Advice For People Hosting Parties Tomorrow – How To Prepare Tofu

9 Comments on Advice For People Hosting Parties Tomorrow – How To Prepare Tofu

1. Heh heh. That’s funny, even at 3:15 AM.
   Very similar to a carp recipe,
   except after tossing you order pizza.

2. Carp dinner: Put carp on roofing shingle.
   Pack shit tightly around carp.
   Bake at 350° for 2 hours.
   Toss carp and shit.
   Eat shingle.

3. Wouldn’t hurt to get a restraining order against whoever brought the shit. Prog-free is the only way to celebrate the 4th of July.

4. Step 3: Slap the person who dared bring it into your house. If the perpetrator is male, toss his man card into the grill.

5. Tofu should come with a disclaimer, Eating tofu has been known to make you gay as well as an un American lover of silly, stupid, destructive policies not conducive to a free liberty loving people. Only suitable for pajama boys and skanky liberal chicks whose hair looks like birds are nesting in it.

6. Reminds me of my aunt’s famous recipe
   for kidney:

   Boil the piss out of it and throw it away.

   ; }

   P.S. — Happy Fourth!

7. When we were kids on butchering day on my Uncles farm we took the bladder out of the freshly killed cow and were playing football with it till it burst all over one of my brothers when he caught and it was still full of piss. It was fun but Eric was a mess. We also played baseball in the cow pasture using dried up and sometimes not so dried up cow pies as bases. Still better and more fun than tofu ever will be.

8. Tofu is soy bean curd. Soy has been linked to hormonal issues with young women, possibly even making them start menstruating early. It also has a negative effect on males because the ingredients in soy mimic female hormones. Very bad.

   Personally, tofu looks like something that should be coming out of my body rather than going in.

9. Thanks.
   I was about to inquire: “What the fuck is tofu?”