Don’t be this jerk:
The lights around here are notoriously ridiculous. They take 3 minutes to change. Getting stuck at one when you’re in a rush is a miserable experience.
And do you know what makes it even more miserable? The following sh1tpickle:
There were three lanes on this particular road. I was in the right lane, no one was around except for one guy, our sh!tpickle, about 100 feet ahead of me approaching a light. The light was 250 feet away. I have my directional signal on indicating that I will be making the right hand turn.
The light goes yellow, he slows down. He stops. I get behind him with my right hand turn signal, andddddddd, he sits there. He’s not making a right. He either doesn’t know what’s going on behind him, or he just doesn’t care.
The center lane is just not his bag. He would rather right-lane it all the way home.
Yep. This moron has three lanes to choose from and he chooses the one where he will be a human butt plug for anyone wanting to make a right. This is no big deal if the lights are 20 seconds, but you could make a grilled cheese sandwich in the time it takes for these lights to change. (The first time I Mapquested something down here it said it was 8 miles away. The estimated time was 25 minutes, around 3 minutes a mile. I couldn’t believe it.)
Now, it’s a 3 minute wait for me to make my right-hand turn and we are the only 2 cars within eyesight.
Does he feel like a schmuck? Naaaaaa. Mr. Magoo DGAS. He doesn’t even know what’s going on.
Oh, and before someone tries to be an apologist for the guy, this is the last light before you go over a stretch where there is nothing on the right. It’s actually a very long overpass. So it’s not like he has to tuck into the right lane to avoid the risk of being blocked out of his own right turn after the light turns green. Besides, there was no one on the road!
Okay. I’m done. I feel a little better.
Now you can call me a sh!tpickle,
OK, you’re a shitpickle.
My turn – You’re a shitepickle.
I’m going to be different: You’re a fecal gherkin.
😛
I’ll use Fecal Gherkin when I’m with the Algonquin Roundtable. – bfh
My pet peeve is people who are turning left off a 2-lane road who always seem to position their car so far to the right, you can’t drive around them. Why in Lucifer’s reach can they not cheat to the left side of the lane and clear the way for cars stuck behind them?! That makes me crazy.
You could try one of these:
https://www.amazon.com/AUDEW-Single-Trumpet-Chrome-Compressor/dp/B01127IER0/
if he still doesn’t move, at least you can give him a headache.
To me, there’s a difference between someone who takes some action that inconveniences me, and someone who fails to take some action that would be convenient for me. While I do certainly prefer not to have to suffer the latter, I don’t think I have a reasonable, civilized basis to find fault. As for the former, you can bet your ass I’ll look for some way to return the “favor” in spades!
I’m glad you made it home ok. Now can you take out the trash like you promised you would this morning dear? I love you too. Air kiss.
Dianny – I hear ya. There seem to be a lot of obliviot drivers who have no idea how big their vehicles are, and act as though there’s nothing behind their heads (we already know there’s nothing IN their heads). As long as their eyeballs are clear of the traffic lane, they pretend the whole ass-end of their car is clear, too. Morons.
BFH – Never forget you’re in Florida now. Most of us drivers here are packin’.
Now you know a smidgen of what us LGBT People go through.
I didn’t know they did that surgery at stop lights Larry. Thanks for the info.
To me, there’s a difference between someone who takes some action that inconveniences me, and someone who fails to take some action that would be convenient for me. While I do certainly prefer not to have to suffer the latter, I don’t think I have a reasonable, civilized basis to find fault>>>
Wait a minute. You’re an anarchist. That requires a society a little more self-aware and cooperative, doesn’t it?
If you don’t like my anecdote above, how about this one.
This happened to me 3 days ago.
I’m in the left lane. A left hand turn lane (a third lane) begins one car length ahead of the guy in front of me.
But for some FUCKING REASON, this Fecal Gherkin decides he’s going to stop 3 car lengths from the car in front of him, preventing me from getting in the left turn lane.
I honk, he gives me the “WTF are you honking at?”
Finally he moves up, just in time for the yellow left hand arrow to appear.
Yep.
3 minutes at that light.
So, I’m not supposed to get angry at this kind of stupidity?
I go the speed limit. I know, it’s a personal foible and maybe I should feel ashamed, but I have an aversion to traffic fines. In order to avoid being run over by the people who go faster than me – that would be almost all of them – I stay to the right. That’s why it’s called the slow lane. If you need to be there sooner, leave earlier.
