Grizzly Bear Shatters All Pro Wrestling Records After Identifying As Human (satire) – IOTW Report

Grizzly Bear Shatters All Pro Wrestling Records After Identifying As Human (satire)

STAMFORD, CT—The pro wrestling world was rocked last week when a new challenger arrived on the WWE circuit weighing in at 890 pounds, possessing 10-inch claws, and the strength to crush bones into gelatin. “He calls himself ‘the Grizzly’ and he is unlike any other wrestler anyone in the WWE has ever come up against,” said wrestler Seth Rollins from his hospital bed after a brief run-in with the massive opponent.

What makes the Grizzly so unique? He is a trans-grizzly bear; the man recently decided to identify as human after being born an Alaskan grizzly bear. Along with his new identity, he has embraced his dream of becoming a champion human pro wrestler.

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15 Comments on Grizzly Bear Shatters All Pro Wrestling Records After Identifying As Human (satire)

  1. I have a daughter that’s very athletic. My wife, her mother, swam on the Santa Clara swim team. At a young age she use to car pool with Mark Spitz. My daughter started swim team at 4 years old. As far as I know she still holds a couple records at the community swim team and in high school. She trained her ass off with Olympic dreams. She wasn’t good enough. We’re not talking about a years worth of practice to get to this level. We’re talking years invested. WTF? I really don’t get it.

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  2. How about:

    “Motorcycle identifying as human wins 100 dash against Usain Bolt!”
    “F-16 identifying as propeller plane beats Piper Cub in race!”
    “Lion Identifying As Housecat Beats Tabby In Fight To The Death”
    “Dementia Suffer Idenityfing as Non-Dementia Sufferer Repeatedly Outwits Barack Obama in Contest”
    “Bar Refaeli Identifying as Aging Asshole Wins Against Pelosi In Online Ballot for Hottest Senior Body”

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  3. Rule of thumb:

    If a bear can get your head fully in his mouth….you’re done.

    If one was chasing me in the water…people would see me as the Second Coming. I’d be walking/running on TOP of the water.

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