Bob Hope’s theme song was “Thanks for the Memories”.
Dolly Parton’s theme song is “Thanks for the Mammaries”.
2
Al Capone was just a big chicken.
1
There’s a new Italian-Japanese co-production of a new monster-horror movie coming to a theater near you in August.
It’s called Gorgonzola – a huge 250 foot monster that rises out of the Mediterranean Sea and tramps ashore near Rome. Its color is not the same as the famous Godzilla – it has near white scales with blue streaks in it. When it arrives in Rome it destroys all the old historic sites- the Forum, the Colosseum, St. Peter’s, everything. But it kills people with its deadly stench and breath. One whiff and humans topple over dead. But they come back to life, sort of, as Zombies, with the same whitish-blue streaked color as Gorgonzola, and accompanied by a terrible smell. Just like the monster, one whiff of its killer stench means death for humans.
It’s spring so don’t forget to reverse your battery cables so that the air conditioner comes on instead of the heater! Oh yeah, and take the winter air out of your tires and put spring air in – also, top off the halogen fluid in your headlights!
1
LOL, everybody above sucks.
4
A 1950’s joke about women drivers.
A lady driving a VW Bug pulled over to the side of the road because her car would not go forward.
Another lady pulled over, also in a VW Bug and asked the first lady if she needed help.
Lady #1: Yes, thank you. My car stopped working. I opened up the hood and there’s nothing there…the motor must have fallen out.
Lady #2: Oh, don’t worry, I’ve got a spare motor in my trunk that I can lend to you…you’ll be back on the road in no time.
7
^^^^ Now that’s bad, and funny.
2
I was talking to my GF, and she said giving birth was worse than getting kicked in the balls. About 1-2 years after giving birth, may women want to have another kid. How many guys want to get kicked in the balls again?
2
Cynic, c’mon, what does your GF know about being kicked in the balls?
^^^ about as much as I know about giving birth.
1
Bruno Mars, Venus Williams, and Freddie Mercury all walk into a bar. The bartender says “What are you guys doing here?” They all say “We didn’t planet that way.”
8
When past, present, and future walk into a bar, things tend to get real tense.
5
I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don’t know what he laced them with but I can’t stop tripping.
6
Joe Biden got 81 million votes!
7
This is your captain speaking.
THIS IS YOUR CAPTAIN SHOUTING.
2
Guy in a bar is telling a joke about what do you do with an epileptic in a bathtub? Guy next to him says put your washing in with him.
Third guy next to him says he doesn’t appreciate the joke because his epileptic brother died in the tub.
First guy apologized profusely, while second guy says he’s sorry, and asked how he died.
Third guy says he choked on a sock.
5
Reminds me of the Public Service Annoncement I saw a while ago at a Washington DC swimming pool –
“If anyone sees Justice John Roberts having an Epileptic seizure in the swimming pool, please throw in a load of laundry and a box of soap”
Amer has 3 lunch boxes. He give 1 to Omar and 1 to Amir.
Bob Hope’s theme song was “Thanks for the Memories”.
Dolly Parton’s theme song is “Thanks for the Mammaries”.
Al Capone was just a big chicken.
There’s a new Italian-Japanese co-production of a new monster-horror movie coming to a theater near you in August.
It’s called Gorgonzola – a huge 250 foot monster that rises out of the Mediterranean Sea and tramps ashore near Rome. Its color is not the same as the famous Godzilla – it has near white scales with blue streaks in it. When it arrives in Rome it destroys all the old historic sites- the Forum, the Colosseum, St. Peter’s, everything. But it kills people with its deadly stench and breath. One whiff and humans topple over dead. But they come back to life, sort of, as Zombies, with the same whitish-blue streaked color as Gorgonzola, and accompanied by a terrible smell. Just like the monster, one whiff of its killer stench means death for humans.
It’s spring so don’t forget to reverse your battery cables so that the air conditioner comes on instead of the heater! Oh yeah, and take the winter air out of your tires and put spring air in – also, top off the halogen fluid in your headlights!
LOL, everybody above sucks.
A 1950’s joke about women drivers.
A lady driving a VW Bug pulled over to the side of the road because her car would not go forward.
Another lady pulled over, also in a VW Bug and asked the first lady if she needed help.
Lady #1: Yes, thank you. My car stopped working. I opened up the hood and there’s nothing there…the motor must have fallen out.
Lady #2: Oh, don’t worry, I’ve got a spare motor in my trunk that I can lend to you…you’ll be back on the road in no time.
^^^^ Now that’s bad, and funny.
I was talking to my GF, and she said giving birth was worse than getting kicked in the balls. About 1-2 years after giving birth, may women want to have another kid. How many guys want to get kicked in the balls again?
Cynic, c’mon, what does your GF know about being kicked in the balls?
^^^ about as much as I know about giving birth.
Bruno Mars, Venus Williams, and Freddie Mercury all walk into a bar. The bartender says “What are you guys doing here?” They all say “We didn’t planet that way.”
When past, present, and future walk into a bar, things tend to get real tense.
I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don’t know what he laced them with but I can’t stop tripping.
Joe Biden got 81 million votes!
This is your captain speaking.
THIS IS YOUR CAPTAIN SHOUTING.
Guy in a bar is telling a joke about what do you do with an epileptic in a bathtub? Guy next to him says put your washing in with him.
Third guy next to him says he doesn’t appreciate the joke because his epileptic brother died in the tub.
First guy apologized profusely, while second guy says he’s sorry, and asked how he died.
Third guy says he choked on a sock.
Reminds me of the Public Service Annoncement I saw a while ago at a Washington DC swimming pool –
“If anyone sees Justice John Roberts having an Epileptic seizure in the swimming pool, please throw in a load of laundry and a box of soap”
Amer has 3 lunch boxes. He give 1 to Omar and 1 to Amir.
Calculate the blast radius.
Do trees poop? No. Then how do we get #2 pencils.
^^^^^
#2 Pencils come out of Ash Trees.