Call me Mr. Magoo, a moron, or a human buttplug, I couldn’t care less. I’m not looking in my mirror to see if you want to turn because I really don’t DGAF. I’m minding my own business, not yours.
Sorry, not trying to piss you off, but instead of being angry at the guy obeying the law, maybe you should petition the local politicians to put in a right-turn lane at this intersection.
The right hand lane has a huge sign with an arrow going straight and an arrow going right. It is the right hand turn lane. We have to share it with people that DGAS, apparently.
That’s what the sign is for, to make people aware that there will be people stuck behind you if you thoughtlessly get in the right hand lane just to stop at a light when your option is to merge over one lane to the left so that you won’t be a butt plug.
This happened with NO TRAFFIC ANYWHERE. NONE. Two cars on a 3 lane thoroughfare.
And you should look in the rearview mirror a lot.
Not being aware of your surroundings in every direction is not a good policy.
(You do know the rules of the rant. Right? I get to call names, you get to call names and then no one wins and we carry on.
I have nothing against you. This is just blowing off steam.)
Oh, I don’t mind people doing the speed limit. I have no right to force someone into a ticket or driving faster than they are comfortable driving.
BFH:
Yes it does. And that’s why I won’t gripe at the guy who simply declines to go out of his way to avoid being an asshole, but will gripe at the guy who does go out of his way to be an asshole.
Sorry, but I have a different attitude in situations like this. It’s traffic, deal with it. We’re all part of it, and we all take turns being the “shitpickle” of the day. When you let yourself get all wound-up over it, the only person that ends up pissed-off about it is you.
Don’t do that to yourself.
What generally pisses me off is when I am leaving a parking lot, turning onto the main street in the right lane and the idiot in front of me is turning left but is blocking the right turn exit lane. So I have to wait for traffic to thin out in both directions so the dipshit will move and then I can turn right, honk, and flip the bastard off.
That happens a lot in town.
Bad drivers are the shit pickles, BFH, not you. NEVER you!
I hate bad drivers. The only thing that keeps the road rage at bay for me is the fact that I usually hafta haul my kids along anytime I go anywhere. That and singing along to the radio. I pity the fool who cuts me off on a day when somebody else is watching the kids and my car stereo is on the fritz!
That’s not a good enough standard.
I happen to adhere to a philosophy that it’s a lot of little things that make society shitty.
People who put their shopping cart in the middle of the aisle and walk away getting lost in thought in front of the Garbanzo beans is a dope. This is only the tip of the iceberg with a fecal gherkin like that. This is analogous to clogging the right turn lane because you don’t care about anyone that might be making a right.
When I see this type of person I can’t help but blame them for all of society’s ills.
I’m a classic misanthrope.
I think all people are rotten and stupid until proven otherwise. And when they prove they are either rotten or stupid I could spit in their wake.
I have no use.
Conversely, I’m really, really appreciative of the person who sees me walk up behind them with a single lime and they have a cart full of groceries and they say GO AHEAD.
I almost exclusively decline and I thank them for being so courteous.
I could stand patiently behind them and admire them. These are the people we need more of.
When the person who sees me but doesn’t offer the same courtesy…
The thoughts get dark.
lol
Mr Microsoft Prius uses all 4 hamsters to go as fast as possible on a hill to pass. Even though he should merge behind you-because he is in the merge lane with the arrow on the pavement indicating to move over dummy- you slow down so the idiot doesn’t side swipe you- because everyone around you is slow pokin’ it up the hill. Whatever.
Mr. Microsoft Prius gets in front of you and immediately slows down. Hamsters exhausted. The crowd ahead of him suddenly discovers the difference between brake and gas and take off-leaving Mr. Microsoft Prius leading the parade. Mr. Microsoft Prius then answers a text and wanders onto the berm kicking up dust and one rock that goes *ting*crack* off your windshield. Good times.
In the past month, Mr. Illust8r’s pick up has been hit on each side of the back bumper while parked at a Starbucks. Each left a note of apology about the small scratch (no contact or insurance info however). Small scratches look like they were made by large cats. Idiots, sh*t pickles and fecal gherkins everywhere!!!
Sorry, but I have a different attitude in situations like this. It’s traffic,>>>
2 people is not traffic. That’s the point. If it’s traffic, oh well.
