HEAVEN—Remorseful for using terms that fly in the face of contemporary progressive sensibilities, God Almighty issued an apology Tuesday for the gendered language found throughout His Word, the Holy Bible.
“The fact that gendered language has been non-offensive for millennia is no excuse, since through my omniscience I knew that by the time the 21st Century rolled around it would no longer be considered acceptable,” the statement, miraculously delivered through a heavenly messenger, read in part.
“Please accept my deepest and most sincere apologies for using such offensive terminology when describing humankind and myself throughout the pages of Scripture, and feel free to edit the eternal Word of God so that it aligns more closely with your current, advanced understanding of the nature of things,” he continued, adding that it was never His intention to advance the agenda of the patriarchy.
“My choices were unfortunate and regrettable, and I have no intention of trying to mansplain them away. I will do better.”
(S(he has spoken
Next time, he’ll ask for Moses’s wife to deliver the Ten Suggestions.
FASCIST CONTROL SPEECH
It’s not about guns, it’s about control.
P.C. isn’t about language, it’s about whether they can engineer something, then force you to accept it. Then if you do, it’s on to more engineering.
God does not apologize. He does occasionally flood the earth eliminating all but a few chosen or rain down fire and brimstone (Hint for Californians) and wipe your cultures off the map. It’s not a very good idea to taunt an omnipotent power. History shows this repeatedly.
Remember this one? “The Bible says it – I believe it – that settles it.” And the “I believe it” part is optional.
Next we’ll hear that Sodom and Gomorrah was the Garden of Eden.
Catastrophic floods, fires covering millions of acres, Cat-5 hurricanes and typhoons, killer earthquakes, mudslides, avalanches, super volcanoes burying cities in ash, tsunamis wiping out whole countries, bolides, asteroids, super novas and gamma ray bursts killing life all over the planet…
God: “Oh, sorry! My fault! Bwahahahahahaha!!! Losers.”