My fav: I was 17, and the first time sitting out on my gal’s front porch swing, while gazing up at the stars, an urgent warning issued through the open windows: “Watch out! If y’all git frisky before getting hitched, all your babies’ll be born nekkid!” First encounter with future father-in-law’s incisive, and timely wit.
I always loved how her freckles could just light right up. Matched her hair.
And no teeth too.
FUNNEEEE!!! “It’ll go on your permanent record!” 😀
Democratic Party is the party for the people. Real knee slapper there
Coke bottle glasses because you sat to close to the TV or because….
Yeah, that too.
Read with a bright light or you’ll go blind
This one was true, “Idiots announce themselves”’, which was just proven @ KatieWallis.
I’m still wackin and I ain’t blind yet.
Man- She went to live with her people in the land of Spam.
“If you don’t eat yer meat, you can’t have any pudding. How can you have any pudding if you don’t eat yer meat?”
I alays thot it was beat yer meat
If my ears were dirty, my mom would tell me that she could grow potatoes in them.
My mom told me if I didn’t stop smelling little girl’s hair, I’d never be able to stop.
My favorite was to tell my kids that there were Martians outside the window staring at them and only the parents could see them and they were checking up on them thru us to make sure they weren’t being disobedient. That had them for a little while when they small and had more vivid imaginations. I also scared the snot out of my youngest daughter once listening to Ray Bradbury’s story Zero Hour on Dimension X on my satellite radio when the kids in the story were playing a game called Invasion and the ending when the Martians came up stairs to get the mom and dad and they blasted the door with their ray guns and all you heard was a blood curdling scream at the end. She didn’t like that, Abbott and Costello Meets Frankenstein also scares her still. And now for my granddaughters they better watch out for all the tall tales from Grampa. Heck, my kids don’t even believe real stories from my growing up back in the 50’s and 60’s and early 70’s, they think I made everything up. I just embellish the truth and exaggerate a little just like my Grand father did, and he was a master of telling of whopper tall tales.
I also learned what shanks mares were from my grandfather. When he’d tell me to take a walk if I wanted to go see my cousins who lived a a mile away from his farm. And I’d usually end up walking unless he was going there.
The major news media is what keeps politics honest.😂
If you don’t eat all of the food on your plate it will rain tomorrow.
Here in Oregon there are a lot of unfinished meals.
Hey, Geoff, had very similar, growing up on a TX farm. Didn’t really know either of my grandads…maternal passed shortly after WWII, paternal when I was very young. We did have a pair of uncles (Mom’s younger brother, and one of her uncles) who were born cowboy storytellers and were a laugh riot! All of us kids adored them. I heavily borrowed their style and technique with my kiddos, nieces/nephews, and now grandchildren.
During my bunch growing up, one of my fav memories is them all cuddled up in and around my recliner/rocker, reading them bedtime stories. Together we explored the works of Tolkien, Brooks, Kipling, Asimov, Twain, O’Henry, Burroughs, Conan Doyle, Homer, and many more.
Mine were skeptical of my stories about growing up, too. The grand kids, are incredulous that I was alive and watching, in 3rd grade, when Neil Armstrong took that first step. They draw the line, however, when I tell them: that we went to the Drive-In to watch movies, I was 15 when we got a color TV, microwave when 17, saw my first computer in college, and that the internet did not even exist until I was the same age as their moms and dads are now. They think it’s hilarious I grew up without smartphones and didn’t even get one until I was in my mid 40s.
They all do enjoy hearing stories of my brothers, sisters, cousins, and me growing up, whether they fully believe it all, or not. From very young, we wandered all over ours and neighbors farms, dawn to dusk. During the summer we rode our bikes into town, about 10 miles away, to spend the day with our grandmother and cousins (city slicker rascals never rode theirs out, though). If we wanted a cold soda and peanuts, we would either walk or ride our bikes (sometimes the horses) to the community cotton gin (which had a small feed store w/diner), just 3 1/2 miles down the road. Guns were just some, of many, tools we were taught to safely use. We worked on the farm, as soon as old enough (7 or 8), to help until we left for college. They wistfully see all of that as a mysterious, fabled, even exciting time. I don’t really recall, when growing up, it being any of that, but was definitely much different back then, certainly simpler, and I think, in many ways, maybe better.
My grandfather would take us my 3 brothers and all the cousins up to Mt. Canfield just East of where his farm was in Dalton Gardens, Id. to go huckleberry picking in the Summer in the back of his old International P/U truck. He once faked like the truck ran out of gas out in the woods and tried to get us to believe that he could put a bar of soap into the gas filler tube and make the truck run, we probably believed him. He also took me fishing out on Hayden Lake with my grandmother and one time that I had to pee he just told me to pee over the side of the boat and my grandmother wouldn’t look. They raised 4 boys and 1 girl on that farm back in the 30’s and early 40’s before World War 2. And he was always up at the crack of dawn about 4:30 to 5 AM in the morning and turned on the radio to listen to the farm news and start his day early. I became a morning person by hanging around the farm especially in the Summer when I was younger because of him. And my grandmother was a great kidder as well telling us about the time it rained small fish and frogs over Dalton Gardens. An older female cousin tells me that’s a true story because a there was a very heavy rainstorm that evidently sucked them up from Hayden Lake and carried them about a mile away over the hill from the lake and dropped them on the farm. It was a great place for us kids to be in the Summer back in the late 50’s and early 60’s. Now most all of the farms are gone and been replaced by very expensive houses on large lots in that area. My grandfather also loved old Tarzan movies with Johnny Weismuller and creature features on his old B&W TV and of course wrestling.