These are not 20 second lights. These lights are 3 minutes long. Long enough for this guy to shame himself into turning right because normal people would just feel stupid sitting there with 2 perfectly good lanes to their left that they could easily have been in if they cared an iota about anyone else on the road.
Two people. Three lanes. Guy behind you with his right hand signal on, you have 250 feet to get over to the middle lane. You don’t. Now you sit there for 3 minutes preventing the right on red.
Really?
I guess I’m wrong.
I guess I’m the problem.
lol
BFH – Actually, we are, as my friend Carl says, in vehement agreement. The lines we draw may not be exactly in the same places, but the nature of those lines is identical.
Oh I hate bad grocery store shoppers, they are the bane of my housewifely existence! I am the lady with the full cart and the kids in line who offers to let the person behind me who just has a few things to go in front of me. You’re welcome.
There’s only one person on the road and it’s not you. It’s the shitpickle you are closest to.
Screw or be screwed my friends.
For example, I was transporting a crotch full of questionable substances the other night and figured, eh, take’r easy in the medium lane and pace the car in front doing about 70 in a 60 zone. No tailgating, a nice 80 yard distance and everything will be cool. Nope, I was cut off 3 times and almost run off the road from a merging car that needed to slice 6 lanes for absolutely no reason. This all happened in a 12 mile stretch of tollway. It’s absolutely more safe to hammer down in the left lane and be the biggest asshole. As for stop lights, I’ll sit in the right lane and fuck someone else over because given the chance they likely would do it to me, but haven’t exactly calculated the p factor. However, I’ve been known to go in the left lane around the jackass blocking the right lane to make the right turn.
How about the idiot that fills in the gap in bumper to bumper traffic with the car in front of him preventing people from making a left into a, a gas station, for example.
If it happens it happens. But I’ve seen people make eye contact with people trying to make the left and they look away and creep forward as if to say, “fugya, I own that ten feet.”
Carbon monoxide leak would be a good thing, as long as they drive off into a river, missing everyone else after they pass out at the wheel.
I used to go around them and make the right.
Now I keep creeping forward until you can’t fit a piece of paper between my bumper and their bumper. And it’s really cool when you could see the side of their goofy fucking head lighting up with each directional signal pulse.
That sign is there because it was a lot cheaper than putting in a for-real turn lane, not to make Mr. Magoo GAS about someone so clueless they didn’t leave home 5 minutes earlier so they wouldn’t be stuck behind him.
I doubt 1 person in 20 considers changing lanes because they saw someone BEHIND them with a turn signal on. As long as he’s not going to crash into me, jump out of his car to attack me, or some other stupid crap, he’s just not part of my GAS loop.
Why didn’t you go around Magoo to his left, then turn in front of him. You had 3 minutes so there was plenty of time and nobody was around, right?
All of you above need to buy a big ass Deisel truck. Except Larry the Lib because I know he likes to get rear ended.
Today I took my wife to see the sunflowers at the farm in the next county. It was shitpickle hell!
Everyone from miles around came to see them in full bloom. Thousands of them. They were parking along the county road with no shoulder, blocking the lanes in both directions. The sheriff deputies were yelling on their bullhorns for everyone to keep moving.
It’s like everyone left their brains at home today.
Oh – the sunflowers WERE pretty.
http://justwanderlustblog.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/sunflowers-in-tuscany-italy_37564_600x450.jpg
.
I don’t care what people behind me are are doing. That’s your problem.
Fecal Gherkin is my new favorite term!
I had a couple in my post but the system thought they were markup language. Sorry.
[grins] dammit, I had a couple [grins].
That sign is there because it was a lot cheaper than putting in a for-real turn lane, not to make Mr. Magoo GAS about someone so clueless they didn’t leave home 5 minutes earlier so they wouldn’t be stuck behind him.>>>
That doesn’t even come close to making any sense at all.
It’s pretty much Phuzzy Logic. 😉
It reminds me of Ron Bloomberg who said he could end all the close plays at first base. Just move the base up another foot.
(My grin worked. It was just a semi-colon and a parentheses.
Sorry, the [grin] at the end of the sentence didn’t show so you could see I was joking.
What does it matter anyway. The liberals will have you shuttled without your input in a locked pod with 12 sweaty faggots that will rape your mouth until destination with cameras sponsored by TSA, so long as the dyke murdering treasonous bitch gets effectively hoisted. Be glad you can rant about this, for now.
I don’t care what people behind me are are doing. That’s your problem.>>
I make it a habit to always check the rearview mirror, as well as right and left, even when I’m driving straight for a long distance.
