Let me tell you right now, this area of Florida I’m in right now has THE WORST DRIVERS in the continental U.S., bar none. I don’t care what other area you want to throw at me, unless you live in a demolition derby arena, spare me your counter claims.
Keep this in mind, I drove in New Jersey quite often. The term “Jersey drivers” is a compliment if you’re going to bring southern Florida into the arena.
First of all you have lotsa old people. They can’t drive. I’m sorry, they can’t. If every other faculty declines as you age, what makes you think driving gets better when you get old? It doesn’t. I realize many of these people are patriots and heroes, but having driven a tank in WWII is praiseworthy unless you insist on staying behind the wheel of your Lincoln McBuick at the age of 90. Please, for the love of Patton, hand your keys over to your 70 year-old son.
Secondly, there are people who seem to have brought their San Juan driving skills to the mainland. I won’t expound.
Thirdly, old people are rude drivers. They just blaze ahead, mostly because the Absorbine Jr. ain’t working and they can’t turn their necks. I recommend going to the Absorbine Sr.
This happened today.
I’m trying to make a right into a 3 lane boulevard from a stop sign. I have to turn into the middle lane because I am not making a right after my right. (A right hand turn brings you right onto I95.) What I am attempting to do is perfectly legal.
Traffic is waiting for the light to turn green. To my left, the traffic is another 250 feet backed up. Normally I would wait but it’s like a game of Frogger trying to get out because the right lane is constantly moving because of the right on red. It’s very difficult to get out of this place.
Looking straight ahead I see the side of a car, ahead of this car is nearly two car lengths of open space. The lady, if she has an ounce of brains, would move up, and if the person behind her isn’t a total jackass they would allow me to turn into the open slot.
Well, the lady refused to move up, so I took the turn an dove into the open slot ahead of her.
She HONKS AT ME. The light turns green (the one that is red for 4 minutes. What the hell is up with the length of the lights in Florida????) and we all start to move and she rides up close to my back bumper and I see her contorted dumbass face and she gives me the finger!!
I did nothing to effect her driving experience. I didn’t delay her. I didn’t prevent her from making the green light. I simply occupied the space she chose not to go into.
Making the long wide turn left she decides to tailgate me… so I brake check her on the turn. Now she goes wide right, cutting off the people behind her, and zooms up to yell at me. I roll the window down in rapt anticipation of what she could possibly say to me.
She yells, in some sort of ebonics, “yo cut in front of me’all,” or something like that.
I yelled back, “if you moved up I’d be behind you, you dumb bastard.”
She said nothing after that. But I said a lot, including that her handicap placard was obviously for her mental handicap.
Just as I said that, I saw two eyes peer out the back driver side window. This jerk had a girl of about 6 years-old in the car and was pulling these road maneuvers. All her audacity and self-righteousness was completely unfounded. The lady was simply being a jerk and manipulating circumstances in traffic just to screw over other drivers.
You’re a crunt, lady.
NOW, part 2. The very same place about 3 weeks ago. I was in the same exact predicament.
Traffic is now backed up about 1000 feet, maybe more. The side of the car I am now staring at is occupied by some old frig staring down at some sort of electronic device, his wife is in the passenger seat. Gray noodle hair doesn’t see that for some reason the traffic tightened up ahead of him and a gap appeared just in front of his car. He was totally asleep so I made the turn to get in front of him. In his peripheral vision he gets a glimpse of my bumper and awakens from his slumber with a “oh no you don’t” look on his face and quickly closes the gap to prevent me from getting in, leaving me sideways in the right lane with oncoming traffic.
I inched in as close as I could to the side of his car and leaned on the horn, screaming, “where are you going asshole, where are you going?” “That’s right dumbass, you are a dumb C8nt.” (I love using the c word on guys.) He had to sit there for over a minute, listening to my abuse.
This moron, like the last lady, would not benefit nor lose by simply being courteous. And their spiteful, shitty maneuver caused the people in the right lane to have to wait until the light turned green and the person behind noodle hair let me go.
