Irish Jokes – IOTW Report

Irish Jokes

Sunday, 17 March 2024, 23:00 Dr. Tar Uncategorized 26

Not about the Irish, but jokes they tell each other about other people (particularly the English). Watch

26 Comments on Irish Jokes

  1. How many Irishmen does it take to change a lightbulb?

    Two – one climbs the ladder and holds the bulb, the other stays on the ground and drinks until the room starts spinning.

    16

  2. Paddy Scotsman, Paddy Irishman, and Paddy English man let unlimited Muslims in and redo their entire society to accommodate them.

    Paddy Muslim as he knifes them says “Joke’s On You!”

    20

  4. “Paddy’s missus was in the Rotunda Hospital, ready to give birth to their first child. When they arrived, the nurse asked, ‘How dilated is she, sir?’. Paddy replied, ‘Dialated? She’s over the fu*king moon!‘”

    4

  6. “There was a young man of Nantucket.
    Who went down a well in a bucket;
    The last words he spoke.
    Before the rope broke,
    Were, “Arsehole, you bugger, and suck it.”

    another,

    There once was a man from Nantucket
    Whose crank was so long he could suck it
    He said with a grin as he wiped off his chin
    If my arse were a cunt I would fuck it.

    2

  8. Maureen went to Patrick and convinced him that he’d enjoy a wee bit of 69…..so, she sat on his face and had a wee fart. she repositioned and had another wee fart which caused Patrick to get up and get dressed. Maureen asked what’s wrong and Patrick said ” I’ll be fooled if I’m sticking around for 67 more”….

    12

  9. Use to piss me ol’ mom off when I would tell people that I was going to have a traditional Irish seven course dinner. When they asked me what that was, which they always did, I’d tell them a six pack of beer and a boiled potato.

    12

  10. Ye post this at 11pm on the holiest day of the year, when (only) the Irish have a special dispensation from the requirements of abstaining from one’s favourite vice during Lent and ye expect decent craic? Fer feck sake, the all the good joke tellers are passed out by now!

    9

  11. Paddy O’Bease: (stomping on the cobble-stones and waiving his cane around) you who are makin’ th’ awfulle jokes about me fine olde country – yur alle goin’ to helle’ y’knowe.

    1

  13. Not many people realize that there was once a Green Muslim movement, where Irish men threw off their birth names for Arabic names. They became known for their distinctly Irish proffession of faith

    There’ll be no God but that Allah fellow .. and I’ll be foightin’ any man in this bahr what says different

    1

  14. As a German-Irish, I was always conflicted as to what I should do on St Patrick’s day …

    Should I go out to the bar and drink green beer all night, or should I go to bed early and wake up well rested and ready to invade France

    14

  15. Others could take a lesson from those of us of Irish heritage.
    We don’t get offended or mad at Irish jokes or people dressing like they’re Irish.
    We love some good fun.

    10

  16. Beachmom
    MONDAY, 18 MARCH 2024, 6:10 AT 6:10 AM
    “Others could take a lesson from those of us of Irish heritage.
    We don’t get offended or mad at Irish jokes or people dressing like they’re Irish.
    We love some good fun.”

    Absolutely correct. That’s why we, and I include meself in memory of Me great Grandpa Riley, don’t insist that Notre Dame remove from their sportin’ logo that ugly, pugnacious, and probably inebriated Irishman that if ye did such a Black or Indian caricature would cause entire cities ta burn!

    Me ancestors had NO IRISH OR DOGS signs in their fices growin’ up, and had the Klan attack them for bein’ Catholic too. But instead of waiting for government to give us somethin’ they tike from others, we made our OWN way and well and TRULY did build this Nation into what’s being destroyed by others’ rioting over offense today.

    No, we Irish don’t take offense.

    We’re MUCH too busy for that.

    9

  18. SNS, my mother told me that when they moved to Maine in the 1950’s from Canada there were ads for jobs and apartments that said, “Irish and Catholic need not apply”.
    They didn’t complain. My grandfather found work and made a nice living for the family with 6 girls.

    6

  20. General Malaise
    MONDAY, 18 MARCH 2024, 7:03 AT 7:03 AM
    “Busy laughin’ in our beer, we’d be!”

    Indeed,laddie! And what proper Irishman doesn’t imbibe a wee little well-earned pint and the fellowship of his mates, sometimes fellowshipping with their fists? Why when you bid a lad
    slainté as you toss off a lager..I can’t keep that up, I’m only PART Irish and it’s kinda like when Black people from Chicago make up East African sounding names even though most have Wast African ancestors.

    But I was at an Outback restaurant the other day and I had cheese fries, potato soup, and a baked potato with my steak, so I definitely have an Irishman’s BELLY.

    And I woke up face down in my own vomit enough as a youngster that I’m not doing pints these days, shaming both my Irish and German ancestors, but for a time there I could get in drunken knife fights after imbibing a quantity worthy of the farmer in Robert Burns’s “Tam O’Shanter”, but I think I spent enough time in the back of police cars (with Irish cops, early days) back then to satisfy any ancestral obligations.

    As Beachmom notes, Irish people were maligned and maltrated as much as any Black, both in the Auld Sod and here. Enough to drive any man to drink, if the large Cathoic family (like mine) wasn’t already enough to do so.

    But when the Irishman sobered up, he picked up his tools and got even by getting BETTER.

    And that, too, is a lesson some groups could stand to learn, if only they could put their anti-White racism aside…

    5

  23. A young Scottish lad and lassie were sitting on a low stone wall, holding hands, and just gazing out over the loch.
    For several minutes they sat silently, then finally the girl looked at the boy and said, “A penny for your thoughts, Angus.”
    “Well, uh, I was thinkin’ perhaps it’s aboot time for a wee kiss.”

    The girl blushed, then leaned over and kissed him. Then he blushed. Then the two turned once again to gaze out over the loch.
    After a while the girl spoke again. “Another penny for your thoughts, Angus.”
    “Well, uh, I was thinkin’ perhaps its aboot time for a wee cuddle.”
    The girl blushed, then leaned over and cuddled him. Then he blushed. Then the two turned once again to gaze out over the loch.
    After a while the girl spoke again. “Another penny for your thoughts, Angus.”
    “Well, uh, I was thinkin’ perhaps its aboot time you let me poot me hand on your leg.”

    The girl blushed, then took his hand and put it on her leg. Then he blushed. Then the two turned once again to gaze out over the loch.
    After a while the girl spoke again. “Another penny for your thoughts, Angus.”
    The young man knit his brow. “Well, now,” he said, “my thoughts are a bit more serious this time.”
    “Really?” said the girl in a whisper, filled with anticipation.
    “Aye,” said the lad.
    The girl looked away in shyness, began to blush and bit her lip in anticipation of the ultimate request.
    Angus blurted out, “Din’na ye think it’s aboot time ye paid me the first three pennies?”

    6

  26. SNS – I still gotta few reels of Scotch tape… on 7″ reels 🙂

    Who spends our money like a drunken Irishman?
    A jacked-up, demented, Kiddy-Smelling, whopper-telling, Lo IQ Irishman!!

    1

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