I like to anticipate.
Never hit a car, a car never hit me.
I’m the same when entering a building or a restaurant, or any big venue. I check out escape routes.
I remember people making a bit of fun of me at the Breitbart memorial in NYC.
I ended up in this sitting area with Geller and a few other bloggers. Irony was there.
I wasn’t happy with where we were.
The place was packed and we were in the back near the jukebox with no exit should something happen up front. The discussion became whether we could plow the couch through the wall if need be.
When the assessment was that we couldn’t, I couldn’t get comfortable.
It’s just the way I am.
If I’m sitting in a waiting room I run scenarios through my head – what would I do if this happened?
Can I break this window and get out. Etc.
(I’ve gone off the rails a bit.)
I know. I’m a weirdo.
As a consequence I care what’s happening behind me when I’m driving.
I guess I have too great an expectation that someone would see me wanting to turn right (because I always check my rear view mirror when I’m approaching a red light and slowing down) and when the light turned red with a couple of hundred feet to go the driver would merge left.
I do it.
I guess I shouldn’t.
That’s what I’m gleaning from the comments.
My bad.
I’ll do better.
ECP.
Well, you just killed the thread!!!
Of course, you are right.
I think we’ll be in a camp one day trying to muster up a laugh through our TB while reminiscing about how we cared about being stuck at a light for 3 minutes.
it is my understanding that there are a whole bunch of old people driving in Florida with dementia, but absent that, Fur is 100% spot on. Driving without being aware of your surroundings and being uncourteous is unforgivable. Uncle Al you are a first class dip shit.
Phuzzy Logic: You remind me of an old fart my mom used to know. We lived in Los Angeles at the time. This guy would get on the freeway, merge over to the far left lane, and stay there until it was time for him to exit. No amount of arguing could convince him that the left lane was for faster traffic/passing etc. His attitude was that same as yours. “Hey, I’m going the speed limit so everyone else can FOAD.” I don’t know if this is still true, but at the time I think people could be ticketed for this, even though they were going the speed limit, because they were a traffic hazard. Besides, it’s just common courtesy, don’t you think? Something that seems to be in short supply these days. In Fur’s example above, how would being courteous and moving to the left one lane put you in danger of a ticket?
No. Al is cool.
Mainly because you can’t get under his skin with anything you throw at him.
I know that from 1st hand experience.
I was taught when driving to do the circuit from your rear view mirror, side mirrors, look ahead to always be aware of what’s around you. Now when you look it’s just to confirm that I’m surrounded by idiots.
Local TV is looking for volunteers who have had near misses at a nearby intersection. Every week there is some sort of accident. People get impatient and do stupid things.
Callie,
Phuzzy isn’t breaking the law, though.
The old fart was.
You are not supposed to cruise in the left lane. It’s a passing lane.
If you force people to pass on the right you will be ticketed.
Phuzzy said, he DGAS.
Which is legal.
That’s why my rant is called a rant.
I have to yell and scream because I have no other recourse.
lol
Satisfaction will not come in any other form but the written frustrated words.
In Louisiana you WILL, thankfully, get a ticket for driving in the left lane and jamming traffic. Being inconsiderate is like voting Democrat. Only thinking of yourself (Uncle Al). OR maybe it’s like donating hundreds of thousands of dollars to Hillary Clinton or going to her daughter’s wedding.
“I doubt 1 person in 20 considers changing lanes because they saw someone BEHIND them with a turn signal on.”
Sorry. I’m one of those people who will not block a right-turn lane if I don’t have to. But then, I tend to stay aware of what’s going on around me, and attempt to extend courtesy when I can.
Two cranks on this.
One is people who have been hit with cell phone-itis and the result is a trend of people leaving a complete car length+ in front of them at a light. At an intersection where six cars were meant to fit, leaving room for other vehicles to get to the turn lane (left or right) and trip the sensor to get through the intersection, suddenly it’s three cars constipating the place, and multiple cars that can’t get to the turn lanes. Then everyone get to wait until the whole cycle completes. TYVM, asshat.
Two involves bicycles (O joy!). I was second in line stopped in a single lane at a light. You go straight or left. Bike guy comes up from behind me and hangs on the side of the lane, and I figure he’s going straight, because where else would he be going, but he’s being a douche, because rules of traffic and all that. I’m going straight. At the light change, He decides to hook a left turn in front of me. Mind you, I’m in a very large vehicle. He then is so distracted that his bike-fairy magic wasn’t working, he then nearly gets hit by the car opposing me, which was going straight also.
