Got any lies you believed?
54 Comments on Lies Your Parents Told You
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Hillary Rodham Clinto
dam. need to proof better. sorry.
“I’ve put a special chemical agent in the pool water. If you urinate in the pool it will give you VD.” (Dad was an army drill instructor)
These are really funny! I don’t remember any lies or tall tales being told to me, but I convinced #1 daughter that a freckle on her knee could talk and that I had eyes in the back of my head and could always see what she was doing even with my back turned. She believed me because she couldn’t see that all I had to do was look at the reflection in the window above the kitchen sink to see her sitting at the kitchen island.
“Eat your peas. They’re good for you.”
I literally BARFED all over the dinner table.
If you bite on the wafer, Christ will bleed, and you will lose all your teeth. (First Communion instruction by Sister Ambrose)
I was always told that there were no such things as monsters.
Toys r us is a toy museum not a toy store.
The goldfish that’s sleeping on its back was sent to the ocean with one flush.
Dog treats really taste like cheese. Or liver.
Donald Trump is transparent and honest.
Obama is not a racist.
Kim Kardashian’s rump is average for its weight.
Yahoo News is all that matters.
Chris Matthews is a journalist.
I had to eat my soft boiled egg because little children were starving in Africa.
Oh, wait…
Okay, I strayed from the premise.
Mom said that you’ll go blind if you keep doing that.
I did it long enough to need glasses. No regrets, and I never had to shave my palms either.
“Eat every potato and pee on your plate.”
Bunk X You dirty bastard. LOL
“Your eyes are gonna freeze that way.”
I speak truth to power, whatever that means.
“The Republican party and the Democratic party are very different, from each other, and are definitely not working together in any way to prevent any actual change from what we have now and are used to dealing with”….
Nah, that was the MSM. My dad told me Democrats were assholes when I was 18 and voted for Clinton in 1992, sadly, it took me another 10 years to realize he was correct.
I’m looking for a new place to hang out. Too many snake-shakers and shape-shifting lizards.
Okay, that’s an exaggeration.There are never too many snake-shakers or shape-shifting lizards for me.
A penny for the Black Babies in Africa. It will help them (i946) ?
There was nothing wrong with the Democrat Party until it formed.
Listen to your sister. See’s older and smarter then you are……
When you grow up, don’t drink alcohol. It makes you dunk and stoopid.
Everything is relative. I’ve met a lot of sober people who were complete idiots. I’d rather hang out with sane alcoholics.
Typos happen. Here’s a spare caps button.
This is kinda fun.
http://zoomar.tumblr.com/post/126170202258/glands
I know how big a pest I was when the ice cream truck came by, and I’m cheap and I didn’t want to deal with it with my kids. So I told them when that crazy guy with the music truck comes around they needed to run in the house so he doesn’t get them.
Embarrassing one day at the park when all the kids but mine ran to the ice cream truck that passed by.
My grandma told us that drinking coffee would turn our feet black.
Every time my grandfather took us out for ice cream cones he lied to us. When we were half way home he’s say ‘we’re lost I don’t know the way home’. The younger kids might cry. At that point my grandmother would tell us a spooky story from the Old Country.
“This will only hurt for a second.”
Obama and Carter are the best presidents ever
Some of my favorite tall tales: I used to tell my kids that you could see the end of world from the top of the hill going down into Lewiston, Id. when we were on car trips. On a clear day you can see forever down that way all the way out to Hell’s Canyon. That the Martians were watching the kids thru the front window and only they could see them and adults couldn’t. That one had them going for quite a while. And telling them I was 39 like Jack Benny until they were in their early 20’s and then my daughter called her Grandmother and asked how old I was and my Mom spilled the beans on me. My personal favorites growing up as a kid were from my grandparents especially my Grandfather who was a huge kidder and the time he had all the grandkids in the back of his old International pickup truck and we were out in the woods above CDA, Id. and he stopped the truck and pretended that he was out of gas and by putting soap into the gas tank he could make it start again, we were gullible enough to believe that one. And my Grandmother in the summer of 1963 when I was 10 right after a full eclipse of the Sun when we were at their farm North of CDA telling us about the time it rained frogs coming over the top of the hill from Hayden Lake. I asked one of my older cousins about this a couple of months ago at my Mom’s 90th birthday party and she told me it was probably true. And i’m going to keep the tradition alive by making up more stories for my grandkids as well and telling them some real stories too that will probably tick my kids off saying Dad, why are you telling the kids that story. As long as I don’t tell the same stories over and over again like my late father in law did with all his grandkids.
