Worst Songs of All-Time – IOTW Report

Worst Songs of All-Time

Sunday, 21 March 2021, 16:59 BFH Uncategorized 130

PHenry sent this to me –

Worst baseball song of all time?

Paul Simon.  Night Game.   What was the point?

I don’t usually disagree with PHenry.

I never heard this song before. I listened. I gotta say, it’s not that bad. I haven’t pondered its relationship, though, to it being a baseball song and weighing it against others.

But it got me thinking. What are the worst songs?

For a love song, I have to say “I am happy to be stuck with you” is a song I not only dislike, but it’s a stupid turn of phrase.

Weighed against this line in Wichita Lineman – … And I need you more than want you… And I want you for all time – Huey Lewis’s sentiment is horrendous.

So, vent about songs that simply irk you.

(And, PHenry, give that song another shot without thinking it’s a baseball message. Maybe it’s a metaphor.

Thanks for the inspiration, nonetheless.)

130 Comments on Worst Songs of All-Time

  1. i like the song Satisfaction by the Stones, but i get hung up on the grammar of “I can’t get no satisfaction,” I hear that as “cannot get no.” Since that’s a double negative, is Jagger saying he’s fully satisfied? i dunno, ya know?

    13

  8. Thin Lizzy. Jailbreak.

    Tonight there’s gonna be a Jailbreak. Somewhere in this town.

    I am no law enforcement professional. But I am guessing jailbreaks occur at The Jail.

    Chicago. Does anybody know what time it is? A guy walks up to an individual wearing a watch, thereby signifying that he is familiar with the concept of time keeping. And provides a philosophical response to the inquirer. Look buddy. I simply asked what time it was. Don’t soapbox me, bitch. Never mind.

    13

  10. The song I hated as a kid that got too much airtime was something about a brand new pair of roller skates and a key. Don’t know who sang it or why but that one always stood out to me.

    14

  15. Totally a baseball song.

    I have Spotifyed lots of albums from my early youth this weekend after pulling hundreds of pounds of weeds and replanting the strawberry beds.

    Elton John Tumblweed Connection and Madman Across the Water. Both are excellent. Nilsson Schmilson and Son of Schmilsson.
    Dude was amazing and his vocal range was 3 and a half octaves.
    I got lost in the weeds. Which is just what I needed at this time.

    2

  17. Different Tim, that was sung by a gal named Melanie, the song was called brand New Key and yes it is annoying because it got way too much air time. Just like Harper Valley PTA by Jeanie C Riley which I swear was played at least every 10 minutes or so on Top 40 stations. I still hate Top 40 stations to this day. Muskrat Move could be used instead of waterboarding as a form of torture for terrorists.

    4

  19. Those are all good choices for bad songs. But my choice for a song that was like scratching a chalkboard is American Pie.i can still picture the hippie chicks in high school walking through the halls in groups of 10 or more singing that damn song.

    12

  22. We Built This City — hard to beat that song as worst of all-time.

    Watching Scotty Grow is rivaled by his own song Honey.

    Brand New Key is cloying and shrill, and so is Melanie’s Lay Down – shrill.

    Bad grammar is bothersome in lyrics.
    “But if this ever changin’ world in which we live in” comes to mind.

    Muskrat Love was originally by America, and it’s equally horrendous.

    10

  32. Ever heard Mad River or Ultimate Spinach?
    Earth Opera?
    Jam Factory?
    Hamilton, Joe Frank, and Reynolds?

    Plenty of crappy noise out there. And to tell the truth, they may all be better than I remember.

    izlamo delenda est …

    3

  52. …Eddie Van Halen, R.I.P, was given SO much talent as a guitarist that the good Lord evidently felt it would be unfair for him to be able to sing, too, but he blew right past THAT stop sign and, we’ll, if you want to hear an impression of Roger Waters with bronchitis as done by Christian Bales’ Batman, this is the song for you…

    https://youtu.be/K07gLBVeLR4

    3

  56. geoff the aardvark
    MARCH 21, 2021 AT 6:50 PM
    “SNS, that was almost worse than listening to Barney the purple idiot dinosaur singing. That indeed was a stinkeroo.”

    …well, since you had to remind me of Barney and because you said you don’t like “My Dingaling” type songs, let me present to you the modern version of dingaling singing with a BAD LANGUAGE WARNING…

    https://youtu.be/UqEqIbP6_d0

  58. The Yodeling Song by Focus

    It starts off with the shittiest guitar riff ever and then some dumbf#ck starts yodeling for no discernable reason and then finishes on a eardrum splitting high note

    6

  64. @Tim.

    Totally forgot about Elton John 11-17-70.

    Guess what I will be listening to after dinner.

    Thank you.

    Maybe after that some James Gang Live at Carnegie Hall. 1970.

    3

  68. Slow Ride by Fog Hat get a permanently ban for performer online or on the air when ever it’s played. They just played the hell out of that song, same with Crocodile Rock. I’m sure there are people who enjoy either one, but the first drives me to distraction the second is a minor annoyance.