Leave your effing toys at home. Wear a helmet at all times, because clearly your decision making process leaves a lot to be desired. And don’t even think of calling in on me. I’ll have your head.
I always thought it was expected of drivers to check the rear view mirror every few seconds when other cars are around, and the side mirrors too.
My dad taught me when I was 12 to always be aware of everything around me.
Maloy on Adam 12 set a pretty good example for mirror checking intervals. Maybe he was just giving Reed a hard time, but he stated the number of seconds between each peek at the mirror. What was it, 4, or 6 seconds. Something like that.
I taught all my kids the same way — always be 100% aware of what is around you, but especially in front of you.
@jpm – Well, if I can’t go first class, it just isn’t worth the trip!
We differ in that I differentiate the failure to be courteous with the overt act of being rude. I’m mildly annoyed by the former but incensed by the latter.
There are scenarios where I do leave a large gap in front of me in slowed to stalled traffic.
It’s in bad neighborhoods.
I want the wiggle room to be able to use my car to get out of any hairy situation and not be boxed in.
Again, it’s this anticipation thing I have. Maybe because I grew up in a less than nice place. And maybe because I think about Muslims a lot, and how they don’t like me so much.
I feel lucky after reading the situation. The 3 minutes at a light thing would irk me all by itself. I’ve noticed my GPS counts each light as 1 minute of travel time – shaving 1 off if I pass it green. It must go by an average because the lights are longer than 1 minute and I’m always earlier than it predicts. And we really don’t have people sitting in the right lanes that aren’t wanting to turn. Kind of amazing when I think of it. Unless marked otherwise, all are right-on-red.
People not turning left unless they have an arrow will get me honking though. Almost always a foreigner.
The thing that really gets my goat is when I’m on a divided highway with two lanes on each side. There are signs every so often that tell you the left lane is for passing only. The people driving in it and matching the car in the slow lane really gets to me. Often an out of state plate, but not always.
The nicest thing you can do is tailgate them and flash your lights. No guarantee – some people are doing it on purpose to fuck with everyone like they are some kind of traffic controller – but it often works. 1 in 10 will slow down to fuck with you even more, but at least a gap is made and one of us will make it by him.
Considering going James Bond on their ass and mounting .22s in the bumper to give them a flat.
As far the DGAS drivers blocking traffic – having a few old eggs to toss around could be helpful. At least a little satisfaction that their paint job is effd up if they don’t go wash it quickly.
After it lands just gaze off in the distance like you have no idea what just happened. 😉
Maloy on Adam 12 set a pretty good example for mirror checking intervals.>>>
YES! What a reference!.
That always impressed me.
Martin Milner got that so right.
@RosalindJ:
Well, then, the helmet doesn’t much matter if there’s that little to safeguard. (-:
@ riverlife_callie. John Nestor (spit) will live in infamy, though he shuffled this mortal coil in ’99. I had been caught up more than once in his wake.
https://www.washingtonpost.com/archive/lifestyle/1984/11/21/john-nestor-strife-in-the-fast-lane/177dbb31-aeed-499e-8be4-9de519efd37a/
“There are scenarios where I do leave a large gap in front of me in slowed to stalled traffic.”
#1 rule I have in stopped/slow traffic – always ALWAYS keep the rear tires in front of you visible. You’ll always be able to go around them if you need to and not be stuck if something happens.
People that don’t do this are the ones locked in behind a stalled car waiting for space to back up. I’ve had my space used by the guy in front of me backing up when I didn’t notice there was a breakdown in front of everyone, but right after he leaves I have 3 times the space I had before and can easily leave.
Here in the Summer, it is highly likely some car will get overheated and the hood comes up at the stoplight. Account for that and you’ll be fine.
Uncle Al I miss understood your posts. I’m with you. What Fur described really, in my book, was someone going out of his way to be inconsiderate. It’s like a liberal. they are all about caring and charity as long as they don’t have to lift a finger to help or even investigate what disaster their position actually creates.
I should refine what to look for with the tires in front of you – being able to see where those rear tires touch the road, not just any part of the tires.
@ BFH, these are not bad areas. Oddly, even when I was regularly driving in the vibrant areas of Boston, people really tightened up because traffic was very dense. If I pulled what the people here have started, I would have been in fear of my life.
