Looks like a nice bedtime book for the kids, no?
This is inside-
Story of the “mortified grandmama” HERE
13 Comments on If Animals Could Talk They’d Say She Was a Dumbass
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The other way is to learn by watching.
Little Johnny was driving his Mom crazy.
Exasperated, his Mom sez “Johnny, why don’t you go down the road and watch the builders where they’re building a house? Maybe you’ll learn something.”
Mom then enjoyed a couple hoursof peace until Johnny returned, upon which Mom asked, “Well Johnny, did you learn anything today?”
Johnny replied, “Sure did! I learned how to hang a door!”
Mom said, “Oh really? Well why don’t you tell me all about it”
Johnny says, “Well, first you slap that fucker up.
Then the cocksucker don’t fit.
Then you pull the sonofabitch down, shave a cunthair off this side, a cunthair off the other side, and slap it up again and Goddamn if that Motherfucker don’t fit just perfect!”
Appalled, his Mother says, “Johnny! Go to you room and wait until your father gets home!”
When Dad gets home, Mom says, “Johnny’s up in his room. You better go talk to your son about what he told me today.”
Dad goes upstairs and asks Johnny, “What did you tell your mother today?”
Johnny replies, “I told her I learned how to hang a door.”
Dad says, “Yeah, well, tell me about it”
Johnny: “Sure Pop! First you slap that fucker up.
Then the cocksucker don’t fit.
Then you pull the sonofabitch down, shave a cunthair off this side, a cunthair off the other side, and slap it up again and Goddamn if that Motherfucker don’t fit just perfect!”
Outraged, Dad says “Alright Johnny, that’s it! Go out back and get me a switch!”
To which Little Johnny sez, “Fuck you! That’s the electrician’s job!”
The grass is always greener under my weiner.
A jellyfish’s mouth is also its anus. She’s no exception.
Animals can talk, we just don’t understand what they are saying
“Knock knock.”
“Who’s there?”
“Emmersyn”
“Emmersyn who?”
“Emmersyn big ol’ titties!”
Sorry, I hate that stupid spelling of Emerson.
Now if my mother’s cat could talk its vocabulary would be limited to three words: FEED ME ASSHOLE.
“Meow!” said the cow.
Son of Sam thought dogs could talk.
Arf Arf. (Kill your neighbor).
Can’t talk. Eating.
If Animals could Talk, they’d tell the Author to Fuck Off !!!
Hillary talks to the animals too ….
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WovYnLL9Yow …
Tiffany told BuzzFeed that she and her husband were “cracking up” over the book.
She said: “So I called my mom and I was like, ‘Remember that book you got Emmy, If Animals Could Talk ?’ And she’s like yeah. I said, ‘Did you actually open it?’ And she said no.
“I started reading some of the pages to her, and she was mortified.”
Even though it’s not suitable for little Emmersyn, the book proved very popular with people on Twitter.
I didn’t see anything particularly amusing about the book samples shown. I think that there are a lot of dumbasses out there. A lot.
They’d better not ever watch the video of the kids book Go The Fuck To Sleep narrated by Samuel L. Jackson. One of the guys in my book club brought it out one night at book club and we watched it and I have never seen a bunch of middle aged guys laugh so hard as we did that night, it was hilarious.