Last week, craving sweets, Colin Purrington remembered the Twinkies.
He’d purchased them back in 2012 for sentimental reasons when he heard that Hostess Brands was going bankrupt and Twinkies might disappear forever.
“When there’s no desserts in the house, you get desperate,” says Purrington, who went down to the basement and retrieved the old box of snack cakes, fully intending to enjoy several.
He busted out the Twinkies now, instead of waiting a couple more years, in part because he was “just so bored, with the pandemic,” Purrington says. “It’s terrible, but it just is mind-numbing after a while.”
Like many people, Purrington believed Twinkies are basically immortal, although the official shelf life is 45 days. He removed a Twinkie from the box, unwrapped it — it looked fine — and took a bite. Then he retched.
“It tasted like old sock,” Purrington says. “Not that I’ve ever eaten old sock.”
He ended up sending them to a lab for study.
They noticed that the wrapping on the mummified Twinkie seemed to be sucked inward, suggesting that the fungus got in before the package was sealed and, while the fungus was consuming the Twinkie, it was using up more air or oxygen than it was putting out.
Another cherished belief bites the dust.
OK. Twinkies are not immortal, but what about fruit cake?
Uncle Al- fruit cakes aren’t immortal, AIDS does a pretty good job of taking care of that. Or were you referring to the brick of bourbon soaked dried fruits embedded in “cake” currently in use as a door stop in my office? Pretty sure those are everlasting.
*Grin*
I just remembered where I stashed all those marshmallow Easter chicks!
I was sure Twinkies were immortal. How sad.
Haven’t had a twinkie…thirty years?
I’m more prone to eat a black and white…it’s a cookie!
Fruit Cakes can be used as weapons by either throwing them at the attacker or feeding it to them.
My Petey B says the mold spot on the middle Twinkie reminds him of my unbleached elastic starfish!
Fruit cakes are immortal, they keep getting regifted year after year until someone finally tosses it into the garbage can uneaten and then even the bums and dumpster divers won’t eat it.
Uncle Al
OCTOBER 16, 2020 AT 9:18 PM
“OK. Twinkies are not immortal, but what about fruit cake?”
…I think there’s only about six of those in the whole world, baked fresh for the first Christmas to celebrate the actual birth of Jesus in 1 AD, but they’ve just been passed around so much since then that every single person on Earth has received one of them at one time or another…
…under no circumstances are you to eat them, they are ONLY for display, and eating one NOW would be like using the Shroud of Turin for a pillowcase, and be just about as bad for your spiritual and physical health, too…
Isn’t candy corn immortal??
I believe they were originally made in 1872 and never made since.
The original batch was so large and the demand so small…..they are still available today.
I hate candy corn, they are disgusting and probably made out of ear wax. And if you do eat candy corn does it leave you with a waxy stool?
no, no, no …. y’all thinkin’ ’bout Peeps … just dig ’em out of last years Easter basket, throw ’em in a bowl of water for a couple of minutes, stick ’em on a window sill for a day & …..
voila! fluffy, fluffy sugar-bomb!
now … let’s move on to McDonald’s french fries
So that leaves grass, cockroaches, and Keith Richards as things that will survive a nuclear war.
We have a fruit cake that was made by my Grand Dad on the day JFK was shot Uncle Al, we tried a bite about 15 years ago and it still tasted like fruit cake. It is still in the freezer.
I hate fruit cake, but that one is hard to let go of, people can not believe it when we pull it out with the date on it almost 60 years old.
Friendly Advice:
Don’t use the yellow tampons with mold.
Buy fresh ones ASAP.
Just Radiate them before packaging…
There goes my retirement plan, thanks.
Actually, I invented the Twinkie … no, not Obama … the other one …