Sorry. I can’t relate. I escaped suburbia on purpose and I can get from my house in Hanover County to the Appalachian trail, over 2 hours of driving without encountering a single traffic light. I can also bust some caps right outside my door if I need to blow off some steam.
But I hear you. Used to do the DC commute and the Boston commute. A totally miserable experience.
I recall a moment in northern Virginia where an immensely illegal 3 lane left turn cut me off, and an accident was avoided due to my awareness and the offending car had a magnetic sign that read…
SAIGON DRIVING SCHOOL
“Fecal Gherkin is my new favorite term!”
oh yeah … just ignore the Dills & the much maligned Bread & Butters! … 😉
What Fur described really, in my book, was someone going out of his way to be inconsiderate. >>
I don’t think Phuzzy is going out of his way, or doing anything proactive to make me rant.
He said he just doesn’t care what my gripe is.
And, honestly, he’s not breaking the law.
But I like a good rant.
Sorta like complaining about Trump in order to make him go more right-wing.
😉
@Dadof4 , I was just going to post that about the rear tires. Thinking alike again. lol. I’ll post it anyway.
I was taught, in L.A., that you should be able to see the bottoms of the rear tires on the vehicle in front of you at a stop light. So that’s the way I usually space at a light.
I’ve also noticed I’m usually the only guy doing that. If a car rams into another car in the line that you’re in, you are less likely to take damage that way.
Here’s another example of idiocy in motion.
I’m coming out of a side street intersection, going left to right, heading for a highway on ramp, blinkers on. . . This idjit comes roaring up from far back, and he honks at me as he passes me (ignoring my blinkers?). The last laugh was on Mr Hurry Up, as he got stopped at a light at the on ramp intersection. I wish I could have gotten out and laughed at him as I was keying his car, but I had to continue on.
Unruly, At times it has been the only space to break up a jam. So it helps everyone.
In the valley around Phoenix, the main roads are one mile apart in a grid pattern. Most have 2 lanes per side, many have 3 plus a center turn lane.
The lights are timed for travel at 45 MPH. Brilliant design, very efficient when I am the only driver around, or during commuting hours when we all know how to drive and be considerate of others.
The Arizona shitpickles do the same thing that BFH says. When I see a Q-Tip in a Buick, I add 5 minutes to my commute.
Also, when I am doing errands on weekend, why are all the old(er than me) geezers out and about and in my way. They have all F*#king week to get their shit done.
Oh, the red lights here are only 2 minutes long. I get pissed only 2/3 as long as BFH does.
Moxie Man, Sherman Way in the San Fernando valley was set up that way for miles. The speed was 35 mph there. It sure is nicer when the traffic keeps moving along.
RosalindJ – I’d never heard of Nestor before, but what a self-righteous little twit he sounded like. Just like the guy in my story. I hate road monitors.
“I’m the same when entering a building or a restaurant, or any big venue. I check out escape routes. ”
“It’s just the way I am.”
“I know. I’m a weirdo.”
No. You just haven’t recognized your inner cowboy yet.
You play poker and you don’t sit with your back to the door.
We call that smart around these parts.
1. You’re in Florida. Ain’t real sure, but I don’t think ‘Handicapped’ tags mean a thing in FLA … as practically anyone that resides there is eligible. Once was picked up hitch-hiking through Bradenton by a guy who asked me if I could see to the next block …. cause he was lost & couldn’t see far enough to read the street signs
2. If you’re in FLA never, EVER park your car close to the malls or supermarkets. If you do, don’t complain about the shopping cart dings or the car dents & paint scrapes you will most certainly get … discarded bumpers are a common sight along the parking medians
3. My biggest peeve is people that will not pull out in a Merge Lane … it’s a freakin’ Merge Lane … it’s ok! …. Move your freakin’ ass!
4. If there is only you two at the light, I think that’s grounds for going into the center lane & making a right-hand turn around Mr. Oblivious anyway …. even the cops will probably let you off if you explained it to them ………… probably …. maybe … at least the judge will be sympathetic … maybe
5. always …. ALWAYS … give yourself enough room behind the car in front of you to maneuver around … ya just never know what’s going on up there. Give yourself enough room to get the f*ck out of Dodge.
