Babylon Bee
When ballparks finally open again, those standing for the traditional seventh-inning stretch will be singing some different lyrics to “Take Me Out to the Ballgame.”
After over 100 years of selling its caramel popcorn snack under the name Cracker Jack, Frito-Lay announced today that it would be rebranded as the less offensive “Caucasian Jack.” More
I’m not a Cracker, I’m a Saltine-American.
Competition will soon appear: Blacker Jack
Black Cracker
HONKY Jack!
Wait-… wasn’t that an Elton John tune? 🤔
“Cracker” in this instance is an adjective.
Same with “Spanky”.
Both mean bright, sharp, competent, smart, “on the ball”.
“Jack sure is a crack shot”
“Gee, those knots are cracker jack!”
“Smart kid, why, he’s a little Spanky”
Anyway, the new name should be gender neutral as cracker jacks barely have nuts in them anymore.
I personally am triggered by the red skin potato salad.
Ummmmm… So now I should be caucasian baby?
@Aaron Burr — You’re crackers!
So “cracker jack” doesn’t have anything to do with a yegg’s hoist?
A yegg is a safeCRACKER.
Nope, this will not do. Too much white privilege. Maybe something like “Ze Jack” so the race is taken out of it, along with the gender.
Probably the only thing saving “Cracker Jack” from being made unrecognizable is that there is no baseball right now.
Does Caucasian Barrel sell it?
Can’t say “Like White on Rice” to denote something difficult to remove anymore either, huh?
I bet that Ritz Crackers are next because you can’t use Ritz (like putting on the Ritz) and cracker in the same sentence. That would be more than a mouthful for the left to swallow. Why don’t they just leave us the hell alone and quit screwing with everything and relabeling it so that it becomes meaningless or unrecognizable. I suggest that we relabel the left as the port party (a nautical term for to the left) and right as starboard and see if they could figure that out. And what about brown rice or wild rice aren’t those derogatory as well
Maybe they can name it Honky Jacks. Keeps within the spirit of the original name, sort of. I mean really, wouldn’t that make blacks happy? After all, that’s what America is all about now, making blacks happy.
Oh, and instead of a cheap toy inside, there will be a monetary gift, as reparation for Cracker’s privilege.
Multiracial Jacks:
Wagon Jacks for Jack Wagons
Off Jacks for Jack Offs –
Ass Jacks for Jack Asses
Dindu Jacks for Jack’s who dindu nuffin
Everyone should get several hundred self-stick 8×8 inch
signs stating “THIS OBJECT IS RACIST” so they can put them
everywhere on telephone poles, curbs, walls, trees etc, etc.
It is time to attack the ridiculous with More ridiculous.
The prize inside should be a tiny figurine of a cotton picker. Screw the perpetually offended.
It will now be called Evil White Devil Jack.
I’m curious, when do the coloreds start changing their last names; Washington, Jefferson, White……
Caucasian Castle sliders
Caucasian House
Caucasian Cliffs of Dover
Caucasian Wash
Caucasian Pages
Caucasian noise
Caucasian Owl
Caucasian wine
Chicago Caucasian Sox
Caucasian Christmas
Caucasian chocolate
Caucasian Marlin
Caucasian pizza
Caucasian Fang
Caucasian elephant
Caucasian flag
Caucasian Tailed Deer
Caucasian board
Caucasian Wedding
Caucasian Lightning
Caucasian Out
Caucasian Russian
Caucasiany Ford
we gotta lotta ‘correcting’ to do!
… & wait ’till we go from ‘black’ back to ‘negro’ …. ho boy!
Jack in this instance is not a name but a title. Similar to an “an English Tar” A “man jack” was a sailor.
See? It has a lil’ sailor kid on the box. So he’s a “cracker” (really good) “Jack” or sailor.
Cracker Jacks came out at the same time as the U.S. took it’s “Great White” Naval fleet around the world. It was quite the event.
So a snack celebrating that feel good moment for the USA seemed like a good idea.
Also, research “Baby Ruth” candy bars and the inspiration for the “Teddy Bear” for more obscure info on Americana from the previous centuries.
^^^^ that’s “Great Caucasian Fleet” ^^^^
& I’ll stick w/ ‘Chocolate Babies’
They gonn rename Oreos or is that name cool with the nazis
Somebody explain to me why we (cracker people) tolerate negroes speaking Engrish!
THAT’S cultural appropriation of the vilest sort.
They should only be allowed to “communicate” in Bantu, or !Ngoro-goro, or Swahili, or Amharic, or Yoruba, or Oromo.
It’s only fair!
izlamo delenda est …