Most readers can tell that I’m up in the wee hours of the morning. In fact, it’s 10 minutes to Cannon on Me TV.
Cannon was another in a long line of “defective detective” shows. In the 70s you couldn’t be a detective, or a lawyer, or a cop unless you were blind (Longstreet), too old (Barnaby Jones), too young (The Rookies and The Mod Squad), crippled (Ironside), a Hayseed (McCloud) or overweight (Cannon).
Cannon is a cut above because William Conrad is so good. What’s not to like? He tools around in a Lincoln Mark IV, and if the going gets tough, Cannon attempts to run, realizes it’s futile, so he pulls out his hand canon and puts down the bad guy. He never gets the girl. It’s just all about solving the case with no nonsense.
The most entertaining part of Cannon is to see how the writers are going to have someone call Cannon fat. It happens every episode, and it’s insane how brutal they are.
Last night Cannon showed up to grill a suspect and the guy sneers, “Let me guess. No more weight requirements at the academy?”
Geez.
One time he showed up at a doctor’s office and the angry doctor asks, “what are you here for, a nose job? Or do you want one of those chins removed?”
Wow.
Another memorable moment was when a boy was reluctant to talk to Cannon about a crime he witnessed. Cannon starts asking, “are you nervous because I’m a detective?” The kid shakes his head. “Are you nervous because I have a mustache?” The kid shakes his head. Cannon then goes there, he insults himself. “Are you nervous because I’m so fat?” The question was bizarre enough, but when the kid nods yes you wonder if the writers get a special bonus if they can work in Cannon’s girth.
It’s a clever twist. Other 70s detectives had their own catch phrases. Kojak had “who loves ya’ baby?”
Columbo had “uhhhh, just one more thing.”
Baretta had, “and that’s the name of that tune.” (???)
The catch phrase on Cannon was everyone else’s. Someone on the show is going to call him fat.
I’m surprised no SJW has had the show pulled off of Me TV for its unabashed fat shaming. The thing of it is, Cannon is not all that fat. It shows you how much bigger our society has become in the last 40 years. He’s overweight, for sure, but everyone in the show treats him as if he belongs in the circus. I see at least 20 people every time I go out that are the same size as Cannon, or bigger.
Okay, gotta run. It’s on and I have to see how they work in a gratuitous blubber reference.
Cannon, Kojak, and Shaft were my favorites. Didn’t know Shaft was also a tv series? You damn right.
William Conrad had a voice for radio such as Marshall Dillon on Gunsmoke, CBS Radio Workshop etc. and as a narrator for Rocky and Bullwinkle. He also played heavies AKA bad guys in some film noir movies in the late 40’s. He was also a bigger bad ass as Marshall Dillon on the radio than James Arness was on TV, his deep voice was so much more menacing when he was pissed at the bad guys.
He was also great, and thinner, as an Argentinian bureaucrat in The Naked Jungle with Chuck Heston and a couple billion ants.
My mother has gotten hooked on Cannon recently. Says she used to watch it while she baby sat. It’s alright, but nothing tops Columbo for me.
I get Mannix right before Cannon.
I like his Challenger and Peggy is cute.
geoff – Funny… I just got thru listening to the old radio version of Gunsmoke this morning before I got up, and yes they are great with William Conrad’s voice!
I vaguely remember Cannon. And I never knew he was the brunt of fat shaming in every episode. Remember when you couldn’t DVR or record your favorite shows? I think that’s why I didn’t watch a lot of tee vee; because you had to remember what night/time a particular show was on and I never could.
Fur, if you think you see fat people everywhere today, it’s because you (we) do. We’re moving rapidly toward 50% of ALL Americans being either overweight or obese. Stop eating sugar/simple carbs and start eating healthy fats. You’ll change the way your body burns what you eat instead of storing it.
My favorite Cannon moment involved him in some underwater intrigue. He was portrayed as scuba diving,darting around the deep like a dolphin. Clearly a guy in a fat /wetsuit.
William Conrad probably couldn’t walk 30 feet without having chest pains.
He was fat.
I love these little chats
Lol I bet the Mad Magazine parody was called “Cannonball”.
Remember “Longstreet”, the blind detective? I know for a fact that his Mad Magazine parody was called “Longshot”.
This is so weird, the local radio show that I listen to was just talking about the off beat detective from the 70s yesterday and mentioned everyone that BFH did. Hmmmm. I loved all those guys plus Quincy, M.E. (not really a detective but defective nonetheless).
Kolchack was my favorite. I loved The Night Stalker.
BFH, I thought you’d moved to FLA not WIS. Of course after 6 months of being snowbound, I’m a good one to talk about people being overweight around here.
Watch the first 20 minutes or so of “The Killers” (1946) when it’s on TBS sometime. Conrad and McGraw steal the whole movie at the beginning when the two playing hit men walk into a dinner and take over.
I loved the ’70’s, because the cars were BIG enough for actors like Conrad to GET around in (watch Joe Don Baker in “Mitchell” sometime – preferably, the MST3k version! 😛 Watch his Mercury switch back and forth from a ’68 to a ’67 during the chase scene. 😛 ).
Can you imagine a remake today, with Cannon TRYING to get into that shitbox Lincoln MKZ. If he EVER got in it, he’d NEVER get out of it again. And that anemic engine – with the same displacement as a big bottle of Mountain Dew – would make for some SMOKIN’ 30mph chase scenes. 🙄
SERIOUSLY… that engine was be POURING smoke, TRYING to race around and pull him in it! 😳
isn’t this the formula for all the crime scene investigation shows they have replaced them with too ?