6. Once knew a guy that insisted on going 55 in the fast lane on the DC/Baltimore highways … including the Interstates (95, 495, 295, 270, etc.) … he was run off the road by semi’s & haulers on 4 separate occasions that I knew of … just so he could prove a point that the speed limit was 55 … the point lost … he actually did this driving a 1976 Ford Pinto … real ‘flaming’ asshole
7. In CDL class I was marked down for not checking my side rear-views every 6 seconds … was having too much fun driving & yakking w/ the instructor.
8. remember … everyone in front of you is an asshole, everyone behind you is a phuckin’ idiot.
9. … everyone next to you is ‘competition’ …. Daytona baby!
@Mokie ~ “… when I am doing errands on weekend, why are all the old(er than me) geezers out and about and in my way.”
… it’s because you’re a red Sawx fan …. ’nuff said … 😉
Dadof4, I’ve used that space many times at railroad crossings when they park the damn train while the engineer and the brakeman are 69ing or whatever the hell they are doing, changing cars or spray painting their gang logos on a boxcar …
^^^ to turn around
I laid on my horn this morning. I was driving through an intersection and I had the green light going straight. A dip shit pickle was turning into my lane from the right in a YIELD lane. She never slowed down – I had to. I had the green light and she had the red light. I mentioned this before, but drivers in Minnesota do not know what the word YIELD means.
And this thing about being aware of what’s around you – brilliant. It’s not just to keep you from being the recipient of some idiot who is not paying attention, but also to anticipate where you are going and what lane you should be in to get there.
There are roads that have excellent signage telling you what the road will do up ahead. You know where you are going. If the right lane you are in turns off to the right and becomes an entrance lane for another road and you don’t want to turn onto that road, maybe you should have moved over when that huge sign two miles back told you it became an exit lane.
From my years of driving, I can sometimes tell when someone isn’t paying attention and tries to move over ahead of me. I keep close to the car in front of me to not let them in. I know, that seems mean. But then I imagine it’s Hillary Clinton, and I’m ok with being a jerk.
Unruly, yup. Have a couple of train crossings near my home. Same thing, but after 33 years I know when to not even try to cross in those places. 3pm? Check the tracks along the way and keep driving past the normal route if it’s occupied. 8:30am? Not getting out of the neighborhood that way. Those tracks are for a rail yard nearby. Like clockwork, you can expect blockage.
My driving pet peeve is that when I’m in an unfamiliar area and get into the wrong lane to turn. You know that turn, it’s the double lane turn when you want that exit or entrance that is closer to the lane you didn’t choose? Anyway, the part that burns my britches is when I roll down my window to give the friendly “can I cut in front of you and get into your lane cuz I’m a dumb jerk who got into the wrong lane” wave and the millennial whom I am waving to is too busy playing his/her Pokemon texting Tinder Twitter smartphone kiss kiss to see me begging for drivers mercy. Solution? Gun it, of course. I would very much like to avoid putting the petal to the metal but it is what it is. Luckily millennials don’t get mad or honk as they are too buried into their phone screens to notice. In fact they most likely appreciate the tire squeal to let them know to look up from the phone and drive.
riverlife_callie, the man was a hazard, a local legend among those who kept up with the news, and an epithet. Let’s say his driving was an indicator of his professional life as well. He was recognized by Ralph Nader at the end of his career in the drug approval department. He never approved one. Not once. Traffic engineers were going batty trying to figure out just what in the hell was going on during commuter hours in that section of the beltway.
That whole merge/yield thing? I recently confronted someone in a store (it’s a bit long to describe, but the degree of life-threatening mo-ron moves this guy did was boggling), to inform him I was the person waiting to turn left, when he slid off the yield lane, in to congestion across two lanes of traffic, turned directly in front of me, in front of oncoming traffic to get into the store parking lot. He was unclear on the concept, and I was compelled to say (after practically shorting out my brain-mouth connection because he was so oblivious) “Yield means YOU. He’s lucky it was I who had an opportunity to address him. There were about 12 other cars moving nimbly all of a sudden to avoid the consequences of his apparent death wish.
Lol did I say petal instead of pedal? That’s new heehee. Lay a rose on the gas pedal. Pardon the typo
On Friday, I was given an anonymous video tape showing in-car footage of a Cadillac speedometer tipping past the 45mph mark. The driver had gray hair and could barely see over the wheel, the car appeared to be traveling down US 41 just south of Bee Ridge Rd. In Sarasota, Florida
After further investigation it was reveled that the speedometer had been rigged and the video a complete setup, the car was actually going what we estimate to be around 32mph. A special thanks goes out to my crack team of investigators for exposing this fraud.