For the record. The wife in the passenger seat yelled at her husband for being such a prick. I say this in case anyone wants to challenge me in the comments that what I was doing was too aggressive, or whatever. This guy’s loved one thought he was a dick.
I’m about done with Florida. Say what you want about New Yawkers, or New Jersey people. They are aggressive drivers, true, but they are not crabby and spiteful.
What is it, the heat?
Oh, Big Fur, I have to laugh. My Mom will be 93 in June (doesn’t drive thankfully) and is a pistol when some jackass pulls a stunt in traffic. She’s the one calling him/her/it an a-hole. Just Easter Sunday we went to a very popular and CROWDED buffet – she cut in line – with her cane – to get lox and a bagel. Sort of like the traffic concerns . . . LMAO!
I feel your pain Fur. When I go to the nearest city people coming from the surrounding rural-ish areas drive as if they are still on the turnrows in their fields. Always an adventure and requires defensive driving aganist the offensive drivers.
Don’t tell me you miss the Hasids of dear old Rockland?
LOL.
LMAO! Look. This is just my own opinion. I’ve been to a lot of places in the US. Several different countries as well. Hands down, Florida (Central and South. Don’t know about North) has the worst drivers AND traffic light system. Not only that, if there’s a problem with the lights, the traffic cops are fucking useless. They have no idea how to direct traffic. Also, drivers are rude to pedestrians, motorcyclists and bicyclists. And I am saying this having been in California traffic AND Tokyo Japan’s traffic. Florida’s problem isn’t just old people. It’s every age. They’re either scared shitless or angry as hell and both situations on the road at once is not good. Hate on me if you will, but I never saw shit like I saw in Florida. And I’ve been to the 3rd world. 😀
BFH, the problem with Florida is that it’s where all the dregs from all the other states end up because nobody wanted them (except the cops hunting fugitives) in the other states!
I lived in south Florida twice when I was younger and never met an actual native born Floridian.
The one little thing I would point out (as a Floridian of 40 years) is that most of the drivers are from somewhere besides Florida. The State gets all the bad press when the retirees and other ‘transplants’ come here and forget any modicum of rules, decency, and manners. I suffer like everyone else. But my biggest gripe is how certain groups (I know who you are!) put garbage bags on their cars and drive until they fall off, creating unbelievable litter. It chaps my hide to see roadways, usually near apartments, covered in trash. Grrrrr….
This is why surplus main battle tanks should be legal to drive.
Florida people, do you notice the high percentage of drivers who run red lights? LOL
I should feel guilty that your rant made me laugh. No. I don’t feel guilty.
Syracuse drivers are fine — except for the Asian SU students and the black women who live on the South Side who learned to drive from a how-to video. But the Asian SU students are the worst.
Jumpin’ Jehashaphat! Those people do not know what the red octagonal sign means. I never go through a 4-way stop if an Asian in a Honda is 30′ from the intersection. Because dollars to donuts he or she isn’t planning on stopping even if I’m in the middle of the intersection when they barrel through. Though, I have yet to scream, “This isn’t Shanghai, asshole!”
Time for Jimmy Buffett “The Asshole Song.”
Cool. I’m going to yell, “YOU CUNT!” to every male driver who honks at me or cuts me off.
Oh, wait. I drive a new Ford Raptor now. I traded in my Beetle. I haven’t been cut off since December. 🙂
Oh well, I’ll just yell “CUNT” for the helluvit.
Yeah, that’s another thing- there are tons of transplants in Florida from other states.
Same goes for Las Vegas. We tend to honk the horn a lot because everyone’s in a hurry, but our traffic lights are normal speed and no one is hitting pedestrians unless they are jaywalking drunk down town. LOL.
Hey, BFH… get out of God’s Waiting Room while you still can.
Try East Mesa, Az. Snowbirds galore in the winter. Blue hairs everywhere! It’s warming up and they are starting to migrate home, thank thank the lord!
Whew, I’m glad all we have to dodge for the most part up here in N. Idaho and Western Montana is deer and other large critters. And log trucks and chip trucks with drivers who drive like bats out of hell to meet their daily quota of loads hauled. And the occasional idiot who doesn’t know what the hell they’re doing driving on narrow 2 lane roads. And my Uncle from Southern Idaho who drives consistently about 25-30 mph under the speed limit, fortunately he doesn’t get out much anymore. He’s got more than one ticket for driving under the speed limit and creating a traffic hazard.
