(satire)
Maxine Waters dropped a bombshell when she announced at a DC dinner party that she’d be divorcing her husband, Sid Williams, because of his “collusion with another woman.”
Williams vehemently denied any wrong doing.
When the incredulous Williams asked his wife to provide any proof of his infidelity she said “there were several private investigators looking into it,” and “that is what is taking place at this place and time and this is what is necessary to pursue this to its proper conclusionary state.”
Friends of the married couple pressed Waters for information that would help them understand what was going on.
“I have strong instinctual feelings in my guts that he’s been conjugalling with a Russian woman, possibly in Korea,” said the indignant congresswoman.
“Feelings are not proof, shouldn’t you have proof before calling for a divorce?”, asked longtime friend Sheila Ward.
Maxine said her husband ordered a Vodka tonic and some Asian crap, and that’s what gave rise to her festering suspicions. Waters then denied that she was asking for a divorce.
“You just stood there and said you wanted a divorce,” said a confused Ward.
“I am not asking for a divorce, I would never say such a thing and DIDN’T say such a thing,” said a resistant Waters.
The congresswoman then pushed through the crowd saying that the people were not on her side as she cried out, “I want a divorce.”
In a sitting room a defiant Waters clarified her statements.
“I am going to work tirelessly, every day, seeking information that will lead to my divorce. But I’m not asking for a divorce.”
When pressed, again, for the proof of any wrongdoing, Waters said, “it seems everyone has an agenda here. They are trying to make it appear as if I’ve been saying that I want a divorce when I’ve never said such a thing. I said I’m working tirelessly to uncover the evidence that Sid’s been sleeping with a Russian, which will lead to a divorce.”
When asked if Sid could come into the sitting room and hash things out, she said, “I don’t want to see that scumbag, I want a divorce.”
While 98% of the guests seemed almost embarrassed for the incoherent Waters, a coterie of guests were seen nodding their heads in approval.
It’s not clear if they are simply loyalists to a fault, or mildly retarded.
Stay tuned.
When parody and reality merge…
Couldn’t she just go for a marital impeachment?….ain’t no lollypop stuck to my forehead….
“… better tighten up your wig …”
that gurl … she don gon an smokt sum crak, o sumptin …
izlamo delenda est …
Mad Max Maxi Pad Waters is married? Who knew! The fool who married her must have been beaten severely with a dumb club!
“I have strong instinctual feelings in my guts that he’s been conjugalling with a Russian woman, possibly in Korea,” said the indignant congresswoman.
…seems too probable. Are you sure this is satire?
LMAO.
Errbodeh is in colluzin weth tha Rushinz. Errbodeh.
Wow, she’s so stuck on stupid she’s now accusing her husband of colluding with Russia… This is insane…
an da muthuhfukkuh yust Russian dressin o his fuggin salat!
dat niggah ain’t rite!
izlamo delenda est …
She misspoke, she meant she wanted to impeach him not divorce him!
Maxine said her husband ordered a Vodka tonic and some Asian crap, and that’s what gave rise to her festering suspicions. Waters then denied that she was asking for a divorce.
AHA! He’s drinking vodka! VODKA! IT’S PROOF THAT HE’S HAVING AN AFFAIR WITH A RUSSIAN WOMAN!!!
Her husband probably told her to tone it down and she went ballistic…
He’s better off without this nutcase…. who knows what she will do or say next?
What a face. Not even a mother could love that. Gross.
I’d suggest a conscious uncoupling first, but I’m pretty sure she wouldn’t qualify.
A man who had to settle for her could ever get another woman.
That’s a funny concept.
That is the most bizarre thing I’ve ever heard about Waters. It must be true.
“Free at last! Free at last!” “Thank God almighty, free at last!”
This will be her third divorce, following her divorce from Edward Waters, and her later divorce from Reality.
The Guam is capsizing guy could be a big help with this situation.
This is a joke article. Has to be.
Man this dude must be blind and deaf.
Never ever thought she was married.
Retaded yes; married no
Seal must be relieved his dad is divorcing Aunt Esther.
Sir Fur:
I do think this could be turned into a blockbuster Broadway musical, then get made into a Ron Howard-directed blockbuster film, don’t you?
Sid lucked out
The big problem is knowing what court to use. The event started in Chinese territorial waters. The ship passed into international waters, but is registered in Korea. She does not know which court, if any, has jurisdiction in this instance.
The same husband that owned stock in a bank who she helped secure federal bailout funds-taxpayer money mind you-that husband?
What an ungrateful bastard.
Gee Wally, I guess she’ll get to spend mo quality time down in the hull of Guam helping Hank seal up the leaks with a large tube of Black Caucus.
She doesn’t want him impeached?
Thanks, BigFur – this is delicious!
I cast a jaundiced eye on this story, having been so shamefully duped on the Dicaprio one.
However, I would rather see Medusa’s naked face than Maxine Water’s naked ass
My friend just asked if Maxine had a stroke while on Obamacare?
Maxine Who?
LOL Tiger Eyes. Maybe she has, but I know for sure she got those wigs with medicaid.
Was it a Russian woman?
He ought to offer her a post partem abortion
from her mom.
C’mon. Is this The Onion disguised as news? I have a hard time believing this is serious news.
Some made up story to start a bunch of ignorant racial comments. Sad