Government Announces Lockdown Of All Fast-Food Restaurants To Prevent Heart Disease – BB – IOTW Report

Government Announces Lockdown Of All Fast-Food Restaurants To Prevent Heart Disease – BB

This is not a farce or an absurdity. Is this so far behind once these fascists got their taste of power?

No.

Babylon Bee-

State governments across America have responded with decisive action after startling reports surfaced that heart disease kills hundreds of thousands every year. In order to save lives, states have ordered all fast-food restaurants to close until we can flatten the curve of heart disease. 

When asked for comment, Governor Cuomo looked up from his Double Baconator with fries and said, “Mmfph…Mmm…yeah, there is a health crisis in this country, and the government has the power to stop it. Closing all fast food restaurants to the general public is a good first step. Of course, we would have to exempt the Wendy’s in our building. I have to eat lunch somewhere after all!” 

“Although this will cost us millions of jobs, it’s a small price to pay to save so many lives. If it even saves one life, it would be worth it,” said Gavin Newsom as he munched on Animal Style Fries from In-N-Out. 

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18 Comments on Government Announces Lockdown Of All Fast-Food Restaurants To Prevent Heart Disease – BB

  1. Not to mention the litter these places generate. And most of them still have PLASTIC STRAWS. The horror. There’s no reason the EPA can’t be trained to focus on fat people as part of their daily responsibilities.Particularly if we get the population to report on fatties. We could get the Department Of Transportation involved to because these habitual fast food eaters take up more than their fare share of space on public transportation.
    Third offense of pigging out, mandatory Gastric Bypass surgery.

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  2. Lardasses and Taco Hell, Jack In the Box (the first two are home to the stoner specials), McBozo’s, Wendy’s, Boiger King, Carl’s Jr. home of the giant lardass specials etc. hardest hit. The only thing good about the lockdown is that I haven’t been to fast food places in a couple of months or so. And Gov. Inslee just relented a little and moved Spokane County to phase 2 of being removed from lockdown immediately, hallelujah!

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  3. Since the left has always advocated for a radical reduction in population (Bill gates included) you’d think they would want the “killer” covid-19 to spread. Proves that it’s all about increasing their POWER.

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  4. Lazlo went to a Panda Express in Feb. Figured it was better than the other dreck. Got something that tried to turn me inside out for two weeks. A heavy dose of antibiotics later and I pulled through.
    I have learned my lesson.

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  5. Lazlo never underestimate the restorative power of Pedialyte. No sarcasm or humor here, it can save your life in those circumstances. Glad you pulled through all the wiser!

  6. I have adopted the Mark Twain approach.
    “A cat sat on a hot stove lid. He never sat on a hot stove lid ever again.
    He never sat on a cold one either”
    I shall demur from eating out while working.

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