The Pro-Life movement conducts a “40 Days for Life” prayer vigil periodically. I scan Twitter for their messages to retweet and found this very moving article. I had mixed emotions when I started reading his letter. I wanted to stay angry with him for what he did, but we are encouraged to have love for women when they see the light and regret the killing of their babies. So, why was I reluctant to do the same for this man? I kept reading and by the last paragraph, I needed a tissue.
Aleteia – Paolo Antônio Briguet is a Brazilian journalist who, more than two dozen years ago, convinced his wife to overcome her doubts and abort their unborn child. Today, nearly three decades later, he profoundly regrets that decision. On March 16, which would have been his son’s 27th birthday, he wrote an open letter on Facebook to his aborted son. We want to share the text with you (slightly abridged), because it opens a window on the suffering soul of a father wounded by what seemed like a convenient decision at the time, but which he now recognizes as a terrible mistake.
Dear Son,
Today, you would be turning 27 years old, if I had allowed you to be born. Each day is born, flowers are born, the morning star is born […] but you were not born, through my fault, my most grievous fault.
Your mother, who today lives in far-off lands, really hesitated. A doctor that we knew tried to dissuade us from that fateful idea—now I see clearly he was an angel of God—but we refused to be moved. I even got angry at that friend, for saying “no” to the crime that I was about to commit. Oh, how I would like to go back in time and say to him, “Thank you, doctor! Thank you! You are going to be this baby’s godfather.”
But time machines don’t exist; they aren’t part of the structure of our reality. The only way we have to travel in time […] is our own soul. In those days, however, I didn’t believe in the existence of the soul. I was crazy, crazy with egoism and vanity.
You were just waiting to see the light, my son; however, what came was darkness. I denied you the morning, the afternoon, the night, the dawn, water, heat, cold, books, symphonies, poems, friendship, the bridge in our city, the smell of rain falling on the earth, lullabies, bread and wine. I denied you smiles and tears. I denied you eyes, hands, a heart. I denied you the right to cry out in the darkness, “Mom!” I denied you the right to be born. The only thing I didn’t deny you, was that which I could not: The Passion of the Resurrection. That already belonged to you.
If only I had known. If only I had known that it hurts. If only I had known that it hurts so much, son. I was your Herod.
A guy was visiting my home and noticed a DVD of Gosnell movie sitting on the end table. It had come in the mail and I had set it there and forgot about about it for a couple days. He mentioned it and I said: I get gratuities for making donations and never use the stuff, but I am planning to watch this DVD. I think I donated money when they were making the movie, I don’t remember them offering the DVD. It just showed up.
So that lead into a long discussion. His wife counsels post abortion women and it has become practically a full time endeavor now. He was telling me how screwed up they are and how his wife is trying to keep up. She volunteers a couple nights/week and he says that instead of seeing less of this emotional damage as a result of “the stigma” going away… you guessed it they are seeing more and more cases of women who are severely emotionally damaged as a result of having abortion.
He came by to get help with a rifle trigger that was giving him some problems. I knew that his wife was tied up doing volunteer work on Monday and Wednesday until ~11:00 PM. But never knew the nature of what she did.
Twenty-eight years ago my wife suffered a miscarriage with our first child at 12 weeks. Even twenty-eight years later I still have sorrowful thoughts about my child that never had the opportunity at life. I pray that someday we may meet in heaven. I don’t know if this guy will get such an opportunity being he was the reason for his own child’s death.
That’s a tough one to read.
There will probably be others lurking but not wanting to say anything, and those commenting about miscarriages, abortion regrets and losing a child. I just want to say my condolences and give you my sympathies. Also, whatever you went through, don’t beat yourself up.
That’s all I have to say.
