I am getting thoroughly sick and tired of hearing from “Steve from Microsoft” calling me at all hours, with his Indian accent and repetitive line of bullsh!t…
The rant isĀ here
22 Comments on “Dear Microsoft, You have a problem. A very big problem.”
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I like to get high and watch this video
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=ytAKrltE5iE
OK I’m not high, I’m in Taiwan
I do a fair Indian accent so I tell them I’m running a store and don’t have time to stop and talk to them.
Y’all bookmark Matt’s new site. He’s an old friend and has a very unique view of the world, and can rant with the best of them. You won’t be sorry!
“For all that, they still manage to create a (marginally-) superior product. (all you Apple people can suck it).”
Hah! BRAVO!
I never need to deal with calls like this. If you’re not in my 900+ saved numbers – you’re leaving a message.
Back in the 80s I took care of an apartment complex with about 100 families from India. All were Christian converts. All had English names. Heavy Indian accents made it funny. Hearing “Hi I’m Steve” in that accent, it was hard not to giggle but I had respect for them.
The name Ben Franklin was popular.
Two things many did were very different from American custom. Some would have a shrine in a foil-lined closet where they burned candles. Fire hazard.
Almost all would store food under the kitchen sink. o.0
Unknown caller with thick Indian accect, “Hello, my name is David Smith, and I’m calling to…”
Me, “Hi David. I’m Hadji Patel. How the hell are you?”
*silence* Then I hang up.
How many of Microsoft’s REAL employees are “Steve”s?
I actually did this once.
“Hi, is this Mr. Flip?”
“Yes.”
“Hi Mr. Flip, I’m calling from XYZ Company. How are you doing today?”
“Well, my back went out again yesterday while I was cutting grass. It hurts like hell but you know you have to keep up with the grass or it takes over, but the thing that’s really bothering me is that bunion on my left foot, but then I have my daughter to worry about since she’s running with a bad crowd, and as a result I won’t let her use the car and now she’s mad at me and complained to her mother, and now she’s mad at me too, and later today I have to drop what I’m doing and take the cat to the vet, and that’s not the worst, there’s -”
“Click”
I just tell them to come blow me, in a Simpsonesk Indian accent of course.
I always ask if I could have their home numbers to call back when I am available to deal with their call.
“click”
I just explain that once my knob’s been gobbled, there’s no more BIG problem; capisce?
I tell them I don’t own a computer. They seem fascinated by that.
Prolonged pressing of any number on the keyboard keyboard seems to be a deterrent….
Whenever I get this call from “Skip” I go into my impression of Super Dumb Guy. It’s only a matter of time before “Skip” is pulling his hair out and realizes he’s not getting anywhere. You cannot stop them from calling. All you can do is to waste THEIR time. Sometimes my closer is, “Just one question: Since I have a Mac, how in the world are you seeing my Microsoft Operating System?”
I haven’t had a call from “Steve” with Microsoft since I started using this:
https://www.nomorobo.com/
Almost kinda miss ’em now.
But not enough to go back.
I don’t answer any number I don’t recognize.
(and I recognize fewer with each passing day)
Fuck em. Fuck their mamas – with a six-pack on the side.
Oh … and Windows 10 sux 25% worse than Windows 8.
Worthless fukkin assholes ought to go back to Windows 98.
izlamo delenda est …
i ask them “which one?…i have four computers”….one guy had the nerve you yell at me “why are you lying to me, you do NOT have four computers”…..that was before i got the old one fixed, so now i have five…..lol
TO yell at me…..yes, we DO need edit…….
The call I got yesterday went the following way:
[Phone rings]
[I pick up and listen]
[Two second delay, always a good indication that this call is coming from a call centre harasser. Their phone system automatically dials potential marks, then if someone answers the call gets routed to the first available operator. If you pick up and nobody answers, all their operators are busy on other sales calls, and you are left with nobody on the phone talking to you. No problem from their point of view, and your phone number is probably flagged as someone who will answer the phone and prioritised for a later attempt.]
Me: “Hello?”
Caller: “Ni hao ma?” (How are you? in Chinese)
[Slight delay as I realise it’s using a database correlating the dialled number with the name of the owner of the phone service, not me, to target Chinese speakers]
Me: “Hello?”
Caller: “Do you speak Chinese?” [in English]
Me: “No”
[I hang up immediately]
I probably should have replied “Ich spreche Deutsches, tun Sie?”, or just said “Yes” and wing it from there even though I speak no Chinese (or German). Anything to waste their time and make their business less profitable, as long as I have the time to play phone games. The other thing you can try to do is get them to answer completely irrelevant questions since many of the ‘more ethical’ operators are not permitted to hang up on you unless you are rude or abusive since their company records and monitors their calls. Your question, “Do you not want to answer my questions?” is a good one since they really aren’t supposed to say “No”, and then you get to ask more irrelevant questions to waste their time (and yours).
watchman – you should have said “Yes, I’d like a large General Tso’s with fried rice and egg roll. But how did you know I was craving chinese food??!??! That is a GREAT trick!”
I usually ask them for the MAC address of the computer they’re calling about. That ends the calls from there, because they don’t have it and never would. Sometimes if I’m bored, I call them back and ask why are you fucking with my users computers? That’s a show stopper. š š¤£ š¤ š© š¤”
The last one I picked up I told him I have no
windows, and he asks why I have no windows and I
say because I live in a bomb shelter. Then I offered
to send him bombs as a present. He hung up first.