The first joke I can remember hearing is-
What would you eat if you were in the desert and there was no food?
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The sand which is there. (repeat as necessary in order to get the joke.)
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First joke I remember:
Knock, Knock,
who’s there?
Who
Who Who
What, do you think you’re an owl?
What did Washington say to his men before they got in the boat to cross the Delaware Rier ?
Get in the boat
Pull my finger.
why did the chicken cros the road ?
To show the raccoons it was possible
Knock knock
Who’s there?
Canoe
Canoe who?
Canoe come out and play with me?
What do you do if swallowed by an elephant?
Keep running and running till you get all pooped out.
What do you call a bull that is sleeping?
A bulldozer.
Probably ones like, Is your refrigerator running? Then why don’t you catch it. What did the Mayonnaise say to the refrigerator door? Close the door I’m dressing. And many more, most of which I have forgotten.
For my grandfather who smoked Prince Albert pipe tobacco and rolled his own cigarettes with one hand and crimped them like a doobie. Do you have Prince Albert in a can? Then let him out.
I cnan’t rememeber the first joke I remmememetd ………
What’s black and white and red all over?
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A newspaper.
What’s black and white and red all over?>>
I heard that one as “a nun who fell down the stairs.”
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Cantaloupe.
Cantaloupe who?
Cantaloupe tonight, daddy’s got the ladder.
Indian Chief and squaw on a train;
Chief says: fetch me water
Squaw comes back with a ladle of water
This is repeated two more times until the
Chief says: why no water
The squaw says: white man sitting on well
@BFH — I remember that one in the present tense…
What’s black and white and black and white and black and white and red all over?
A nun falling down the stairs.
@geoff the aardvark:
You (and we) are blessed! 🤪
ats black and white and red all over?
A skunk in a blender
I remember the first dirty joke I understood, the punch line was “Hey buddy, how far is the Old Log Inn?”
How does an elephant hide in an apple tree?
He paints his toenails red
^^^^Have you ever seen an elephant in an apple tree? See, it works.
On an overnight stay at a friend’s house unsupervised we called the local bowling alleys and asked if they had 12 pound balls.
If they answered yes we asked if it made it hard to walk.
Variations on that were to call the bowling alley from an inside payphone in the bowling alley to ask them to page Ima Fagg, Ima Hogg or Bertha Butt while looking to and listening to see if they would do it. But that was a teenage prank call.
Woman comes in to drugstore,
and looks and looks and looks.
Finally goes to the pharmacist
and asked, “do you have cotton balls?”
The pharmacist replies, “lady do I look like
a teddy bear?”
@ 5:51 other favored pages – mike hunt, stew pedazzle
A tourist lands in Hawaii.
He sees a local and asks, “Hey, how do you pronounce this state? Is it “Hawaii” or “Havaii?”
Guy says, “It’s “Havaii.”
“Okay. Thanks.”
“You’re velcome.”
(courtesy of Jackie Mason on Ed Sullivan. I was 8 and laughed hard.)
What has four wheels and flies?
A garbage truck!
yukyukyuk! (Classic)
Oldest joke I remember:
Why do ducks fly south for the winter?
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It’s too far to walk.
More Jackie Mason-
>Hey, you wanna buy a dog with no legs?
>No, because he won’t come when you call him.
Second oldest joke I remember:
A guy rushes into a suit store that needed a suit ASAP and eyeballs the displayed suit in the front window,
“Hey! Can I try that suit on in the window?”
Sir, we have dressing rooms for that.
You all must be youngsters. The first joke I remember is….
I’m your mother
love you and
I will never abandon you
Myron Cohen—
Doctor asked me if I still had sex… I said infrequently. He asked, is the one word or two?
The young man asks the priest if it was true that God created everything in the Universe.
Yes he did.
“Even PMS”
“Yes my son, even PMS.” replied the priest.
The young man thought for a minute then said, “Well, I guess that’s true because I read in the Bible that Mary rode Joseph’s A$$ all the way to Bethlehem.”
If you get to Hell before me, please try to save me a window seat.
First joke I remember? Heck, I can barely remember what I had for breakfast….but then, I’m not runnin the Country. Well, neither is Joe so there’s that.
@ 4:17 – how did the…it was stapled to the punk-rocker’s chest
The Bible states that Satan is a woman! “And Satan was abroad in the land”!
On tv, a Jewish comic was telling a joke about visiting Hawaii with his wife. They were wondering how the locals pronounce the name of the state: “Hawaii” or “Havaii” (note the “v”). They approached a local and asked: “Sir, is your land’s name pronounced “Hawaii” or “Havaii”. The local said: “Havaii.” The tourist said” “Thank you.” The Hawaiian local said: “You’re velcome.”
“That joke is old, the first time I heard it I laughed so hard I fell of my dinosaur.”
First joke I remember wasn’t really a joke joke:
“You’re eyes are bigger than your belly!”
I don’t think I understood that wise crack until I was in my twenties. And that’s why I can neither remember jokes nor tell them with any success. But I do love good jokes — even dad jokes.
Pete and Repeat were sitting on the icebox. Pete fell off. Who was left?
Repeat.
Pete and Repeat were sitting on the icebox …
This goes on until they finally get the joke.
A lady comes out of the drugstore and gets on the bus with her shopping bag. About half way home she realizes she left her bottle of aspirin on the counter. So she jumps up and starts shouting “MY ASPIRINS, MY ASPIRINS!!!” So the guy across from her says , “Well stick it out the window! That’ll cool it.
Early 1960’s rock group that became the favorite of queer faggots: The Four Skins.
1st joke I remember was in Parochial school. It was hilarious at the time.
What do you do with old bowling balls?
Make rosaries for Catholic elephants.
Osborne Green Osborne Green. It’s not PC.
Any Johnny jokes were the first I can remember.
The teacher was asking everyone to give a word to each letter of the alphabet she started with with A and Johnny was waving his hand but she new she couldn’t call on him she knew he would spell ass or some other foul word, so she kept on going and all the time Johnny was waving his hand for each letter.
Finally she got to the letter R and she new that there was no cuss word that started with R so she called on him, Johnny it is your turn and he said Rats, with cocks this long.
My older brother told me this, and I decided to tell my Dad at the dinner table. What’s white and lays at the bottom of the sea? Moby’s dick! My brother was given a serious ass-whooping.
“Sitting Under the Bleachers”
by Author,
Seymore Butts.
We used to come up to someone and say:
“How Long is a Chinaman”
They’d think about it for moment,
then tell them “it’s not a question”
Which made them think even harder!
And then there’s the book Yellow River by I P Freely.