LOS ANGELES, CA—Responding to the rapidly changing cultural tide, the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences announced Wednesday, just days before its 90th annual Academy Awards, that the event known as the “Oscars” has been rebranded and would henceforth be known as the more gender-neutral “Jessies.”
“We’ve got enough on our plates already—we don’t want to be perpetuating the Patriarchy on top of everything else,” AMPAS president John Bailey told reporters at a press conference announcing the change. “‘Jessies’ has a nice ring to it anyway. ‘Oscar’ makes people think of a grouchy, trash-can-dwelling monster, or a quiet Dunder Mifflin accountant.”
“Jessies” reportedly narrowly beat out “Caseys” and “Jackies” as the new name.
According to Bailey, they will also be creating new, “less masculine” trophies for next year’s Jessies,
I am shocked this hasn’t happened already.
h/t best actress in a non-visual role
How about:
N – never
O – over
T – the
H – hounding
I – in
N – numerous
G – gender
S – segregation
“And the Jessie goes to…Harvey Weinstein for “Raping The Benefits.”
ffs! … can’t these twatwaffles just get over themselves???
who gives a flyin’ phuck? … call yourselves whatever you wish
catch a clue … WE DON’T CARE !!!! …. get it?
P.S. … in case you missed it … I ain’t paying another dollar to be ‘entertained’ by these Court Jesters …. what part of ‘DONE’ don’t you understand?
P.P.S. … I understand it’s satire …. but in reality … it’s truth
Instead of gender-neutral, why not go gender-inclusive
and call ’em “Trannies”.
Out of deference to the #MeToo movement they should call them The Number Twosies.
Jessie just might be the right name for their phony baloney awards and could be named in dishonor after Jessica Walters from that incredibly creepy Clint Eastwood movie from the 70’s Play Misty For Me. I can’t stand Jessica Walters and Play Misty For Me creeped me out when I first saw it and have never watched it again.
You sure this is satire?
The ‘Butt Plug Awards’
How about Nancys as in Nancy Boys?
How about Nancys as in Nancy Boys?
Sorry misspelled my name.
Hmmmm… looking closely at the statue – and in honor of their favorite sporting goods store – I think the award should be re-named:
THE DICKLESS!!! 😆 😆 😆