The Federalist
Now it’s 2023, and times are tough again. In the economy, sure. But also for anyone looking to fly Southwest anytime soon. That’s because the airline effectively just kicked off a new promotion courtesy of a bunch of plump TikTokers:
Fatties Fly Free.
“Low-cost carrier Southwest Airlines is being celebrated by ‘passengers of size’ on TikTok after they discovered they can request complimentary seats — one or two, depending on needs — to accommodate their girth,” Fox Business reported this week. “Customers whose bodies ‘encroach’ past the armrest are entitled to an extra seat, according to Southwest’s inclusion policy.” More
This begs the question, how much more would you pay to keep the passengers sitting next to you from oozing over the armrest? – Dr. Tar
Fly the fatty skies U-er-Southwest.
Hey, you can cater to the lazy, the slobs, the inconsiderate, the takers, the uninspired fatties, I just don’t give-a-shit, especially since I do not fly.
^^^^forgot “of” ^^^^
Will Southwest give them two bags of peanuts too?
New slogan: Shitbags fly free!
Cheaper for them than lawsuits
The fatties also get to do early boarding. So, if the flight is fully booked and a lard assed ham planet gets on the plane first, taking up 2 seats, normal sized people will get bumped off the flight.
How is this any kind of business model for Southwest: kicking off paying customers so that some land whale can take 2 seats while only paying for one. Doesn’t more weight also reduce fuel efficiency?
Normal sized people should boycott Southwest and let the lard asses bankrupt the company.
Prediction – fat body suits will be a popular item this Christmas.
As usual the Babylon Bee is on it with a twofer headline of, South West Airlines to provide plus-size customers with bed of hay, feeding trough. And, South West introduces new C-17 cargo plane capable of carrying your mom.
CJ
SATURDAY, 16 DECEMBER 2023, 19:31 AT 7:31 PM
“Prediction – fat body suits will be a popular item this Christmas.”
…interesting point.
Is there actual criteria for a fee-free fat bump like weight, BMI, official diagnosis of morbid obesity? A highly subjective visual test by some unlucky SW employee? Do you go by which passengers the TSA bodyscanner guys don’t lust after, or just let someone “identify” as fat and leave it at that?
…I know the kids don’t like actual, quantifiable, factual, reality-based standards these days, but these questions WILL come up in some court one day, so SOMEONE better have an answer, just in case it is the rare not-Communist judge it goes before…
Frequent Fryer Miles too?
@SNS — Perhaps the best system would be similar to the bag size check at the gate. Have a test seat by the gate, a normal-looking seat but with adjustable arms to measure just how wide the fatso is. Fatso sits down, gate agent slides arms in so they’re nice and snug, really snug, on each side.
IMPORTANT DETAIL: Those arms jam at any width greater than a standard seat’s. Supervisor with fixit tool is on break. Fatso is stuck. Can’t get up. Plane departs. Problem solved.
What about really tall people who, through no fault of their own, find fitting in airline seats difficult? Will Southwest give these people extra room? Prolly not. Tall people need to start a height acceptance campaign.
^^^
Uncle Al
SATURDAY, 16 DECEMBER 2023, 19:53 AT 7:53 PM
good answer.
…except they often kick some lucky firefighter out of bed to come butter tubby’s hips in such straits when they start panicking, and I’d feel kind of bad for THAT guy…
If I am trying to care for a patient and they say no, I cannot so much as lay a fingertip on them. That would be battery. However if I don’t want someone pressing up against me on the plane, I’m being unreasonable.
Did Stacey Abrams have anything to do with this?
Word is that the Biteme administration forced Southwest into doing this. Wouldn’t surprise me. Some 40% of Americans are obese, fat advocates are pushing to get obesity declared a “disability”, so then the ADA kicks-in and every business has to make accommodations. And of course all the fatties will qualify for SS disability payments. The dems will fall all over themselves to get the fat ass vote, by guaranteeing their entitlements. And the country will continue the downward spiral .