“In the 70s you couldn’t be a detective, or a lawyer, or a cop unless you were blind (Longstreet), too old (Barnaby Jones), too young (The Rookies and The Mod Squad), crippled (Ironside), a Hayseed (McCloud) or overweight (Cannon).”
except now it’s abnormal sexuality or some neurosis they showcase not a handicap you have been afflicted with.
Loved Cannon.
And he was great in Naked Jungle. Even put Chuck Heston in his place playing the courtly gentleman to Eleanor Parker (who is absolutely succulent in the pic).
Of course, my absolute favorite is Rockford but this BFH rant was hilarious.
One hysterical aspect of the 1970s was that, no matter how much money you spent to get the highest-end luxury car, you were still getting a giant piece of crap.
Conrad was a different kinda fat than you see today…all in his belly as opposed to lower gut.
I’ve noticed that Cannon walked and stood mostly with his hands in either his jacket or pants pockets, no doubt to prevent the proverbial pants on the ground.
He had a phone in his car way back then!
Mannix wasn’t defective, though it seemed like he got a concussion in every episode. He did have a black secretary, so there’s that.
Even the name would now be “triggering.”
Poor l’il snowflakes wouldn’t know whether to shit or go blind.
izlamo delenda est …
Correction Turner Classic Movies, TCM not TBS.
“I see at least 20 people every time I go out that are the same size as Cannon, or bigger.”
Calmly and rationally persuade them to steer clear of pedestrian bridges.
You can’t beat the theme songs from that era.
Broderick Crawford was my favorite detective, but Highway Patrol was on in the late 50s.
For the 70s detectives, Rockford, Cannon and Mannix.
I watched Cannon when it first aired.
He had quite a career.
http://www.tvguide.com/celebrities/william-conrad/credits/179124
What makes these 70s detective shows so great is that the stars of the shows are stellar actors – including the supporting cast.
I watch Cannon, Mannix, Ironside, and other classic “gumshoe” detective and private investigator shows on a regular basis, but Columbo and Kojak are my favorites.
Gotta agree with Claudia. Highway Patrol was my favorite too. Remember “2150 to Headquarters”? Classic line.
Badco
BTW, everytime they crash or wreck one of those beautiful, now classic cars, I cringe. Would love to have one of those, right off the sales floor, today.
About Mannix: I didn’t recall a Challenger, I remember the Dart convertible. But their were a few:
http://www.curbsideclassic.com/uncategorized/curbside-tv-the-cars-of-mannix/
Hey Quinn!?! Where’s Martin!??!
Mannix gets a concussion every episode… that’s hilarious.. and true.
I like the opening credits of Mannix where they imply all of these situations Mannix has been in before. 1/8th of any of these things happening to anyone today and they’s be in counseling with PTSD.
Back in the 60’s the guy down the street, his last name was Cannon.
And they were some damn good marksmen. 50 yd shots with 2 inch barrrel snubnose pistol.
Thanks god for METV for those old shows.
65 years ago I thought he was great as The Marshall. 2 years later I was unhappy, at first, he did not get the TV show. But, Gunsmoke was the most successful TV show ever, to date. So the producers clearly made the right choice.
65 years ago I thought Webb was better on the radio than he later was on TV – Dragnet>
Showing my age – thinks radio better than TV – what a hoot!
Burke’s Law, tooled around in a Rolls. I remember nothing else about it.
One of my favorite things about watching these old shows is that there is nothing new under the sun.
So many things I thought came about in the past twenty years were actual plot references back in the 50’s and 60’s.
I’m currently hooked on the daily-double of Wild Wild West and the original Hawaii 5-0.
James West and Steve McGarrett are my man crush these days.
Ha! I love Cannon and Mannix. But in the nightly line up I cannot stand 77 Sunset Strip and Perry Mason. Can’t stand Raymond Burr entirely.
Re: The old cars, no one is at a car show hoping to see a 1970s Nissan.
MJA, I think a 1970’s Nissan is called a Datsun. 🙂
I wouldn’t mind a restored 280Z…
I love METV!!!
There are a couple of networks that run the old shows.
They are the best.
Hawaii Five O
Hunter
Cannon of course
Barney Miller
Night Court
I love MeTV. I live the old shows. I watched Cannon every week back in the 70s. It was comical watching him run 20 feet. A guy in a wheelchair would have beat him in a race.
You would get run out of town if you wrote shows today with characters like Rooster the Pimp in Baretta.
“MJA, I think a 1970’s Nissan is called a Datsun”
Yep. Bought a brand new `77 Datsun B210+
Damn thing made gas. 33 in the city and 45 on the highway is what I got out of it. The sticker said 38 and 50. I would have bet the farm that we’d be driving vehicles with a minimum of 50 mpg by now. WTH happened?
Little manufacturer plate on the door frame: Nissan Corp
Never heard of and never knew until then.
Every B210 that ever died went to Mexico to become a cab!!
Conrad played the part of a strange TV show host in the movie “Brotherhood Of The Bell”.
Watch the full movie here:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AaYmjDYGDwU
Conrad is at 1:15:00
Has anyone here mentioned Hawaii 5-0? We once stayed in friends’ condo on Oahu where Steve McGarrett (Jack Lord) lived two doors down on the same floor. This was a while back and one day we were coming in when someone was delivering a script to him. Never really watched his show (see above), but it was fun. “Book ’em Danno.”
https://youtu.be/JB4lDmlCLoI?t=118