    Dave Barry did a whole book on most hated songs. There were enough to do chapters by genre. A funny read if there are songs you really, really hate.

    2

  69. Oh!
    And “Dream Weaver” by Gary Wright.

    High creep factor for me with this song too. Maybe it’s the hippy dippy drug dream fantasy feeling it has but I hate this song too.

    4

  70. I’m glad geoff mentioned Slim Whitman. I ran across the worst song ever by accident: The Tennessee Yodel Polka. The only thing that could possibly be worse is Vietnamese karaoke or something by Yoko Ono.

    3

  74. Elusive Butterfly sucked than and it still sucks now. It was a real puker. And you’ve never lived until you’ve heard Flipino’s singing American pop and rock songs in a bar in Olongapo City in the Philippines in the mid 70’s. They did do a mean version of Smoke On The Water as well as Ring Of fire by Johnny Cash.

    3

  81. Nearly through 11-17-70.
    That there is a rockin album.

    Katherine Limbaugh is supposed to be on Rush tomorrow. Elton John played there wedding. Can anybody call and sweet talk her into releasing that audio?

    1

  83. Marshall Tucker

    Can’t you see what that woman’s been doin’ to me.

    Why yes we can, you lame-a** p***y. Man up and stop whining like a little b****h. She ain’t worth a good man, so stop it and grow up.

    2

  86. Diogenes Sarcastica
    MARCH 21, 2021 AT 8:37 PM
    “If I hear “Freebird” one more time I’m gonna punch somebody in the throat!”

    “WHAT SONG IS IT YOU WANNA *GAAA CHOKE RAGGH COF COF!”

    1

  87. Revolution #9, there’s not enough weed ever grown to make me listen to that again.
    Anything else by Yoko O(God)no, there’s not enough heroin ever made to let me listen to any of that crap.

    4

  88. My late friend used to be in charge of the Navy Show Band in Naples Italy back in time he 80s and they did Frank Sinatra and Duke Ellington big band stuff.

    I irritated him to no end when I would shout out FREE BIRD between songs.

    3

  90. Can’t believe this hasn’t been mentioned yet. ANYTHING rap. Of course, technically it’s not music, It’s chanting to a beat.

    PHenry – Blinded by the Light was Manfred Mann’s Earth Band. And the “douche” lyric was one of those urban myth mistaken lyrics. Kind of like Louie Louie – every night at ten I f*** her again.

    Dadof4 – I strongly disagree with you on Marshall Tucker Band. Maybe you don’t like “Can’t You See”, but they were a category of music all to themselves. Country, rock, blues and a little jazz. How many bands have a fiddle player (Charlie Daniels’ guest appearances) and a flute and saxophone player in the band. Listen to “24 Hours At A Time” from the Where We All Belong album – LOUD. It’ll put a smile on you face and a kick in your pants.

    5

  91. Dadof4
    MARCH 21, 2021 AT 8:32 PM
    “Marshall Tucker

    Can’t you see what that woman’s been doin’ to me.”

    …funniest use of this song was in a “Gatlinburg” commercial pushing trips to the Smokies…seems no one knew about the lyric “Gonna Find a Mountain…The Highest Mountain…And Jump Off…Nobody Gonna Know”…

    https://youtu.be/boghhOu_urA

  93. Did we say When Billy Joe McAlister jumped off the Tallahatchie Bridge? I think it was made into a movie too and I think saw it at the drive in

    Some really hated Henry the 8th I am but I always liked that one a lot.

    2

  96. Burr, living god with feet of clay
    MARCH 21, 2021 AT 6:35 PM
    “Worship leader warming up with smoke on the water….

    Look man, there are no Unitarians in Heaven.”

    …wait, this might work…

    “We all went down to Jordan,
    On the Is-a-railey coastline,

    To dip sinners in the waters,
    We didn’t have much time,

    Well John the Baptist was a dunking,
    When Jesus got dipped on his knees,

    And that’s when the Lord Jehova,
    Said “This is my beloved Son, in whom I am well pleased.”.

    Heal…Ling in the wa….ter,
    Salvation in this Guy…”

    2

  100. wow, you guys are going for the juggler!!! Boy you really hate these songs!!! @BAR, I meant Ghost at a Styx concert so it goes with out saying we tolerate their songs. And @You Know What I Mean – The Escape song is fun. Ghost and I have our laugh with this one “wink, wink”

    You guys are tough!

    PS Ghost posted anything by REO but it never showed up. I like them LOL!

    God Bless us all!

    3

  104. Oh. I think we drifted off topic a bit. This was supposed to be about baseball songs.

    None of them are any god except take me out to the ballpark.

    Also, I lodged a formal complaint against R.E.M. but that comment never went through.

    3

  106. PHenry
    MARCH 21, 2021 AT 8:51 PM

    “I irritated him to no end when I would shout out FREE BIRD between songs.”

    …so YOU’RE “That Guy”…

    1

  107. Burr, Gods happy cherub
    MARCH 21, 2021 AT 9:41 PM
    “Hellbound. Supes. Hellbound.

    Wall to wall Unitarians.”

