I Can’t Believe You Think That Taste Like Bacon! – IOTW Report

I Can’t Believe You Think That Taste Like Bacon!

There’s a new superfood that promoters claim “taste just like bacon.” It’s a red seaweed called dulse. It grows wild along both the East and West Coast and is said to have “twice the nutritional value of kale.”

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I expect leftist foodies to be chomping on this stuff with their tofu and mixing it into smoothies before the summers out.

30 Comments on I Can’t Believe You Think That Taste Like Bacon!

  1. The people selling this swill are the children of the same brain-dead hippie fuckwads that told us carob was a substitute for chocolate and that it tasted just like chocolate.

    No. It. Didn’t.

    It tasted surprisingly like a shit-awful load of offal called…carob! You should read some of the web pages touting carob. They make it sound like it will cure baldness, halitosis, body lice, poverty, and depression. If you over-sell something it’s because everyone has figured out how crappy it really is.

    If I want bacon flavor, then I will eat bacon.

    I suspect this is the libtards preparing us for living under pork-free sharia. Go sell your snake oil to someone just like you; someone with a centigrade room temperature IQ.

  2. I call bullshit on this one – I’ve tried dulse, and it’s sure as shit NOTHING like bacon. People have made “seaweed jerky” from it, which is about all you can call it, that stuff is spicy and not good at all, something NOBODY would consider a bacon alternative unless they’d never had real bacon before.

    There are other things people try to use to come up with something “better for you” than bacon, like coconut-based alternatives, but none of them really ever come close. Vegans and vegetarians are a strange bunch, always wanting something that reminds them of what they USED to eat, just that they want the same tastes and textures of real meat that they somehow think can be obtained by other sources. Some honestly don’t taste TOO bad, but none could ever replace the real thing for me, been there done that, I prefer meat now after years of thinking that I was better off without it. These kooks can eat their dulse, just more thick cut bacon for the rest of us.

  3. I (sadly) work in the arena of “natural foods” dealing greatly with meat alternatives and such, and trust me, those folks who eat this stuff are really starting to embrace the notion that our government will one day make it illegal for the rest of us to enjoy what we currently eat. They’re practically creaming in their jeans every time they hear that meat prices are rising and every time that bullshit “study” claims that we need to stop raising animals for food because of “damage” it does to the planet. Total nutjobs who cling to raw emotion and live in fantasy land, working with such people has made me want to pop tranquilizers by the handful every day I go to work and have to cater to their demands.

    It’s really a tragicomic situation that the same people who, not long ago, were telling the government to get away from their food supply are now the same ones telling the government to get involved at every turn.

  4. I have a friend who has orthorexia (google it). I sent this to her, I’m sure she’ll jump on it and tell everyone if they don’t eat it, they’re going to die! I also sent her an article on how kale is bad for you as it has a high content of heavy metals. I know it depressed her because she puts a load of it in her coconut water shake every morning. She refuses to use a microwave, paper plates, have a smart meter installed on her house, and the latest is no cell phone because it causes brain cancer. Oh, and be sure to brush your teeth with coconut oil. LOL!

  5. Oh, I sent this very same article to my friend who has orthorexia. She puts a crap load of kale in her coconut water shake every morning. She drives 50 miles to an organic farm to buy it. I just know that she’s in pain emotionally, but I can’t help her. She drives me crazy with her foolishness. So, the only way I can point things out is to show how all the things you think are good for you, but end up killing you.

  6. Good luck with her Goldenfoxx. I know a few. In the case of one of my friends, she shifted her near anorexia to orthorexia, which is probably a smidgen better than the previous condition. Darn, I hate the people who came up with ways to manipulate people’s eating habits.

  7. The best way to make seaweed taste like bacon is to take a square of kale, add a spoonful of rice and a piece of cooked bacon. Roll them together and enjoy. Instant Bacon Kim ( kale ) Pop (rice). For Bulgogi Kim Pop substitute Korean cooked beef for the bacon.

  8. I have a very similar, but slightly
    different method. I take a square
    of kale, spoonful of rice, and the
    cooked bacon, flush the kale down
    the commode, throw the rice in the
    garbage, and eat the bacon. As you
    can see, the recipe’s almost identical;
    I just added a personal touch or two.

    🙂

  9. I really do like this friend of mine, she’s personable, but I think her divorce from 20 years ago is still with her emotionally. DH and I are having to distance ourselves from her and your boyfriend. Her boyfriend makes excuses for her, but I don’t. She got on us for microwaving a meal I had brought for dinner. Never again……she’s gotten worse!

  10. I crossed myself and walked into a Whole Foods last week. I needed some flax seeds. As I walked to the registers, I saw 3 hipptards in dusty clothing and bandanas. One plump one had the nerve to be wearing a “no blood for oil” Tshirt. As if their dumbasses floated into the store under their own power.
    And all the products, too. Especially the packaged ones made with PLASTIC.

    Idiots.

  11. I think that if a person has special dispensation from G*d to eat a strange personally meaningful diet then that is between him and G*d. If he goes around trying to force mankind in general into that mold, well he is kidding mostly himself.

    That said, I really like seaweed if its clean and processed right. Toasted nori makes a very pleasant snack. I don’t tell people that it tastes like apple pie or bacon. In fact you have to really wonder about those who want it to taste like something they “should not” be eating. Buddists are particularly guilty of that one.
    Let each eat for pleasure with thanksgiving and shut up about it.

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