Dianny- LOL! The little Korean ladies are like that around Wilshire blvd in LA.
Not aggressive, just scared and overly careful slow drivers that end up blocking traffic. They have their dashboards full of doilies and tiny stuffed animals.
F.D.R. in Hell LOL! It’s all Del Boca Vista from Seinfeld. 😀
I forgot to add, Vegas drivers are probably more respectful of laws because there’s 1 cop for every 20 people because of tourism.
Saw a GINORMOUS 4×4 Dodge with at least 38″ tires Park in the
Handicap spot at Winn-Dixie in Big Pine Key Yesterday
It also had Handicap Plates…I waited around for 15 minutes
hoping to get a glimpse of the Person dismounting from this
Monster…To no avail…
(I love Big Trucks…but really?)
Yeah, I took the Florida’s driver license exam and failed because I scored 95 out of 100 on the test. The examiner told me to come back when I could get my score down into the 40s or 50s, and to bring a big car I didn’t really care about for the driving portion of the exam.
Southern Reality- The garbage on top of the cars and under the cars in parking lots is damn near universal. The only places I’ve seen a real crack down on that sort of BS was Japan and Greece. Granted, that was Greece 20 years ago. I have no idea what’s going on with the nasty ass muslim ‘refugees’.
MJA, that’s right; I saw that in the Boca Breeze.
Funny stuff. The last time I was driving in Florida was 17 years ago, But i have driven in most major US cities west of the Rocky Mountains and a few east as well. All of the things you and others noted here have happened to me as well. And it has gotten much, much worse over the last 20 years. There is almost no courtesy any more. That, coupled with damn near everyone fiddling with their cell phones, and the massive influx of third-world idiots, makes driving in ANY big (or even moderate-size)city an exhausting experience. What really ticks me off is when I honk the horn at some imbecile for making a dumb-ass move and she (more often then “he”) flips me off!
@MJA :
“I forgot to add, Vegas drivers are probably more respectful of laws because there’s 1 cop for every 20 people because of tourism.”
I respectfully disagree; LV drivers are among the worst. Probably because nearly all of them are from LA.
Tony R- LOL. There you go. Damn you LA!
The state is shaped like a penis. The hell were you expecting? Look, you obviously need to live in a more rural area, away from people … cars … roads … and caffeine.
I hear Texas is nice.
You coasty people are all weird.
Seriously though. Towns with tourism are hard to judge WHO is the problem. Assholes come and go. LOL.
You learn a lot about non-touristy towns by how the drivers treat pedestrians. Non- tourist Vegas/Henderson areas are okay here and there. Parts of LA is even okay here and there. Outside of Denver CO and where ever I was in Florida— That’s where I was almost run over in the crosswalks and a couple of times when a car cut across the grass on the curve in front of me.
South Florida is the 6th borough of NYC. I read somewhere that 30% of all NYC retirement checks are sent to South Florida.
And they vote like they drive.
Generally, Florida people are nice. Out side of their cars. Same goes for other cities I mentioned. Well except for North Hollywood, Van Nuys and Culver City CA. Y’all are assholes through and through.
Send your hate mail to upyourassandtotheleft@yomamamail.com
Los Angeles drivers. Ugh. I don’t miss them. Here in my neck of the woods in flyover country, when you want to move into another lane, you put on your blinker and often people will let you in. And then you are supposed to wave thank you. And then they wave you’re welcome back! It’s amazing.
Where do you think those people come from? The were Jersey drivers, then retired south.
I feel your pain. My 5 months in SoCal last year was a life-altering experience because of the drivers. I even came up with names for the different maneuvers I saw people do consistently while driving. Most bizarre driving habits (and pedestrian) I’ve ever seen.
MJA,
That’s exactly where I was most of the time. I described it to my family thus: There’s a real car culture in Southern California. It’s comprised of European cars and assholes.
You have obviously never been to Kansas.