Fuzzy: “someone so clueless they didn’t leave home 5 minutes earlier so they wouldn’t be stuck behind him.”
Fuzzy logic indeed.
We used to have stoplights where I live. They were taken out 13 years ago after the state Department of Transportation said we didn’t have enough traffic to warrant them. That may be true but it’s been a real cluster since then. Who knew four-way stops could be so confusing to so many?
“Who knew four-way stops could be so confusing to so many? ”
Me: Just GOOOOOO. You got here 5 seconds before me and there’s no one else here. GOOOOO. Gaaaaah!!!!
I hate it when people are doing their fingernails when I’m doing my toenails on the freeway.
“I don’t know if this is still true, but at the time I think people could be ticketed for this, even though they were going the speed limit, because they were a traffic hazard. Besides, it’s just common courtesy, don’t you think? Something that seems to be in short supply these days. In Fur’s example above, how would being courteous and moving to the left one lane put you in danger of a ticket?” – riverlife_callie
Yes, you can be ticketed for going too slow if you’re causing a hazard just like you can be ticketed for going the speed limit if it’s hazardous such as in snow. I _do_ watch all around me when I drive and if I noticed he was going to turn AND there was time to do so I might change lanes… or I might not, depending on how close to the light I was when it changed to yellow. Moving left one lane wouldn’t risk a ticket – never said it would – but zagging over quickly might.
I use the “slow speed lane” because, duh, I’m usually going slower than most and it inconveniences the fewest people. I don’t care if you go warp 9 because that’s your business as long as you don’t endanger me.
“I don’t think Phuzzy is going out of his way, or doing anything proactive to make me rant.
He said he just doesn’t care what my gripe is.”
Fur, if I knew it was YOU coming up behind me, not only would I move over, I’d pull out into the intersection to ensure cross traffic couldn’t t-bone you. It’s just the hoipolloi I’m not too concerned about. 😀
And that’s really the bottom line for me. I drive around 1000 miles a week and see stuff you wouldn’t believe, including being crapped on by shitpickles every day. While I’m always courteous, I don’t go out of my way to go out of my way, so to speak.
My pet peeve is following some shithead doing 5 under the speed limit, UNTIL we get to a passing lane, and then he suddenly finds the skinny pedal and the race is on.
“Me: Just GOOOOOO. You got here 5 seconds before me and there’s no one else here. GOOOOO. Gaaaaah!!!! ”
YES!! Argh!
This is one of those “overly safe” drivers that cause more problems than they try to avoid. They often want to wait until there is NO opposing traffic. They need to get off the road if they can’t get this simple stuff right.
The “won’t turn unless they have a green arrow” is a close relative. ARGH! Ready the rotten eggs for launching!
just don’t drive behind my band’s trailer
BIG FUR and the FECAL GHERKINS
it’s worse than you think
BFH – You were in one of three places for that shit to happen – 1) Port St Lucie Blvd/ Gatlin Blvd
2) St Lucie West Blvd/ Prima Vista Blvd
3) Crosstown Parkway
The endless stream of assholishness in that town will never cease. I mean this well…but GTFO.
I used to live right on PSL Blvd, right near the intersection at Del Rio. One Friday night I was awakened by the sound of squealing tires from street racers and then the horrific sound of a car rolling end over end thru my front yard and smashing into a huge utility pole, snapping it in half. The driver had been thrown out of the….wait for it….piece of shit Ford Explorer he’d been racing in. As I went outside I found him sprawled bloody and broken in my driveway. As the EMT’s kept working on him I kept screaming at the feckless fuck for waking me up the night before a big fishing tournament, fucking up my landscaping and knocking out the power to my crib. Finally, a cop got worried that I was going to kick the little shit’s ribs and hustled me away. I had the EMT’s cracking up from some of the shit I was saying.
GTFO of Port St Lucie. Trust me.
Amazing.
Every man is the hero of his own story.
Most drivers are the exact Center of the Universe.
Goofy (the cartoon character) did a short about how a really nice guy becomes an absolute jerk when he gets behind the wheel. True then, as now.
izlamo delenda est …
Just catching up reading old threads.
Fur, everything you wrote here I have said a thousand times to those around me.
God, what a world it would be to be oblivious like those idiot drivers that don’t anticipate shit and just don’t fucking care about being courteous.
Your fellow misanthrope – Loco