Choosing a Spouse

A man wanted to get married. He was having trouble choosing among three likely candidates. He gives each woman a present of $5,000 and watches to see what they do with the money.

dollar bill 5000

The first does a total makeover. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done, new makeup; buys several new outfits and dresses up very nicely for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much.

The man was impressed.


The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much.

Again, the man is impressed.

The third invests the money in the stock market. She earns several times the $5,000. She gives him back his $5,000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much.

Obviously, the man was impressed.

The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money he’d given her.

Then he married the one with the biggest tits.

Men are like that, you know.

h/t Doc.

20 Comments on Choosing a Spouse

  1. From a different perspective –

    A husband and wife were having dinner at a very fine restaurant when this absolutely stunning young woman comes over to their table, gives the husband a big french kiss, then says she’ll see him later and walks away.

    The wife glares at her husband and says, “Who the hell was that?”

    “Oh,” replies the husband, “she’s my mistress.”

    “Well, that’s the last straw,” says the wife. “I’ve had enough. I want a divorce!”

    I can understand that,“ replies her husband, “but remember, if we get a divorce it will mean no more shopping trips to Paris, no more wintering in Barbados, no more summers in Tuscany, no more Infiniti or Lexus in the garage and no more yacht club. But the decision is yours.”

    Just then, a mutual friend enters the restaurant with a gorgeous babe on his arm.

    “Who’s that woman with Jim?” asks the wife.

    “That’s his mistress,” says her husband.

    “Ours is prettier,” she replies.

  2. There is a similar joke about one job applicant who has a master’s degree in a relevant field and five years of experience, another who has a bachelor’s degree in a relevant field and ten years’ experience, and a third with no experience but a freshly minted B.A. from an Ivy League college.

    As a double mastectomee who once sent out 4,500 resumes just to get a crappy office job working for a nasty cheapskate, I can confirm that the joke is true. Why do you think I took the civil service exam?

  3. I married the one who was a go-getter who made a bunch of money in sales and bought her own “upgrades” so we could both benefit from them!

  4. The whole notion is ludicrous, and it’s offensive to working men and women alike!!! I mean where the hell would a man come up with 15 grand of disposable income in this stinking 7th year of the Obama Recession? How many “Funemployment” checks would you have to save to get $15,000?

  5. Needless to say, if I had $15,00 to throw around like that, the LAST thing I’d be looking for is a wife.

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