Ah, the TSA. The agency entrusted with the important job of ensuring that every airline passenger in the U.S. makes it to their destination in one piece has announced a new contest: they’ll give a cool $5,000 to the person with the best suggestion on how to improve the airport security line experience.
While the good people at Mashable had some pretty good ideas on improving the airport security experience (provide slippers, self-returning trays, etc.), here are a few other ideas to make the boarding process smoother.
1. Train all employees that the “District of Columbia” is a real place in the United States.
My colleague Matt Vespa wrote about the incredible story of TSA agents not understanding that the District of Columbia is a real place:
“At that point, I was a little confused, but then I realized what was going on,” he later told WFTV. “I said to him, ‘Do you not know what the District of Columbia is?’ After some back and forth, it became clear he didn’t.”
A better-educated stock of agents would likely improve waits.
2. Adjust the “ban” of liquids to something that makes sense.
image: people’s cube
Seriously I would walk through a security checkpoint buck naked, if it would speed things up.
But then most of the time when I fly I am heading to a place that I can hang out nude for vacation.
Fuck your body scanners.
Assume innocence before guilt.
Profile the muslims.
Each TSA employee would work more efficiently if they weren’t obese.
Get rid of their badges, it only gives them power trips.
Get rid of the TSA— What is their “success” rate for stopping a terrorist attack? 0.000001%, if that? Any private company would be shut down long ago.
Loved this comment at townhall
“Wanna cut the time?
Take a page out of Homeland Security and the border crisis.
When it gets too crowded, consider all of the passengers illegals and let ’em board.”
Wanna make the lines move faster….? Remove the TSA.
provide every boarder with a cattle prod. That aught to improve the experience. It would improve mine.
Better-looking gropers?
Passengers can do to the TSA agents, what the TSA agents do to the passenger.
1. It makes too much sense for this arm of Government that you could give a person a card or something to signify that they’ve already been pulled out of line for extra screening, so that the same person is not pulled out of the same line THREE times while coming back into the country, as happened to one of my friends returning from missions in Peru. One person screened when 3 could have been. Private business would fail with such inefficiency.
2. It’s not my 95 year old Methodist grandmother from Indiana that’s hijacking planes. Stop the nonsense. Profiling is simply good police work.
I agree with Tsunami – the best way to improve “security line experience” is to disband the TSA.
Hire hooters gals for male checks and Chippendale dancers for the females
and NO you cannot choose the other option just because you swing that way !!
this might even cut down on the crazy muzzies trying to board
Scrutinize the people with the diapers on their heads
Make all muslims fly on all muslim airplanes with all muslim crews. Until then, do as the Israelis do: PROFILE!
No muzzies in!
Profile, profile and then profile some more. F*ck political correctness which has led to bloated bureaucracies and large scale idiocy.
What Hillbilly, nick and the Judge said!
Also, let the passengers check their fellow passengers. Most people look over the people on the plane with them. In other words let them go with their gut. Get rid of tsa agents.
Save a lot of money.