to venture especially when cooking a holiday meal was in progress with several older Italian ladies in a confined space. You could easily get knocked out by a flailing hand or worse attacked with a large wooden spoon just for speaking!
Some of the first jokes I heard when I was in 2nd or 3rd grade were the usual kid jokes like, What did the mayonnaise say to the refrigerator? Close the door, I’m dressing. And since my Grandfather smoked pipe tobacco and rolled his own cigarettes, Do you have Prince Albert in a can? Well then, let him out. And other stupid jokes and lots of elephant jokes of which there are too many variations to tell them all. Just stupid jokes and old Mad magazines from the late 50’s and early 60’s were always full of good jokes and humor.
Some of the biggest jokes ever foisted upon us as little kids back in the late 50’s and early 60’s were played on us by adults who thought we could learn to read by reading Dick and Jane primers, what a bunch of hog wash. And the worst was the drills of what to do in case of a nuclear explosion back at the height of the Cold War where we pretended to hide under our desks to protect us in case the Russians nuked us. Yeah, like that might protect you for a microsecond before you’re vaporized by the nuclear blast. Even as kids we weren’t that stupid.
That’s a classic. I thought when you referred to the Arab, tourist and camel you were referring to this joke…
A tourist needs to cross the desert and rents a camel from an Arab. He starts his journey watering the camel and off they go. About half way the camel drops dead of dehydration.
The tourist staggers back to his origination, nearly dying himself, and confronts the Arab, telling him of his woes.
The Arab told the tourist that he needed to ‘brick’ the camel when he was drinking water. brick him?
Yes, take two bricks and smash his testicles and he’ll do a SSSSLLUUURRPP of water.
Doesn’t that hurt?
Not if You hold your thumbs out like this.
First joke I can remember still cracks me up. I probably heard it in 1st grade.
A little French boy who’s moved to the U.S. is struggling with the language in school. His teacher is sympathetic and takes him aside after class. She tells him, “You’re doing alright but it would really help if you could expand your English vocabulary. I want you to walk to some new places and gather some new American words. Report back to me tomorrow.”
The boy wanders around after school. His first stop stop is the local airport where he hears someone yell, “Take off!” Next, he strolls by the local zoo where he hears someone say, “Zebra!” Finally, a woman walks by pushing a stroller and he hears someone say, “baby!” Satisfied he’s got some great new words he heads home.
The next morning his teacher says to him, “So, have you expanded your vocabulary? What have you got?”
The boy, excitedly replies, “TAKE OFF ZE BRA, BABY!!!”
But mommy I don’t like daddy. Shut-up and eat what I give you.
geoff; I remember when saying the word ‘hell’ or “damn’ could get you in hot water. Look at what kids say today and all the vulgar jokes. But this vid is pretty good. I even showed it to my 93 yr old mother!
“Liberals are compassionate.”
Back in the old days of store service….little girl goes into the Pharmacy and asks the Pharmacist do you have cotton balls? He says….what do you take me for? A teddy bear?
I thought that was hilarious when a kid.
A black lady goes to her doctor to find out if she’s pregnant. The doctor tells her to get on the exam table and he’ll take a look. He then tells his nurse to bring him a banana and quickly inserts, then removes it. Congrats he says. She is shocked and asks how he could tell by that. There’s a bite missing!
Pbird that joke reminds me of the blonde that went up to the pharmacist to complain her deodarent wasn’t working. He said, try reading the directions. She said I did! LIFT UP TOP AND PUSH UP BOTTOM!
The deodarent STILL doesn’t work and my butt is sore!
😂🤣😂🤣
Daddy Man comes home from the hunting trip w/ fresh meat … the eleventeen kids are happy they’re getting something to eat besides corn mush & occasional possum.
Little Sally sez, “What is it Daddy?”
Daddy smiles & sez, “Well, I’ll give you a hint, it’s something Momma Woman always calls Daddy Man”
Little Sally yells, “Spit it out Jimmy …. it’s an ASSHOLE!!!!”
Sooooo … the negro family moved into the white neighborhood (first negro family to do so) and the children all turned out to play.
The little negro boy declares that he’s better than the little white boy.
Little white boy asks why he thinks that’s so.
Little negro boy declares that the white boy lives next to a nigger, but he lives next to a white family.
Yeah, an old joke – which some may consider offensive – oh well.