72 years ago, a 15 year old woman was raped by her step-father. (no, nothing was ever done to him) Rather than have an abortion (I don’t know how common these were at the time) she found her way to the Maple Knoll Home for the Friendless (don’t you love the name?) and gave the baby up for adoption to a “barren” relative – somewhat of a step sister, as her rapist was also this woman’s father. The baby was ME! It wasn’t until last year, when I had to get a “real” birth certificate so I could get a passport that I found out who my birth father was (I had been told who my birth mother was, although I never met her) and also found out that my birth mother had named me, which my adoptive mother immediately changed. I’m glad, because I sure didn’t want to be known as “The Bastard Danny Ward”. All of these people are now dead, but I was told that my birth mother went on to have a normal life, marry and have two daughters. I never met any of these people.
We only had sons, but I always wanted a daughter, also.
So many people are doing such a lousy job of raising their daughters to be real women.
Thanks, Claudia.
@Jethro
I am so sorry that you and your wife experienced the loss of your first child.
If the author of the letter, Paolo Antônio Briguet, asks God to forgive him for the death of his child, God will forgive. God also forgives all the women who choose abortion if they repent. That’s why God’s Son, Jesus, came into the world and died. He provides the sacrifice for all sins. Whoever calls upon the name of the Lord will be forgiven and saved. God desires that we all come to repentance.
This thread has more readers than respondents because most of us have personal experiences that we now realize are shameful. Just a procedure. But in our hearts we knew it was wrong. But we buried the memory.
And now it overwhelms all of the good we’ve done as penance.
I happened to hear Loggins & Messina’s “Danny’s Song” the other night. I burst into tears about my acqiesence.
An unforgivable sin that haunts me to this day.
Jethro, I had an older brother I never knew. Mom miscarried but I never knew until I was much older. Both my older sister and I always wanted an older brother and when we learned what happened, we knew why.
Mr. Mxyzptlk, thank God your birth mother loved you enough to give you your life. And that your mother loved you enough to give you a home … and a new name.
Jimmy, I know what you mean. Both my brothers chose women who turned out to be selfish you-know-what’s. Not that my brothers are perfect! I have so many women friends who would be such wonderful wives, but are not the trophy wives that many men want. Not generalizing because I know some pretty terrific men who only see the beauty on the inside, but they are pretty rare.
PHenry, I can relate. Buried memories hurt even when we are silent, but God does forgive.
MJA, thank you.
If up to it, try joining Ecumenical groups who pray the Rosary outside Planned Parenthood abortuaries. Most young girls leaving are emotional wrecks. They know what they did was wrong. They appear to already have regrets for having their innocent babies executed.
Dear Dad;
Just think, now 25 years later you could have seen me, made me comfortable, and then garroted me in your strange world.
But, there are no fences here, and one day I will see you again.
Jr.
Read the rest here
No, the above letter was enough for me, it was sad, I don’t know what I would say to the author of the letter other than you can’t take it back.
Lazlo the younger could be 42 this year.
I was way too young, too stupid to know the gravity, and the decision was taken out of my hands. Her family moved soon after.
But..
I saw her a year later from a distance. She was carrying a wee one. But she was in a crowd of her friends. They all had several babies. My mates hauled me off before I could make an ass of myself.
I hope you’re out there young Lazlo.
There is no sin so great that God won’t forgive if you repent. Forgiving yourself is considerably harder.
Every year my youngest sister experiences deep sorrow for the decision she made 35 years ago where she ended the life of the only child she would ever have. We let her know that Jesus has forgiven her, because she asked for forgiveness, but the scars and the pain still remain.
Youngest of ten, my mom may she RIP, miscarried twice, once AFTER me.
The honesty here, is here, to hear for real…
May god bless that letter writer and the millions of others.
Ghost
Forgiving ourselves is vital for a healthy relationship with Jesus.
I quote what I read in a book once: “Jesus says “I forgive you for being a child of man. You must forgive yourself for having once being a child.””
We are all children. I am more of an adult today than yesterday, and I aspire to be more of an adult tomorrow than today.