A couple thoughts. Like many here I use to fly A LOT. Mainly for biz. Hated it. Back in those days we use to spend Thanksgiving in Maui. Our fav airline to get there was Aloha Airlines. So the first week of October we made our return to Maui. We flew Aloha and I was shocked at the seat size while boarding. They’re half the size they use to be. A total cattle call. I’m not a small guy. Anything but fat. Most uncomfortable 5 hours I’ve ever spent. Coming and going. The wife and I are going back next May. But I’ll spend the extra money to go first class.
Fat shaming. I’m against it. They won’t change their ways anyway. They’re weak. No will power. The sooner they kill themselves with a fork and get off my planet the happier I’ll be.
I’m no fan of Southwest anymore. but if you want to boycott an airline it should be American. How ironic. They’re the ones with the contract with Biden inc to fly immigrants all over the U.S. And you’re paying for it.
Had a duzy back in the 70’s flying Ozark air (great airline). Had a guy the could not sit in 2 seats even with a double belt expander. Beautiful stewardess asked if I could take a later flight. I told her I was a pilot, I could sit in the jump seat up front. She looked at me for a few seconds and said I could share the back jump seat with her. She smiled, I smiled and we got a belt extender and shared the stewardess jump seat at the back of the plane. This was a Fairchild fh227 twin otter. (aka the flying boat) had 4 additional stops that night and she said it was OK to share the seats on the remaining stops. Actually dated several times after that….
Why invest in a fat suit? Just identify as a fatty and claim the entire row for yourself.
If a 50 year old man can identify as a teenaged girl swimmer why can’t a normal weight adult identify as obese? Fair is fair.
Guess who’s paying for those “free” seats for the fatties? All the normal size Southwest customers, of course. Yet one more reason I no longer fly.
There may be more delays with taking on enough fuel for the trip + 10% as pilots look at the passenger load, then shout out the window “Fuck that Fred, fill ‘er up!!”
Next thing you know, the fatties will insist that the flight attendants all carry slingshots. That way the FA’s can feed them snacks.
They’ll have to force non fatties to move around to balance the weight load in the plane.
Should be fun with more than 2 on board.
We were forced to the back seat from the front on American a few yrs ago because some 300++ lb man was in the front too.
Get ready for videos of ticked off customers!
I guess “When Pigs Fly” takes on a whole new meaning.
mortem tyrannis
izlamo delenda est …
@Tim
“When Pigs Fly” – LOL! you win the internet with that one
GREAT idea Southwest. THANK YOU. Now all the lard asses will be going to SWA. No more fat asses on SWA’s competitors, thank gawd. SWA better have a good reason for not giving a free seat to a 130-pound mother with a 25-pound toddler.
How about half-off air fair for those of us that are able to stay in between their armrests?
My nose will ‘croach the seat next to me if a li’l girl is there. No joke on airfac-airfuss-you know, the thing, those ss guys’ll hold a babygurl down so’s I can ‘croach all over her!
southwest is just trying to be kind to the obese people, who of course actually live at higher rates in those poorer red states that voted for Trump
The FFF program.
Fat Man at SW airline check-in: Hi, I’m really overweight and I shouldn’t have to pay for my ticket under the FFF program.
Check-in Lady: Sir, please stand on the scale so we can get your weight.
Fat Man: No problem.
Check-in Lady: Sir, you weigh 349 pounds. You must weigh at least 350 to be eligible for the FFF program. I’m very sorry.
Fat Man: Look, I can get to 350 in no time at all. Where is the nearest Waffle House?
Check-in Lady: There is one just outside the airport. But you have only two hours before your flight takes off.
Fat Man: No worries, be back in half an hour.
^^^^After a half hour of choking down a dozen waffles and 3 orders of bacon at the Waffle House, Fat Man comes back to the SW Airline check-in counter.
Fat Man: Wow, I bet I weigh around 375 now…can I step on the scale again?
Check-in Lady: Sir, I’m sorry, but the scale is broken.
Fat Man: OK, How about the next scale to the right?
Check-in Lady: Oh, it’s broken too. All of our scales are broken.
Fat Man: What? Don’t give me that….I want to talk to your manager. You’re trying to screw me out of a free ticket.
