With Wendy Bell and Brock— Starts at 2:53:45
iOTWreport.com ©2024 ----- iOTWreport is not responsible for the content of comments. All opinions in comments are solely the commenter's.
With Wendy Bell and Brock— Starts at 2:53:45
iOTWreport.com ©2024 ----- iOTWreport is not responsible for the content of comments. All opinions in comments are solely the commenter's.
Where was King David’s temple located?
Beside his ear.
Mike: Hey buddy, what’s wrong?
Paddy: Just had a big fight with the wife. That woman fights for
no frock in’ reason at all.
Mike: Why? What happened?
Paddy: We were both very excited and were just about to get it on. She removed her jeans and then her top, when I asked, “Why are you wearing your sister’s bra?”
A man walks over to his next door neighbor’s house and knocks on the door. The woman of the house answers the door, wearing a short terry cloth robe, her hair up in a towel.
The man asks, “Is your husband home?”, to which the woman replies, “Yes, he is just finishing up in the shower.”
The man pauses a second then says “Um, this might sound odd, but I’ll give you $300 to drop your robe to the ground!” The woman looks shocked, but after considering it for a few seconds, shrugs her shoulders and removes her robe, standing there in all her glory.
The man smiles, hands her $300 cash, and walks off.
A couple of minutes later, the woman’s husband comes out and asks who was at the door.
“It was the next door neighbor” she replied.
Her husband asks, “Oh, OK. By the way, did he bring my $300 over?”
Uncle: Alexa, remind me to go to the gym.
Alexa: I have added gin to your shopping list.
Uncle: Close enough.
Tuesday 1-7-24 dad joke on my daily dad joke calendar. What do you call a depressed traffic jam? Bummer-to-bummer traffic.
What did George Washington say to the troops before they crossed the Delaware?
OK everybody, get in the boats.
Tuesday 1-7-25, geez Louise I knew that. It happens every year until I get used to it being 2025 already.
a man is driving down the road and his car breaks down near a monastery. He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and says, “My car broke down. Do you think I could stay the night?”The monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, even fix his car. As the man tries to fall asleep, he hears a strange sound. A sound unlike anything he’s ever heard before. The Sirens that nearly seduced Odysseus into crashing his ship comes to his mind. He doesn’t sleep that night. He tosses and turns trying to figure out what could possibly be making such a seductive sound.The next morning, he asks the monks what the sound was, but they say, “We can’t tell you. You’re not a monk.” Distraught, the man is forced to leave.Years later, after never being able to forget that sound, the man goes back to the monastery and pleads for the answer again.The monks reply, “We can’t tell you. You’re not a monk.”The man sa,ys, “If the only way I can find out what is making that beautiful sound is to become a monk, then please, make me a monk.”The monks reply, “You must travel the earth and tell us how many blades of grass there are and the exact number of grains of sand. When you find these answers, you will have become a monk.”The man sets about his task. After years of searching he returns as a gray-haired old man and knocks on the door of the monastery. A monk answers. He is taken before a gathering of all the monks.”In my quest to find what makes that beautiful sound, I traveled the earth and have found what you asked for: By design, the world is in a state of perpetual change. Only God knows what you ask. All a man can know is himself, and only then if he is honest and reflective and willing to strip away self deception.”The monks reply, “Congratulations
. You have become a monk. We shall now show you the way to the mystery of the sacred sound.”The monks lead the man to a wooden door, where the head monk says, “The sound is beyond that door.”The monks give him the key, and he opens the door. Behind the wooden door is another door made of stone. The man is given the key to the stone door and he opens it, only to find a door made of ruby. And so it went that he needed keys to doors of emerald, pearl and diamond.Finally, they come to a door made of solid gold. The sound has become very clear and definite. The monks say, “This is the last key to the last door.”The man is apprehensive to no end. His life’s wish is behind that door!With trembling hands, he unlocks the door, turns the knob, and slowly pushes the door open. Falling to his knees, he is utterly amazed to discover the source of that haunting and seductive sound……But, of course, I can’t tell you what it is because you’re not a monk.
Q: What type of bee can’t make up its mind?
A: A maybe.