    …I kind of liked a P.J. O’Rouke definition that most of the (Pre-Islam) United States congregations were vaguely churched Latitudinarians…

    1

  108. Burr, wordpress nemesis
    MARCH 21, 2021 AT 9:48 PM
    “Oh. I think we drifted off topic a bit.”

    NAAAH, that never happens here!

    “This was supposed to be about baseball songs.”

    …in a world where baseball’s politicized too, who cares?

    “None of them are any god except take me out to the ballpark.”

    …you worship “take me out to the ballpark”? You DO say it’s the EXCEPTION to “not being any god”…

    …and you call ME hellbound…tsk, tsk…

    1

  109. I like REO Shitwagon.

    The only shit I snap the volume knob off so hard I break it off is Queen. And Meatloaf.

    And Bruce Spunksniffer. And John Cougar Melonballs. And fucking Busted his flipflop in Margaritaville… THAT dickhead….

    I could think of some more, but I busted off my volume knob.

    3

  110. Mary Hatch
    MARCH 21, 2021 AT 9:42 PM
    “@BAR, I meant Ghost at a Styx concert so it goes with out saying we tolerate their songs.”

    …PLEASE tell me he didn’t win you over with a drunken rendition of “Lady” or “Babe” later, I’d never be able to look at either one of your posts without laughing again…

  111. Any screeching by Yoko Ono.

    Was it Donovan who did ‘Mellow Yellow’? Made my ears bleed at a very young age.

    @Uncle Al – All I want For Christmas Is A Hippopotamus Or All I want For Christmas Is My 2 Front Teeth

    Bobby Goldsboro and John Denver – putrid pestilence

    Drop Kick Me Jesus Through The Goal Posts Of Life – Bobby Bare

    #1 – You Picked A Fine Time To Leave Me Lucille – a country music horror show

    5

  113. Mellow Yellow.

    Thanks for the ear infection.

    Yeah, that was Donovan.

    They call me Mellow Yellow (that’s right, slick)

    4

  114. I think no one has mentioned this one because it is so virulently pathogenic that you either die from hearing it or your psychological/aesthetic immune system seals it off from your consciousness like an encysted tuberculosis bacillus:

    People by Babs Streisand

    5

  116. @ Erik I’m just mad about saffron, saffron’s mad about me
    must stop, must stop

    Band On The Run – Hand on the bun cause the Band’s got the runs or some such crap

    Screaming Lord Sutch – I only know about this lunatic from my husband. Jack the Ripper, Jack the Ripper

    1

  118. Cato, my best friend and I were in Bezerkley in Peoples Park in Aug. 1972 (the last blowout of our youth when we hitchhiked to Frisco from Portland) and attended a free concert with Country Joe and the Fish, Jesse Colin Young and Asleep At the Wheel. I still like Western swing and Asleep At The Wheel the others not too much. Country Joe sang the Fish cheer with a shout out FU to Nixon. About 3 weeks later I had joined the Navy and my best friend joined the next Spring in 1973 and he retired after 30 years in the Navy as a Chief Petty Officer in Anti submarine warfare. It was a different time back then and I don’t regret joining the Navy and seeing the end of the Vietnam War overseas from aboard the USS Kitty Hawk CV 63 in 1973-74 and again in the Spring of 75 right after Saigon fell to the N. Vietnamese and the commies took over. We should’ve won that damned war.

    3

  120. Eugenia, WAP is far worse than Afternoon Delight. The sex in Afternoon Delight was implied with stupid double entendres while WAP is totally explicit. I still hate Afternoon Delight because it was a stupid song. And Debbie Boone fortunately wasn’t as quite as bad as her dad Pat Boone. I don’t like any of Pat Boone’s music except for Speedy Gonzalez.

    2

  121. @ stirrin the pot MARCH 21, 2021 AT 8:56 PM

    Just talking about the song, Stirrin’ never said anything about the band. Don’t get off topic. No need to wad any panties up. That song is no Man’s song to sing.

    2

  123. Yoko Ono with a live chicken jammed up her ass…

    That really sucked. But it didn’t get any FM time.

    You had to buy the LP for that disaster. Or was it a turkey?

    Either way.

    2

  124. Dadof4 March 21, 2021 at 10:44 pm
    “…No need to wad any panties up. That song is no Man’s song to sing…”

    No panties wadded here. I acknowledged that you might not like that particular song for reasons of your own. What I neglected to say is “to each his own”. Doesn’t bother me a bit.

    Marshall Tucker was much more than that song. That’s all. Maybe I got a little defensive, afterall, they were one of the early influencers of my musical taste in the mid-seventies.

    2

  126. To be fair I think Dave Mason’s “Alone Together” is the finest rock LP ever made. Start to finish. I love the Layla LP, and Electric Ladyland, and DSOM, but if I had to go to Mars with one LP it would be Alone Together. If I was allowed 2 LPs I would take Brubeck’s Time Out. If I could take 3 I would take Holst’s The Planets, William Steinberg with the BSO.

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