Check-in Lady: Sir, calm down, none of the scales in the airport work…we were all hit 20 minutes by a cyber attack which disabled all of the scales for all airlines here. Besides my manager can’t talk to you now, he is on bereavement leave for three months…his parrot died.
Fat Man (Now red in the face from rage): I’ll be back, bitch.
One hour later, Fat Man, wearing black fatigues and armed with a shotgun, an automatic AR-15, 3 grenades and a sword, is gunned down by Airport Police in a wild shootout.
^^^^ The next day, another fat fellow approaches the SW check-in counter,
Fat Man: Good Mornin’ Ma’am, I am the fattest man in Montgomery Alabama and I believe I can fly for free today.
Check-in Lady: Of course sir…please step in the scale so we can see if you are eligible.
Fat Man: Will do, Ma’am. Gosh, I am a porker, ain’t I?
Check-in Lady: You are indeed sir. But not quite enough of a porker. The scale shows you weigh 399 pounds. Unfortunately, you must weigh at least 400 pounds to take advantage of our Fatties Fly Free program. If you want to try to make the weight limit, you may want to go to the Waffle House. It’s right outside the airport. C’mon back when you get to 400.
Fat Man: Gotcha…I can do this sittin’ down.
And the beat goes on!
^^^^ Chris Christie approaches the SW Check-in desk at Atlanta.
Chris: OK, everybody says I’m extremely fat, so surely I can get a free round-trip economy ticket under the FFF program, right?
Check-in Lady: I’m sorry Mr. Christie, but the specially made 4 feet wide seats for the FFF program are all taken for this flight.
Chris: Oh, hell. I have to get to Big Butte, Nebraska tomorrow. Ya gotta get me on this flight.
Check-in Lady: We’ll get you on sir, but you are, shall we say, a bit heavy, so you may not fit on one seat for your economy fare. We’ll have to measure your backside to see how many seats you’ll need. It’s a new program and we do it to ensure fairness to all our passengers.
Chris: What, I’ve never heard of such a thing! You want to measure my ass?
Check-in Lady: Yes, Mr. Christie, it’s company policy.
Chris: Ok, if you have to – I’ve got to get on this flight.
Check-in Lady: Turn around Mr. Christy while I take your measure….hmmmm, your backside measures 3 feet wide, so we’ll have to charge you for 6 economy seats for your round-trip flight. Luckily, we have 3 adjacent seats left in the last row, but you’ll be close to the bathroom. That’ll be $2,456 for the six round-trip economy fares.
Chris: Shit, never mind, I’ll take the Greyhound instead.
^^^^ Mervyn “Lard” Jefferson III tries to get a FFF ticket at the SW check-in desk at Philadelphia Int’l Airport.
Mervyn: I need a FFF Fat Man ticket for the next flight to Chicago.
Check-in Lady: Yes, sir. How much do you think you weigh?
Mervyn: 525 pounds.
Check-in Lady: Hmmm…we’ll have to check your weight…please step on the scale.
Mervyn: Sure.
Check-in Lady: Well, the scale shows you actually weigh 600 pounds.
Mervyn: Oh, then I’m eligible. May I have my boarding pass?
Check-in Lady: Sir, let me explain our FFF program to you. It is designed for people that weigh between 300 and 550 pounds. You are a little too heavy to be eligible for an FFF ticket.
Mervyn: Wait…I weigh 600 pounds and you are saying I’m not fat?
Check-in Lady. No, I’m not saying you’re not fat, you are actually quite fat. But if we let enough very heavy people, like yourself, board the aircraft, It’ll never get off the ground. You don’t want that…nobody wants that. What’s the point of getting a free ticket if the plane can’t take off?
Mervyn: You know what? This is racism, pure and simple. I’m going to tell my congressman about this. I’ll sue your ass so much you’ll end up with puddle jumper routes like Nashville to Memphis.
Check-in Lady: I’m sorry sir, but we have rules and standards we must abide by.
Mervyn: Yeah, like keeping black men down? Y’all gonna hear from my lawyer. Have a nice day.