During the winter I told my youngest (she was particularly gullible) that if she kept dropping crumbs on the floor we’d get snow ants.
My parents threatened to send me to the Indian reservation where they kids for slave labor to make trinkets.
One day I was particularly naughty and they laid into me. I was hysterical.
Looking back, it seems rather hateful of them to scare me that way. They should have just beat me instead.
Snow ants, that’s a good one I’ll have to remember that one.
You laugh. My daughter’s (senior) high-school govt teacher smugly told the class (who had responded “Reagan”) who “historians” considered the best president of the last century: FDR.
“If you swallow a watermelon seed, it will grow in your stomach.”
TERRIFYING!
That’s nothing. I’ve been told black lives matter and global warming will destroy the earth.
Always be skeptical of any old guy who begins any story with “This is no shit.” You’ve been warned!.
“Mowing the lawn is a ‘fun’ job you don’t get paid for.”
Masturbation will make your penis will fall off.
My father, a surgeon at the old United Hospital in Port Chester, actually told me when I was 6 or 7 where the baby bunnies come from: “The Mommy and Daddy Bunny pull fur off each other and then the Mommy Bunny rolls it up in a ball and it becomes a baby bunny.”
Sister Candida Marie of the Sisters of Charity at St. Roch’s School, Byram CT (circa 1956): “Don’t cross your legs or they will grow and stay like that.”
You pee’d on you plate? Mother must have been terribly upset not to mention Dad
Get your tonsils out and you can eat all the ice cream you want.
BS, how many people here have ever experienced ether as an
anesthetic? Thank God they don’t use that shit anymore.
Chish I had my tonsils taken out in 1958 when I was 5. I don’t remember the ice cream part, the ether yes just barely. I do remember the picture of Bugs Bunny on the wall of Deaconess Hospital in Spokane though.
Around here the ice cream trucks are run by Islamic looking goofs. I told the kids every time they buy ice cream from a truck, a US soldier dies in Iraq or Afghanistan. I’ve heard the ice cream truck only 3 or 4 times all summer, so maybe my tactic worked.
If you don’t wash your ears potatoes will grow from them.
I heard grownups talk about the colored people in New York. I thought of jelly bean colors. I was disappointed when we finally went there.
During the war (Dubbya Dubbya 2 The Big One) cars were hard to find since the motorcar companies were no longer producing.
It was therefore with enormous pride that my Dad announced that he’d be bringing home our ‘new’ car next day. It was a FOUR DOOR 1932 Dodge with a (vacant) wasps’ nest the size of a football in the corner of the back seat.
For 24 hours I was dazzled at the prospect of a four-door car. Nobody anywhere around had one as big as that. When he pulled it into the driveway, I stared in disbelief. It had only TWO doors. I had been promised FOUR. OK, even at 5 or 6, whatever I was, I could count past two. And two is what was in front of me.
Crestfallen and disappointed at my reaction, Dad walked me around to the other side of the car and showed me two more doors.
Thereafter there was always a whiff of doubt lingering around anything that I was TOLD.
And I always hated that car.
When my husband was in Catholic grade school, the nuns told the boys in the class that if they touched themselves “down there,” then later in life their children would be born retarded. So my poor husband goes out to eat with his family, and into the restaurant walks a family with a child who has Down Syndrome. My husband proceeds to stare daggers at the father, thinking in his little grade-school mind, “You bastard. I know what you did.”
I have a Japanese friend whose mother told her she had to finish her carrots or her skin would turn white.
Dad told us kids that “Falling Rock” was Sitting Bull’s brother, and he got his name because he liked to throw rocks at passing motorists.
His way of shutting us up for a while.
…did you all hear the one about “if you like your healthcare, you can keep your healthcare”?……that one had half the country believing it……..crazy!
….or…..’this is the moment when the rise of the oceans began to slow & our planet began to heal’?….
….or…..
My siblings told me that dumplings were baby chicks and that almonds were de-legged cockroaches.
Course, they got all the dumplings and almonds.
Condensation trails were scratch marks left on the sky by skyscrapers.
Grandma’s not drunk, she’s just really silly.
My father told my sisters and me that my mother spent time in a prisoner of war camp during World War II because she tried to poison Hitler and got caught. I told my second grade teacher, who of course brought it up during conferences.