Puntifications by the Indian Hills Community Center in Colorado

56 Comments on Puntifications by the Indian Hills Community Center in Colorado

1. I used to plow those roads for the county (true)….it was a moving experience….

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2. I used to be indecisive now I’m not so sure.

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3. What I thought was a 12 step program turned out to be a two story building with no elevator

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4. I find these comments touching.
   Touch me again and I’ll black your eye.

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5. When did Steven Wright get into the sign business?

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6. Van’s Dive Bar Anchorage AK ~ “Whiskey won’t solve your problems but worth a shot”

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7. My family is full of surprises. I just recently discovered that I have two half brothers after an unfortunate table saw accident

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8. Victoria’s Secret appears to be having a big sale today…

   All their clothes are half off

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9. My therapist moonlights as a dry cleaners so I get all my repressed memories with extra starch

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10. I just finished reading a mystery novel so I don’t know how it ended

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11. Thanks for fucking up all my facebook post.

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12. One liner poets write in universe

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13. I know a crossed eyed tattoo artist that makes awesome 3-D tattoos

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14. I told my therapist so much about my mother that he doesn’t like her either

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15. My best friend really got in to wearing camouflage so much that I don’t see him anymore

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16. When attacking a group of Shriners, always use conventional weapons

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17. In a perfect world there’s no one with Obsessive Complusive Disorder

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18. VietVet said he lived in Texas?…maybe he moonlights in Indian Hills….

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19. Reading Miranda Rights to arrested mimes only encourages them

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20. How do people with OCD stand for a diagnosis that contains the word disorder?

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21. Then there was this dyslexic student that enrolled in a behavioral studies program and accidentally earned a degree in reverse psychology.

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22. When I get bored I put Red Bull in my humming bird feeder

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23. When I get really bored I give my pet chameleon LSD and watch his hallucinations….

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24. My friend the paleontologist has a fossil record collection

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25. Your day can never be bad enough to accept a group hug at Frotteurism Anonymous

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26. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

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27. There there wuz the one about the person who sent ten puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh.
    No pun in ten did.

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28. On a road-trip today. Stopped at a McDonalds for a bathroom break. Lady at the drive through window was hysterical

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29. Groucho Marxist is sure leaving a lot of laugh marx all over this pun thread. Keep it up, the more puns the better. Some of these are very punny. Did you hear about the pencil with no point, it was pointless. Are there any cannibal puns or have they all been cannnibalized by the humorless?

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30. A backward poet writes inverse.

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31. The sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: ‘Keep off the Grass.’

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32. I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island.
    It turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

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33. No matter how much you push the envelope,
    it’ll still be stationery.

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34. Bad puns are the biggest reason I read Pearls Before Swine everyday, especially Sundays. And in Stephen Pastis’s warped punny sense of humor Sundays have turned into Pundays.

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35. It only takes two flies to screw in a lightbulb.
    But don’t ask me how they got in there.

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36. They got in on the fly.

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37. I used to tell my kids whenever we passed a cemetery that people were dying to get in there.

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38. I have a friend that I swear I keep seeing momentarily… He’s an optical illusionist

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39. I recently completed treatment at a celebrity rehab center. It worked..
    I’m not famous anymore

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40. I know a guy who’s addicted to brake fluid.
    He sez he can stop any time.

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41. I changed the name of my iPod to Titanic.
    It’s syncing now.

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42. How does Moses make his tea?
    Hebrews it of course.

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43. I used to be the straight man in a gay comedy duo…

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44. We’re taking a class trip to the Coca-Cola factory tomorrow.
    I hope there isn’t a pop quiz!

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45. I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.

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46. I accidentally walked into a trope of street mimes when one fell right in front of me and I didn’t hear him.

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47. I stayed up all night to see where the sun went.
    Then it dawned on me…

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48. Did I ever mention that I have ADD…

    I meant to but I got distracted

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49. I once did a theatrical performance about puns.
    It wuz a play on words.

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50. That’s it!
    All of you, to the punitentiary!

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51. Time flies like an arrow….

    Fruit flies like bananas

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52. This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club.
    I swear I’ve never met herbivore.

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53. That looks like the work of Viet Vet! 😂

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54. I dropped out of communism class cuz of lousy Marx… Groucho.

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55. I thought I was wrong once, but I was mistaken.

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56. Had a falling out with my best friend in Mime school.. we haven’t spoken since

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