STAMFORD, CT—The pro wrestling world was rocked last week when a new challenger arrived on the WWE circuit weighing in at 890 pounds, possessing 10-inch claws, and the strength to crush bones into gelatin. “He calls himself ‘the Grizzly’ and he is unlike any other wrestler anyone in the WWE has ever come up against,” said wrestler Seth Rollins from his hospital bed after a brief run-in with the massive opponent.
What makes the Grizzly so unique? He is a trans-grizzly bear; the man recently decided to identify as human after being born an Alaskan grizzly bear. Along with his new identity, he has embraced his dream of becoming a champion human pro wrestler.
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I have a daughter that’s very athletic. My wife, her mother, swam on the Santa Clara swim team. At a young age she use to car pool with Mark Spitz. My daughter started swim team at 4 years old. As far as I know she still holds a couple records at the community swim team and in high school. She trained her ass off with Olympic dreams. She wasn’t good enough. We’re not talking about a years worth of practice to get to this level. We’re talking years invested. WTF? I really don’t get it.
How about:
“Motorcycle identifying as human wins 100 dash against Usain Bolt!”
“F-16 identifying as propeller plane beats Piper Cub in race!”
“Lion Identifying As Housecat Beats Tabby In Fight To The Death”
“Dementia Suffer Idenityfing as Non-Dementia Sufferer Repeatedly Outwits Barack Obama in Contest”
“Bar Refaeli Identifying as Aging Asshole Wins Against Pelosi In Online Ballot for Hottest Senior Body”
Anonymous
You’ve jumped the shark. Get a real identity. Right now your’e a zombie.
HUH?….I’m pretty sure this was a parody. An object of humor…unreal.can’t be real….we’d all swim faster if a bear was chasing us….
As long as “he” doesn’t sexually “assault” anyone, what’s the problem?
but can he ride a bicycle?
Does he crap in the woods?
Rule of thumb:
If a bear can get your head fully in his mouth….you’re done.
If one was chasing me in the water…people would see me as the Second Coming. I’d be walking/running on TOP of the water.
What can be really demoralizing is if the bear decides you’d make a handy substitute for toilet paper.
Well at least he’s not queer… not that there’s anything wrong with that.
I hope to hell he doesn’t drink!!!
I have to say, after a full week of the flu, this has made my day/week. Thanks, I’m now back to coughing again, from laughter.
Gin blossom, that’d be a real Charmin situation to be in. The Babylon Bee never ceases to amaze me with their extremely witty satire at which I laugh my ass off at.
I got blown off a roof about a week ago and briefly identified as a paratrooper. Luckily, the fall didn’t hurt me. The sudden landing though did.
That’s nothing. Did you hear about the bald eagle that identifies as an olympic high jumper?