Fisking the Caveman

Alan Grayson has proposed a new Declaration of Independence:

We hereby declare our independence from bigotry, in all its evil forms. We declare our independence from racism, sexism, homophobia, language discrimination and chauvinism. Everyone has equal rights, no matter where you’re from, what you look like, what language you speak, and whom you love. Everyone deserves respect.

How are you going to stop blacks from being racist, or feminists from being sexist? I want to hear your plan.

You say everyone has equal rights, no matter where they’re from. Are you saying that an illegal alien in America has the same rights as a legal citizen? Why should I be an American citizen? What is the importance?

Everyone deserves respect? Who says? More people than not do not deserve my respect. That’s me exercising my 1st amendment right.

We hereby declare our independence from narrow-minded, extremist or violent religious fundamentalism. We live in a land where church and state are separate. Religious belief, no matter how sincere, is no license to dictate to others whether to terminate a pregnancy, whether to use contraception, or whom to marry. Earlier this year, I placed my hand on the Bible and swore to uphold the Constitution; I didn’t place my hand on the Constitution and swear to uphold the Bible.

You say that religious belief, no matter how sincere, is no license to dictate to others whether to terminate a pregnancy.

I say that secularism, no matter how sincere, is no license to dictate to the religious that they pay for what they consider murder. Why can’t religious people declare independence from the murder of babies, or the marriage of queers? Why do you insist they participate?

We hereby declare our independence from the greedy. Malefactors of great wealth have no right to buy and sell elected officials thorough the legalized bribery of “independent expenditures.” They have no right to despoil our land and our water, the air we breathe and the food we eat. They have no right to manipulate or gut our laws in order to increase their lucre. They have no right to jack up the price of what we buy, or determine what we see on TV or on our computer screen.

The government has no right to control our land and our water, the air we breathe and the food we eat. Rid us the EPA, and rid us Michelle Obama.

We hereby declare our independence from 1984-style surveillance. Neither the government nor a private company has any reason to monitor the activities of innocent people, without their express, informed and freely given consent. Who I’m with, what I say, what I buy, what I read; that’s none of anyone else’s business. Privacy — the fundamental right to be left alone — is an essential part of what it means to be a human being

The Obama administration has specifically used the IRS to intimidate, control, terrorize and destroy people by monitoring, scrutinizing and questioning their free association with people and organizations. And this is only one example of the left’s 1984-style tyranny.

We hereby declare our independence from exploitation. Bad bosses are today’s King George. They want to work employees as hard as they can, and pay them as little as possible in return. They call the difference profit. If workers are organized, they can fight back. But if not, then they need legal protection from exploitation. If you have a job, you should have a living wage, and time-and-a-half for overtime. If you have a job, you should have health coverage. If you have a job, you should have paid sick leave. If you have a job, you should have a pension. As John Mellencamp would say, “Ain’t that America?”

Yes. An illegal alien with an IQ of 68 should have a living wage, health insurance and a pension for bringing to the marketplace a skill set that a monkey can perform. This will in no way usher in Idiocracy and Greece-like global collapse.

We hereby declare our independence from misinformation. Fox News is a lie factory. Special interests used to lie to us about the dangers of smoking; now they lie to us about the dangers of pollution and climate disruption. They claim a right to “free speech,” but we have a right to honest speech. We have to be part of what a Reagan aide once dismissed as the “reality-based community.”

Talk about 1984-style tyranny. Alan Grayson is now in charge of the truth ministry, freeing us from thought that Alan Grayson doesn’t agree with.

No, Alan Grayson is in no way dangerous.

We hereby declare our independence from hubris. No, we can’t bring peace through war. No, we can’t force our way of life or our way of thinking on seven billion other people. No, we aren’t going to end the 1200-year-old civil war between the Sunnis and the Shia. No, we aren’t going to go and kill everyone everywhere in the world who harbors some harsh views of us. And no, they won’t greet our soldiers with flowers, bake apple pies for them, and salute the American flag with a hand on their hearts. They want to be them, not us. We can care for victims, protect ourselves and help our friends without sticking our nose into every else’s business.

Independence from hubris is independence from Alan Grayson. When he got to the part about not sticking our noses into every else’s business I almost laughed up a kidney.

This guy is as insane as he is narcissistic.