Out – Cow Farts / In- Human Farts – IOTW Report

Out – Cow Farts / In- Human Farts

CBC-

Farts are the new kale.

The decidedly funky gas of the human body has held Dr Rui Wang’s scientific gaze (or whatever the nasal equivalent of gaze is) for nearly two decades. In 2000, he cloned an enzyme that synthesizes hydrogen sulfide in human blood vessels. The results? Lower blood pressure as the gas dilated the vessels. An important find. His further trials on mice with hypertension proved equally fruitful (side note: I imagine Type A mice running around a maze in little business suits). But Dr. Wang doesn’t think the benefits stop at blood pressure alone. He’s confident that H2S is “a universal solution for many things”. Farts, it seems, are altering the course of medical science.

Wang has also prophesied that a “fart pill” will hit shelves before long. It’s not that far fetched an idea. Garlic pills have long been peddled for their positive effects on high blood pressure. Garlic, yummy yet antisocial food that it is, makes you reek. From both ends. Aside from the nosferatu-repelling breath, it also makes you fart. Or in scientific terms, boosts beneficial H2S levels. Gas is good for you. So, fart pills are the health trend we need, not the health trend we want. Like the Dark Knight.

The hallowed halls of science are filled with the ripe odour of air biscuits. “Fart detectors” adorn the walls of Dr Wang’s research lab at Laurentian University. The sensors sniff out H2S, or hydrogen sulfide, sounding an alarm should they catch an eye-watering whiff. In high quantities, it’s categorically toxic. I don’t mean it clears a room, it kills. A silent but violent occupational hazard for those who work in the energy industry. But in small doses it’s not only innocuous, it could very well improve lives.

Turns out it’s all about balance. And that balance is precious. Wang believes the right amounts of H2S in humans could fortify us against heart attacks, and stroke. Still other research of his says H2S may affect treatments for diabetes or be used as a biological bounty hunter of sorts to track down cancer cells. Gas, he says, may even solve our romantic ills: bad breath and erectile dysfunction, could be cured by the right levels of H2S.

His unpublished data even links gas to sperm production. “Don’t marry a man who doesn’t fart,” he cautions. “A man who farts a lot will not have reproductive problems”. Sound advice for any singles out there: Wang is a world leader in the field.

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I thought farting was killing the planet?

ht/ rob e.

20 Comments on Out – Cow Farts / In- Human Farts

  1. @ CFM Same with me. I eat tons of garlic, ginger,
    and radishs.
    Oddly enough, beans don’t affect me the same as when
    I was young. I can eat a whole bowl of those lovely pintos
    and it won’t affect me at all. Cabbage on the other hand?
    hehe….

  2. Wouldn’t the nasal equivalent of scientific gaze be “naze”?
    I think Dr. Wang’s “scientific naze” stinks and is full of said gas. I fart in his general direction….since I am too.
    On the other hand, I have no pension coming my way, maybe I should bottle my farts for sale on the open market; “Bongo’s Wonder Farts” available in capsule form or easy to take elixir.

  3. Dog farts are the worst, whenever my golden retriever Indie farts she gasses up the whole room especially when she’s laying down next to me and her creeping silent deadly farts are released into the air, out she goes. The Spring and Summer are better because she’s outside most of the time. You know the old joke, What would happen if the whole world farted at once? Maybe we should have a world wide fart a thon starting at 4 PM in the afternoon to the tune of Der Fuhrer’s Face by Spike Jones except we could change it to Der Obummer’s Face.

  4. Whenever I see the Muslims with their hundreds of butts in the air, then I do think that they are farting all at once. Plus that collective gigantic fart is supposed to be a ‘prayer’ !!

    Another reason that they are barbaric !!

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