I tip my hat to Florida for being the capital of crazy drivers, but Arizona isn’t that far behind nowadays. I would know because my own mother is one of the crazy drivers.
(Maybe it DOES have something to do with heat.)
“Secondly, there are people who seem to have brought their San Juan driving skills to the mainland”
Well out here in the Golden Shower state we have what we call UFA’s. Unidentified Flying Asians. They just vapor lock at strange times. Like 4 way stops. They panic and get charlie horses in their brains. To many decisions. Brake, Gas, Turn left or right. So their eyes get as big as dimes and they freeze and cruise right through the intersections. Sometimes.
Uh, no, San Juan driving skills are combat driving. They’ll make 4 lanes out of a 2 lane road to pass you and throw shit on the way by cussing the whole time. They will cut off the corners of stop signs and drive around them. Hell if I ever go to that shithole again.
Hemet, CA was the same. It was a retirement town before all the newly released felons swamped the place. One old geet had a license plate frame that said “Born in 1917 and still on the road!” This was in 2016. All I will say is he shouldn’t have been driving.
BFH – Blame it on the nosee’ums. They’ll drive a human crazy.
Other than normal driving foibles, we’re pretty sane out here. BUT, you do NOT want to get behind and follow a bull hauler that has an animal or two with scours.
There will be a brown mist on your windshield that your wipers wont clean.
Houston, Texas: “Hold my beer.”
😉
I defy any of you to drive in Houston for about a week. Let me know what you think when you’re done.
Just saw your post, Vietvet. So you know.
You know what pisses me off? People who are too lazy to use their turn signals.
Also, roadhogs who block the lane while stopped at a red light, blocking drivers wanting to make a right turn.
Not real fond of slow drivers in the fast lane or shitheads who go straight from the turn lane either.
Rot in Hell you thoughtless bastards.
You can add traffic circles to that list too.
“Roundabouts” my ass.
They don’t call it the land of the newly wed and the nearly dead fer nuthin, and whut ain’t transplanted has been drinkin swamp water for too many generations!
This thread is a pure hoot!
That said, am I being my usual dense self, or did Ann Thracts make a re-appearance?
Around these parts, if you’re from out of town, the cops will tell you to stop two lengths behind the car in front of you when waiting for the red light. This is so you have a way to escape the car-jacking that’ll happen to you.
My new company truck came with locking lug nuts on each wheel. Useless. Nobody’s going to steal the rims, they just take the whole truck. With you in it.
I gave thumbs up to everyone who recognized FL is comprised of a-hole drivers who’re a) snowbirds who have the luxury of spending the chilly months in FL and bring their obnoxious, rude, clueless behavior with them, b) lawless transients who choose the path of least resistance and land in a warm clime until their past catch up with them, and c) illegals who have no DL/Ins and cram 10 additional illegals in a 1997 Toyota Camry after having consumed 2 fifths tequila on a Friday afternoon.
The odds are against you if you have some place to be and want to arrive in one piece. I’ve lived in So Fla since 1983 and it’s progressively gotten worse, hence I’ve progressively migrated north in an attempt to outrun the crazy.
Best advice BFH, plan your day according and start a rickshaw business.
@ bigfurhat.
Most of these douchenozzles came from somewhere else. Mostly New York and New Jersey. They learned to drive somewhere else. Mostly New York or New Jersey. With some 3rd world Bahamian incompetence thrown in.
South Florida has the worst drivers in the USA. I’ve driven in all of the states, except Hawaii and Alaska. I ride a motorcycle in the greater FT. Lauderdale area. Going on 30 years. I know better than almost anyone. Guess what? 61% of them are from somewhere else. That’s just residents. No tourists involved.
General incompetence is rampant, cell phones provide an synergistic effect. Attitudes? Hostile driving? Mostly imported from elsewhere.
I remember Port Saint Lucie before (25+ years ago) every retired, disabled Northeast liberal moved there.
Hmmm. Strange things are going on. During 3-4 recent trips into Seattle, I noticed a marked improvement in people’s freeway driving. Maybe it’s just the springtime with an end of “low light level depression” which we suffer from out here (with endless clouds – don’t move here!). But I’ll take it!
“Looking straight ahead I see the side of a car, ahead of this car is nearly two car lengths of open space…”
We call that “the texter’s gap” around here. It’s how you can tell a texter from a drunk; they both weave erratically, but only the texter will leave a huge gap between himself and the car in front. They really hate it when you fill up their air bag with your car. I pull in the gap and slow down. Suddenly, they’re using a digit other than their thumbs.
People in Florida might have all day to spend on this shit, but in NY and NJ, we’re trying to get somewhere because we have to run the world.
We may be rude, but it’s just business.
In FL it’s a form of entertainment.
Sorry, but I laughed. I think drivers have gotten worse everywhere and not just old people. Heck, I had a cop pull out it in front me the other day on the highway. I barely missed him, thank goodness nobody was in the other lane. He was texting or scrolling on his phone and it’s supposed to be illegal here to text and drive.
Hey Mary Jane: One thing I will say about Las Vagans, they all sure as hell slow down in school zones. Must have some seriously medieval punishment for transgressors.
Hey, Mary Jane. What’s your game now and can any body play?
Aw shit, It was Carrie Ann. I guess I’m getting old.
https://youtu.be/uLcSXNtdqbE
There’s always North Dakota. All ya need is a good warm coat & a tolerance for cold. Which might be easier to develop than a tolerance for nutso drivers.
Never been there, but I hear land is cheap & there’s not much traffic. If you’re not obsessed with The Shining, you should be ok. : -/
@Jimmy Thank the heavens that the sun came out today! The clouds have seriously depressed the h*ll outta me lately.
My only complaint locally are the texting drifters, entitled slow pokes and now that is spring the spandex brigades will be out on the busy country roads again.
I happen to know that MJA loves The Hollies.
Nothing better than that old stuff.
@RosalindJ: GMTA. Happens to me all the time. Think nothing of it.
🙂
@Tony R: Pedophiles always drive slow in school zones.
😉
One of there best. Name that band and the tune.
https://youtu.be/rt6AyIYKAjs?t=267
@Bad_Brad: Marty Robbins – The Hanging Tree
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yHB8kp6Z7rE
Cheating the hangman.
🙂
Vietvet
We should be sitting beside each other right now enjoy a good cigar and some quality Bourbon. Marty Robbins Streets of Laredo. Dang what a classic. But as you know, this was the Doobies
I don’t care what anyone says, overweight, Asian wimmin should not be given a license to drive. Have you ever seen one that knows what they are doing?
@Bad_Brad: Of course, where do you think I got the line “Cheating the hangman”?
P.S – I don’t smoke cigars or anything else (all my friends who smoked are dead today) and I never cared for bourbon (sacrilege, I know), but I do drink other stuff (working on some Bacardi Black right now), so I’m not a teetotaler (don’t tell my doctor – he thinks I’m a saint).
Here’s a version of Streets of Laredo I like as much as – hell, maybe even better than – Marty Robbins’ version:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-cjAqvQBotM
🙂
Vietvet
I have a well stocked bar. We need to make it on a Friday. The only day I drink now. LOL.
Vietvet
Streets of Miami hilarious. I BFH listens to that.
Fur, you’re on the wrong side of the state. Come on over to the west side where the transplants are mid-westerners and are much more polite and attentive drivers. Our biggest problem is the speeders. Ten, fifteen, twenty over is something we see on a daily basis.
Snowbird season is nearly over and our population will drop exponentially which makes the driving even better.
Unfortunately, the traffic light timing is a statewide thing. Nothing is worse than catching a left turn light that just turned red. You might need a haircut before it turns green.
LOL. I get the San Juan reference. The one and only time our family have ever or will ever go to Puerto Rico we were on a tour and drove past the drivers’ test. They put two orange cones about 100 feet apart on the side of the road and if you can park between them you get your license.
I drive 200 or 300 hundred miles a day in central Florida and what a bunch whiners here! Anyways if you want less traffic in Florida you need to pick a more northern area of the state.
They drive like shit because they are transplants from the northern shit holes.